I am very aroused
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-"If I were ever a surgeon I would have to resist the temptation of squeezing peoples intestines like a tube of toothpaste"
Me-"I'm never brushing my teeth again"
"This chick asked me about stuff you like, I Couldn't think of anything other than Butts, Boobs, and Skiing"
"what river is this?"
"shut the fuck up river"