This is the poem that I chose to revise which had to be requesting something from a certain person for a certain reason:
To The One I May Someday Call My Own
Thank you for driving in when you did
I hope you choose
To cruise for a long while
But here are the road rules,
For navigating this winding road I call my life.
Don't stray too far from the centerline
But please don't get too close
I'm an extra wide load and I,
Take up a bit of the road.
Sometimes your destination seems so distant
Sometimes you're oh so close,
You'll probably never get to the end of your route,
There's construction all up and down this path,
Hopefully you'll still be driving,
And get to see the aftermath.
It's a long road ahead but
I promise it's worth it,
Sometimes there's dead stop traffic,
Sometimes there's no one else in sight.
Many others have gone down this asphalt before
Though they've never been at fault before
You'll need to stop and take some breaks
The road crew may make some big mistakes
You'll get scratched up along the way
After a while of driving
You'll get to know the road
It's twists and turns
Will never grow old
Now if you dare venture further this way
Just know it's a challenge
I'll wear out your tires
But I hope you'll stay
But please don't stop driving
Keep your hands on the wheel
Your foot on the gas
And in the end I promise it will be worth it,
Stick it out with me and it'll be oh so worth it.
There is a fuck ton of abstract language, not nearly enough concrete language, and it's pretty cliche. I kind of just want to start a completely new poem with the same kind of theme but twist it in a unique way. Any suggestions on how to improve it?
+k for helpful insight.