I have no use for these, so I thought I'd hook someone up and give back a little bit to this community. If you have a good reputation and/or have a truly brilliant joke, shoot me a pm and these will be on their way to your door tomorrow.
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?
LOOKING FOR XL BLACK AND GREEN JIBERISH DRIPSET, PM ME
"if you put a matress in a pool, does it take a crane to get it out?" - BERZERKER
"im not technically sure how it would be possible, but i imagine you getting a running start before you ban someone." - tuna.
"school tomorrow is gonna either be terrible or the best day of the week depending on how many girls are crying. just remember if their eyes are that wet then how wet are their pussies" - jason