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Anti Life-Hacks Ski Edition

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John18_6
Posts: 7313 - Karma: 49,158
I've been seeing a lot of these on facebook and other media sites recently and I want the people of Newschoolers to create some for skiing.



Example A:



Ski related example I made so you can catch on:

Dec 8 2015 12:03PM
694 94
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Newschoolers55
Posts: 851 - Karma: 4,792
Broke your ankles? Get full tilts
Dec 8 2015 12:05PM
41 1
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Turd.Ferguson
Posts: 1437 - Karma: 2,713
veetuskagBroke your ankles? Get full tilts


I think the reason your ankles would be broken in the first place is because of Full Tilts
Dec 8 2015 12:09PM
8 23
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GregFlik
Posts: 449 - Karma: 1,076
Not able to lock onto rails? Try Sharpening your edges!

Goggles keep getting icy on the outside? Try using sandpaper, the lower layer of goggles are immune to frost!

Keep missing the landing of a jump? Try using shorter skis to be more accurate!

Trying to butter? Lower your DINs to the lowest setting, it will increase the Flex.

Chair lifts line too long? Just make you way through the people saying you are Sponsored, everyone lets sponsored riders to the front!

Want to get better at riding switch? Try putting mirrors on your helmet or goggles to get more angles!

Edges getting rusty? Try Lime Juice, it eats the rust away!
Dec 8 2015 12:49PM
49 0
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John18_6
Posts: 7313 - Karma: 49,158
GregFlikNot able to lock onto rails? Try Sharpening your edges!

Goggles keep getting icy on the outside? Try using sandpaper, the lower layer of goggles are immune to frost!

Keep missing the landing of a jump? Try using shorter skis to be more accurate!

Trying to butter? Lower your DINs to the lowest setting, it will increase the Flex.

Chair lifts line too long? Just make you way through the people saying you are Sponsored, everyone lets sponsored riders to the front!

Want to get better at riding switch? Try putting mirrors on your helmet or goggles to get more angles!

Edges getting rusty? Try Lime Juice, it eats the rust away!


Pics or it didn't happen
Dec 8 2015 12:55PM
16 0
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Slush
Posts: 1905 - Karma: 12,901
This is going to be good
Dec 8 2015 2:21PM
0 0
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270on420out
Posts: 7494 - Karma: 50,825
Out of wax, and need a quick wax job? Just take an iron to your base and move around the old wax.
Dec 8 2015 2:27PM
20 0
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dyer
Posts: 619 - Karma: 964
GregFlikNot able to lock onto rails? Try Sharpening your edges!

Goggles keep getting icy on the outside? Try using sandpaper, the lower layer of goggles are immune to frost!

Keep missing the landing of a jump? Try using shorter skis to be more accurate!

Trying to butter? Lower your DINs to the lowest setting, it will increase the Flex.

Chair lifts line too long? Just make you way through the people saying you are Sponsored, everyone lets sponsored riders to the front!

Want to get better at riding switch? Try putting mirrors on your helmet or goggles to get more angles!

Edges getting rusty? Try Lime Juice, it eats the rust away!


Im dying rn lol
Dec 8 2015 2:41PM
3 0
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GregFlik
Posts: 449 - Karma: 1,076
john18061806Pics or it didn't happen


I will later on tonight, believe that.
Dec 8 2015 2:50PM
1 0
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Anesteezia
Posts: 239 - Karma: 1,386
Dec 8 2015 3:31PM
45 1
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Anesteezia
Posts: 239 - Karma: 1,386
Dec 8 2015 3:48PM
41 0
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Anesteezia
Posts: 239 - Karma: 1,386
Well shit. I'm just going to keep going.
Dec 8 2015 5:18PM
36 0
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Rennis_Deynolds
Posts: 2739 - Karma: 19,061
landing backseat? lock your knees
Dec 8 2015 5:41PM
18 1
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CHORIZO
Posts: 2003 - Karma: 10,039
Keep getting shin bang?
cut ur shins off
Dec 8 2015 5:43PM
20 0
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Spagett+
Posts: 3499 - Karma: 14,884
Like buzzfeed.com?

Try newschoolers!

Srs tho.
Dec 8 2015 6:06PM
5 2
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,147
Dennis_Reynoldslanding backseat? lock your knees


CHORIZOKeep getting shin bang?
cut ur shins off


omg. I fucking lost it.
Dec 8 2015 7:09PM
2 0
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,147
chair life taking too long? click out and drop your skis--the weight of them is slowing you down.

boots uncomfortable? replace buckles with laces.

ski poles too long? cut your arms shorter.
Dec 8 2015 7:15PM
14 0
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Rennis_Deynolds
Posts: 2739 - Karma: 19,061
Want to be a contributing and respected member of the free skiing community? Do what dennis_reynolds does
Dec 8 2015 7:19PM
26 1
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Casey
Posts: 7785 - Karma: 23,466
Skiing in the rain? Turn your jacket inside out to keep the shell dry.

Used fulltilts are too small? Don't wear socks to free up some extra room.
Dec 8 2015 7:30PM
17 0
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,147
hands cold? put them in the nearest vagina.

forgot your poles? use your skis for poles and just walk down.

hands cold? heat your gloves all day by the fire in the lodge--they'll be dry and toasty warm when you come in.
Dec 8 2015 7:35PM
10 0
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fries
Posts: 2978 - Karma: 7,515
Brand new ski goggles foggy? Take a cloth and thoroughly wipe the inside.
Dec 8 2015 7:40PM
4 12
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Casey
Posts: 7785 - Karma: 23,466
Ski goggles foggy? Make sure and remove that pesky plastic eye cover off the front before you go.
Dec 8 2015 7:46PM
4 1
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,147
can't get a ride to the skihill? sell that overpriced seasons pass and get a buss pass, instead.

Need studded tires but can't afford them? drill evenly spaced 3/8" screws into your tires--they work just as well!
Dec 8 2015 7:51PM
8 0
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ABskier
Posts: 136 - Karma: 56
too far forwards when landing switch? lean back on takeoff to compensate.
Dec 8 2015 7:57PM
3 0
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Rennis_Deynolds
Posts: 2739 - Karma: 19,061
Want to be cool? double post, twice the karma.
Dec 8 2015 7:58PM
42 0
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Rennis_Deynolds
Posts: 2739 - Karma: 19,061
Want to be cool? double post, twice the karma.
Dec 8 2015 7:58PM
54 1
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miroz
Posts: 10333 - Karma: 3,947
THEDIRTYBUBBLEOut of wax, and need a quick wax job? Just take an iron to your base and move around the old wax.


Hahahahahahahaha
Dec 8 2015 8:01PM
2 1
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frickindarn
Posts: 2545 - Karma: 11,374
Knees hurt from recent injuries? Replace your ACL with rubberbands for optimum twists.
Dec 8 2015 9:20PM
9 0
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CHORIZO
Posts: 2003 - Karma: 10,039
Want a quick drive to summit county from denver? Take I-70

Don't want to spend 6 hours in your car to go skiing? Take I-70 anyways you dont have any other options turd
Dec 8 2015 9:47PM
13 0
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Deforestation
Posts: 1606 - Karma: 3,192
Feet numb? It's probably the cold! Tighten boots as much as possible to remove cold air from the lining.
Dec 8 2015 10:50PM
6 0
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Spagett+
Posts: 3499 - Karma: 14,884
Tired of not having snow this winter? Kill urself
Dec 8 2015 10:52PM
9 7
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SkierFromOhio
Posts: 193 - Karma: 469
Want to look cool... Wear the brightest neon outerwear
Dec 8 2015 11:06PM
2 6
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SkierFromOhio
Posts: 193 - Karma: 469
Scared of catching your front edge on a rail? Lean as far back as possible
Dec 8 2015 11:27PM
14 1
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frickindarn
Posts: 2545 - Karma: 11,374
4XL tall hoody not keeping you warm on a 0 degree day? Run it under cold water in the lodge for all day warmth.
Dec 8 2015 11:55PM
2 17
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CHORIZO
Posts: 2003 - Karma: 10,039
Want optimal boot fit? Grow ur toenails out to keep u snug in those boots!
Dec 9 2015 12:17AM
8 0
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,147
sitting by the fire in the lodge not warm enough? grab coals from the fire and put them in your mouth, ears, and eyes--its quicker to warm yourself from the inside out.

girlfriend hates it when you go skiing? just tell her a little white lie and say you were at a strip club instead. When she finds out you were actually skiing she'll be relieved.
Dec 9 2015 12:23AM
7 0
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frickindarn
Posts: 2545 - Karma: 11,374
frickindarn4XL tall hoody not keeping you warm on a 0 degree day? Run it under cold water in the lodge for all day warmth.


Fucked that up..



4XL tall hoody not keeping you warm on a 0 degree day? Run it under WARM water in the lodge for all day warmth.
Dec 9 2015 12:39AM
8 0
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Julius_Steezer
Posts: 776 - Karma: 4,527
Jacket not waterproof enough?
Replace it with 3 tall ts
Dec 9 2015 3:54AM
12 0
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ianrich511
Posts: 511 - Karma: 723
Want people to think you are good at park? Wear Saga...
Dec 9 2015 7:40AM
6 6
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CHORIZO
Posts: 2003 - Karma: 10,039
Scared of hitting a jump for the first time? Just take it nice and slow
Dec 9 2015 9:45AM
30 0
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The.Fish
Posts: 2269 - Karma: 4,985
Want fast twin tip skis?
mount 2 pairs of race skis together
Dec 9 2015 10:18AM
7 0
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The.Fish
Posts: 2269 - Karma: 4,985
Can't ski switch?
Step into tour bindings backwards.
Dec 9 2015 10:19AM
6 0
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John18_6
Posts: 7313 - Karma: 49,158
CHORIZOScared of hitting a jump for the first time? Just take it nice and slow


yes
Dec 9 2015 10:37AM
2 0
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Deezy
Posts: 4580 - Karma: 1,004
Having trouble getting off the lift?

Keep your skis parallel with the ground as you approach the exit zone.
Dec 9 2015 11:16AM
0 5
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Charlie_Kelly
Posts: 11953 - Karma: 12,292
Sick of nutting yourself on rails? Neuter yourself!

Have a core shot? Fill it with hot glue!

Ski's too heavy? Shouldn't have bought afterbangs dumbass!
Dec 9 2015 12:53PM
9 0
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,147
Always losing your mittens? Zip tie them to your wrists.

Dehydrated? Just eat some snow!

Cat making too much noise all the time? Kitten mittens.
Dec 9 2015 3:24PM
4 0
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Rennis_Deynolds
Posts: 2739 - Karma: 19,061
Sno.Cat making too much noise all the time? Kitten mittens.
Dec 9 2015 4:31PM
8 0
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S.J.W
Posts: 7609 - Karma: 31,182
Getting shin bang?

Just losen your ski boots so they're not so stiff
Dec 9 2015 4:36PM
4 0
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GayWolf420
Posts: 36687 - Karma: 110,612
get scared when hitting big jumps? just close your eyes and feel for the landing, silly.
Dec 9 2015 5:09PM
2 0
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theabortionator
Posts: 51261 - Karma: 157,432
Can't get enough speed for the jumpline? Rub surf wax on your skis and you'll be flying past the racers on the hill
Dec 9 2015 5:20PM
3 0
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Julius_Steezer
Posts: 776 - Karma: 4,527
Having issues getting onto urban style rails?

Just jump off the side of the lip. Rails are for pussies
Dec 9 2015 6:13PM
6 0
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