My friend just messaged me this. Well put.
I don’t want a relationship. I don’t want “friends with benefits.”
I don’t know, this is a weird thought. But it seems to me that the names we give to particular connections between two people are just not sufficient. They are invented; rather, they are too plainly categorized. Friends, best friends, boyfriends, girlfriends. They are social constructs—might I say, just like gender roles. What these names fail to address is that there is a spectrum. Also, connections don’t go from enemies to strangers to marriage. There are more facets—sexual compatibility, emotional compatibility, etc.
The kind of connection I’m looking for is something more organic and flexible. I don’t believe there is much of a word for it.
I need someone who I can get along well with; who understands that as humans we have both social and sexual needs; who understands that sometimes we do NOT have social and sexual needs; who lets emotions cycle naturally, and won’t get get upset or feel disconnected when we are out of sync or who won’t feel the need to maintain a constant state of a “perfect relationship” or otherwise feel that it is failing; who won’t expect me to be “committed” to only them; and who understands that I won’t expect commitment to me.
If there is a word for that, then I am unaware and I would love for someone to fill me in.
Here’s where I start having trouble with words: If two people complement each other well, let their connection lead where it may—I don’t believe in halting the progress of connection due to “obligations” or “commitments” to another person.
(to avoid misinterpretation: “connection” is just your interaction with another person in any way, not just sexually. because some people might read that and think that “halting the progress of connection” is the equivalent to not fooling around with others when in a relationship, aka “cheating”. in the kind of connections I am talking about, cheating does not exist as it is irrelevant.)