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Coaching Junior high soccer, the parents are worse than the kids

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GoodasGold
Posts: 174 - Karma: 507
So I coach a team of 7th and 8th graders, I want the team to be competitive, so naturally I play the more talented kids more as well as the ones who work hard and push themselves. NO problems.

However, the parents of the kids that don't play as much cause of talent/goof off/no respect and who are subs are THE worst. They all think that their kid is the best and they all should get equal playing time.

Such a bitchy thing. I hate this "everyone's a winner" attitude, I'll play your kid when he/she shows some serious effort that they are trying to improve, or respect me, it's very simple.

Life sucks sometimes and it takes work to become better.

Idk, just needed to rant.
Oct 27 2015 8:50PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51261 - Karma: 157,432
My kid is the best skier on the mountain
Oct 27 2015 9:03PM
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daannnnieel
Posts: 5163 - Karma: 4,293
lol tell the parents that.

hated those kids, used to try hard at that sport.
Oct 27 2015 9:20PM
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Titus69
Posts: 9327 - Karma: 17,742
As a longtime player Ive seen it all myself, middle school was the most fun to watch, the coach only put in the best kids with little subs and parents still cant stand the coach especially the rich moms who think their kid is super awesome. Even at a high school varsity standard I sometimes see this but theres a select few kids who almost got cut but theyre seniors so they kinda have to make varsity and their parents still kinda think they should play more. Just start em young and show that working hard and not dicking around at practice is the only way to playing, I was told at the beginning of the season to put more effort in and Ive started 90% of the time for varsity this year. If I had been told to work harder I wouldve made 1st team after freshmen year instead of senior year.

How much does that job make? I would totally take over my middle school team in the next few years as a fun side job.
Oct 27 2015 9:42PM
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Swandog7
Posts: 4955 - Karma: 9,019
IM a hockey ref and get this shit all the time. Even when a kid falls down, their parents will stand up and shout "tripping ref!". Just because its your kid, its not a penalty, its 9 year old youth hockey for fun, not for putting a kid on the bench for something he has no concept of. Yes i know when to cal l penalties, but you certainly aren't helping parent in the bleachers. Coaches also tweak shit, and when I played youth hockey there was a little bit of line shifting and such
Oct 28 2015 12:08AM
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californiagrown
Posts: 9794 - Karma: 2,014
As a coach you have to be very, very clear with the parents why their kid isnt playing. If they want to go through the lineup with you, by all means tell them why other kids are playing and theirs are not. Effectively they are the ones paying you. It should be a fairly short conversation if they really want to have it. Explain your rationale, if its good, they will likely have no issue with it.

If they are being passive aggressive, or snarky and not straight up asking you whats going on, feel free to ask them if they would like to discuss anything. do it nicely and earnestly. Parenting is a learning proccess. they are still learning how to balance work, and raising a shithead teen with self esteem issues, ya know? You are an adult these days, you have to act like one even when adults 20-30 years your senior are not.
Oct 28 2015 1:03AM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51261 - Karma: 157,432
Swandog7IM a hockey ref and get this shit all the time. Even when a kid falls down, their parents will stand up and shout "tripping ref!". Just because its your kid, its not a penalty, its 9 year old youth hockey for fun, not for putting a kid on the bench for something he has no concept of. Yes i know when to cal l penalties, but you certainly aren't helping parent in the bleachers. Coaches also tweak shit, and when I played youth hockey there was a little bit of line shifting and such


As long as they aren't beating each other to death over it in the stands or shanking each other in the lots because your kid did this or whatever, isn't that good parenting?

I feel like you have to approach life with extremely low expectations. Especially when involving other people. They will let you down, they will make you hurt.
Oct 28 2015 1:23AM
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GoodasGold
Posts: 174 - Karma: 507
Titus69How much does that job make? I would totally take over my middle school team in the next few years as a fun side job.


It's just a volunteer job, I like coaching- and all the kids are really awesome. It's just the parents lol

californiagrownAs a coach you have to be very, very clear with the parents why their kid isnt playing. If they want to go through the lineup with you, by all means tell them why other kids are playing and theirs are not. Effectively they are the ones paying you. It should be a fairly short conversation if they really want to have it. Explain your rationale, if its good, they will likely have no issue with it.

If they are being passive aggressive, or snarky and not straight up asking you whats going on, feel free to ask them if they would like to discuss anything. do it nicely and earnestly. Parenting is a learning proccess. they are still learning how to balance work, and raising a shithead teen with self esteem issues, ya know? You are an adult these days, you have to act like one even when adults 20-30 years your senior are not.


I had a parent approach me and I did that exact thing, and he still wasn't on good terms with me. But the whole learning how to parent is a good point, never really thought of it that way.
Oct 28 2015 8:50AM
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bdarb207
Posts: 3057 - Karma: 438
I had a very similar experience when coaching ms soccer. For the most part, parents were good and understanding. But there is always one.

On a side note, we had a core group of like 4 kids who were outstanding and really made coaching fun. The other kids were fun to be around as well but from an athletic stand point, it kept things fresh. I coached varsity and much prefer working with the ms age group.
Oct 28 2015 12:28PM
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howlongcanausern
Posts: 4982 - Karma: 1,737
are the parents paying for this?
Oct 28 2015 1:09PM
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arnie_grape
Posts: 3430 - Karma: 11,399
so you say you "want the team to be competitive"

but are you coaching a competitive team or a house league team? cause if you're sitting kids on a house league team you're an asshole.
Oct 28 2015 1:34PM
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GoodasGold
Posts: 174 - Karma: 507
no it's a competitive school team.
Oct 28 2015 2:52PM
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Lonely
Posts: 6601 - Karma: 59,663
As a ref, I hate this bullshit. Parents go psycho about this shit. I was at the game after the game I refed and someone brought out a gun, over a u-12 soccer game. Shits unreal
Oct 28 2015 2:53PM
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bdarb207
Posts: 3057 - Karma: 438
GoodasGoldno it's a competitive school team.


It's a weird dynamic because on the one hand, public school everyone should play yaddie yaddah.. But on the other hand, this is where you start developing kids skills for high school and varsity soccer. Part of that is learning to deal with issues like not getting your desired playing time etc.
Oct 28 2015 3:31PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51261 - Karma: 157,432
Idk, most places seem pretty good about getting everyone playing, maybe not for long, but getting them out there. That works for me. The best kids are out there the most, and the shitty kids if they're on the team can sub in at some point.

For basketball it's rough because there's so many less players needed.
Oct 28 2015 3:35PM
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GoodasGold
Posts: 174 - Karma: 507
AlsoKnownAsFor basketball it's rough because there's so many less players needed.


Yeah I don't envy you. I do make sure that everyone plays every single game, and starts at least one game a season
Oct 28 2015 4:07PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51261 - Karma: 157,432
GoodasGoldYeah I don't envy you. I do make sure that everyone plays every single game, and starts at least one game a season


I don't coach basketballs was just saying the situation.

I aint got no time for that. Would have maybe been down for soccer when I was younger as I played for a long time, but now I'm out of shape, probably horrible at sports, and would avoid at all costs.

Actually coached some snowboarding but that's different. I'll stick to sitting with my shovel in my sandbox.
Oct 28 2015 4:45PM
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akt416
Posts: 246 - Karma: 568
went through the exact same shit... i coached house league (where its equal play) and had 2 parents on my ass the whole season. i would tell them its equal play in house league, if they wanted to have more play time then go to a rep team, id walk away theyd shut up. easy
Oct 28 2015 4:55PM
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SammyDubz
Posts: 2168 - Karma: 7,216
I ref youth lacrosse. I've had parents threaten to kill me because of penalties I've called.

Good stuff
Oct 28 2015 5:11PM
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Download-My-Apps
Posts: 5069 - Karma: 1,017
Parents are always the worst part about coaching. Always questioning your logic and thinking they know more.

Do other teams play their best players most? I guess a valid point is, if they are 7- 8th graders winning isn't THAT big of a deal, in the longterm giving equal playing time develops more players and will keep them involved. If it were a U-16 elite team I could see your point, but 12 years old...
Oct 28 2015 5:28PM
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Titus69
Posts: 9327 - Karma: 17,742
SammyDubzI ref youth lacrosse. I've had parents threaten to kill me because of penalties I've called.

Good stuff


thats hilarious considering its "youth"
Oct 28 2015 5:30PM
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ghoti_hook
Posts: 237 - Karma: 1,169
I coach high school. I always hated cutting players. One of my fellow coaches once told me "if you cut them, they are a problem for one day. If you keep them, they'll be a problem all season". If you can cut, I would recommend it. I know it sucks doing it and no kid likes being cut, but there is no way to make a team of 20 kids happy (or parents) when only 11 are on the field.
Oct 28 2015 8:15PM
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Titus69
Posts: 9327 - Karma: 17,742
ghoti_hookI coach high school. I always hated cutting players. One of my fellow coaches once told me "if you cut them, they are a problem for one day. If you keep them, they'll be a problem all season". If you can cut, I would recommend it. I know it sucks doing it and no kid likes being cut, but there is no way to make a team of 20 kids happy (or parents) when only 11 are on the field.



Yeah my dad flipped at my coach since I didnt play a single minute of a game really far away in the morning and made a good point since I didnt play much no matter what team, but that was in my days of wanting to be pro so I wanted to still look cool being on a prestigious team of my state and didnt care about playing time. This year a few of my friends almost got cut from the school team and its because they just wouldnt help the team improve which sucks since theyre all passionate about the game but sometimes its just for the better, parents dont have to deal with going to games out of their way just to not see their kid play. It just makes things easier having a team that can function together instead of having one of the not as good kids just make a good drill go so poorly.
Oct 28 2015 8:56PM
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