AdderallAliasI know that I'm an awful person for doing this to the ones that loved and cared about me.
The first thing you need to understand is that you are not an awful person. Addiction is a serious problem that a ton of people go through. I'll share with you the story of one of my close family friends.
This guy had a rough childhood, not because of shitty parents, but because he was abused by the local pastor and his parents preffered to take the route of pretending it never happened instead of seeking counseling (Different time back when this happened so I'm not surprised it was swept under the rug). As a result he never learned to deal and ended up being a troublemaker and a bad student, which was even more rough because everyone else in his family was near genius level IQ. So at 15 he turned to drinking, got in lots of trouble, and flunked out of school. Once he turned 16, he found a job at a local factory and worked his butt off, but fell in with a crowd f heavy drinkers where he met his wife. They had two kids, and he wanted to clean up, but his full blown alcoholism got the better of him and he spiraled, losing his job. His wife then left him and took the kids, which only made him drink more. A few years (and a few more failed jobs) down the road, his ex-wife let him take the kids to his parents house in NY for Christmas. On the way there, he was pulled over and charged with DUI. The court mandated rehab in NY near his parents and he got temporarily better, but once he was done, he moved back to IL and fell in with th bad crowd again reverting back to alcoholism. A year later, he was driving his motorcycle and crashed it pretty bad because he was drunk, he recovered, but the local judge was going to come down hard on him. So he had a conversation with his lawyer and parents and set up a plea deal (it was a small town where the whole family grew up so he lucked out here) where he would forfeit his license, and go live with his parents in NY while attending AA and performing community service. He went into AA and sobered up over the next few months, experiencing some crazy withdrawals, but after he was sober he never wanted to go through that withdrawal process again so he stayed clean. He got really into church and volunteer work, and they encouraged him to enroll in a vocational school to become a machinist. He's now working full-time and is happier than he has been in his whole life. It's so much more fun to be around him now and we all support him as he continues to improve his own quality of life.
The reason I'm telling you this story OP, is this guy was at rock fucking bottom and once he was able to accept help, did some amazing things to turn his life around. You seem to be ready to seek help and have religious parents who most likely believe in forgiveness. Approach your parents, tell them you need help, talk to them about setting up a plan for rehab/counseling, living with them so they can help keep you straight, and a plan to go back to school once you're clean. It's gonna be a difficult conversation, but its the best thing you could possibly do.
I believe in you OP, you can get clean and kick this addiciton.