Head

rollin, rollin, rollin

my personal mantra inside my head
at work, tantric thoughts of my new bed
in a van, on four big wheels
man, what could be more real
is it the need to feel
free
maybe its just me
sure, it has some rust
but i need to trust
in life
not to cause me too much strife
is this the right path
life around me
are they psychopaths
abstract thinkers filled with math
surrounded by shallow laughs
so many lives, all compounded
in a city
held together by common pities
the needy, the greedy, the good deedy
running by, oh so speedy
am i missing a lesson
begin second guessin
life decisions
many possibilities have arisin
slipped away,
begin to feel locked in a prision
do i lack the inner vision
no, it does matter
i dont like getting fatter
walking around all pitter patter
metallica said it best
forever trust in who you are
cause nothing else matters.


what a week. i am in charge of the four biggest departements in the bay, as well as the main stockroom (which is crammed with 20 years of other peoples laziness and mess), as well as carry outs, pick ups....ahh fuck it. i went to montreal on the weekend with the boys, ended up sleeping 5 of us in an accord on top of mount royal. almost killed jesse, drunk, loud, repetitive and annoying. but a type of entertainment i guess.
thanksgiving at the cottage, time to check myself, 7 younger cousins, role model and influence. i did fine. I start to see all the choices and possibilities in front of me, and I feel myself drawn to so so many. Everybody has a way of living, and I can relate to so many of them. What makes me choose my own. So many people can disapprove, criticize, point out holes in personal philosophies. Good for you, thats a lot of help. Where should I live, who should I be with, how do I begin to fufill this desire to do great things. I need to do great things....Want it done right, do it yourself right...not me. I cant do it by myself. I need to grow with others, brainstorm, exchange, share, give. Growth is exponential. Fuck the simple life. its only simple in theory. rant and rave, crave, imagine life in a cave. I have figured a lot out, but maybe too soon, now i double back because it seems like i have passed so many people, my elders, my friends, celebrities, presidents....what is wrong, have they been here too, what is wrong with it. what happened to the 60s, the 70s, that mentality.....replaced, outdated, boring..i dont know. civics. humph. a course on how to live. how to be a member of society. this is something that should be explored individually, but i guess the issue is that not enough people are looking on their own. i dont know, fuck it, i can see and hear your criticism, your judging eyes, and yet i just keep going, leaving you with your assumptions and ideas about who i am. we are all icebergs, and this is my tip. i can only hope people can look beneath the surface. immediately, not after lengthy in depth conversations, having to explain all and every. all i know is i am ready, whatever comes my way. i have no fear, i grab my dreams, let them carry me, i dont fear them and let them die along with freedom and beauty. you can figure it out on your own, no matter where or how you have lived. you can change 180 today. erase your slate, relearn, but do you want to. when you come to the gates of purgatory, where will your confidence be. in your hand, heart, mind, or briefcase. will it be anywhere to be found. are you a master at fooling yourself, distracting and justifying all actions. you know. deep down, you know. spend some real time looking. read a book. sit and stare at the sky. get high. say hi to a passerby. dont coat yourself in lies, stand, rise up like a pheonix. blindfold yourself for a day, practice ninja stealth. meditate, do yoga, go inside, find your muscle fibers, talk to them. ressurect your 5 year old child. you were 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 years old, keep every one of those years, go back to them, be a little kid, dont lock them in a trunk, they were the best years of your life. bring them back, nurture them. becaome whole, healthy. fuck fast food, go swimming nude, shave off all your hair with nair, then jump in nude, return to the womb, what a trip. i taste this life and want more than a sip, i slip, jump dive in, to see whats in store. holy shit i want some more. City life becomes a bore, live on a farm, in a barn, in the trees, more living please!

....

my head.....what a trip......it never quits

one day it just might split


so yeah...whatever.


shawn



“Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit�

Activism without chaos? or Chaos without activism?


'The problem with today's youth is not that our fathers don't believe in us, but that we do not believe in our fathers.' - Me.