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Funniest thing you've ever heard

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peterries
Posts: 77 - Karma: 12
I was sitting at subway with my friends and we were not in the right state of mind. So were in the booth and my friend starts talking about his sister and how she is fat. He compared her to one of those blob things that you jump on and it sends the other person flying. Well, he was saying that you can jump on her and her body will jiggle. After that he said this "yeah she weighs about 180-190" and we all just started laughing. Post any similar stories
Feb 20 2012 1:14PM
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ECB
Posts: 6991 - Karma: 618
HAHAHA LOLOL GOOD
SO ILL POST

ONE DAY MY FRIENDS AND ME WERE SITTING IN THE LIBRARY AND MY FRIEND FARTED ALOT AND THEN WE LAUGHED AND SHIT AND THIS GIRL WAS LIKE GUIZE GROW UP AND WE SAID GIRL GROW SOME BETTER LOOKING TITTIES LOLLLLZ
Feb 20 2012 1:15PM
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peterries
Posts: 77 - Karma: 12
+k if it makes me laugh
Feb 20 2012 1:22PM
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TijmenDal
Posts: 4849 - Karma: 1,295
Whahaha that's awesome. Talking like that 'bout your sister, what a nice dude.

Funniest thing I've ever heard... pffft... Wouldn't know. Funniest thing I heard in the past month is from the 11th episode of family guy (this season):

*Stewie doing Tai-chi*
Brian: Is that a Japanese thing?
Stewie: No, it's Chinese, the Japanese got a whole other thing going.

*Two Japs on the street*
Jap1: Hey, let's watch a movie
Jap2: No, we're Japanese, let's go watch an octopus bang a schoolgirl.


I laughed for like 4 minutes straight. So good.
Feb 20 2012 3:21PM
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Cahal
Posts: 945 - Karma: 594
theres this really quiet kid in my school and i was trying to get him to talk so i was asking him questions like what do you like to do. he goes " sometimes at night i cover myself in vasaline and lay on the floor and pretend to be a slug" i justed laughing like crazy and walked away
Feb 20 2012 3:24PM
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iSmokeweed
Posts: 4793 - Karma: 1,370
when my dad laughs so hard that the only noise he makes is something like "zhhhzuhhhzuhzzzhuzzhuzhuzzuhz!"


Feb 20 2012 3:24PM
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TijmenDal
Posts: 4849 - Karma: 1,295
Whahahahhahahahahah that's so frigging funny.


Here's the clip btw:



Still laughing, so funny and I've seen it like 10 times
Feb 20 2012 3:26PM
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HitTheJim
Posts: 787 - Karma: 399
inb4Women'sRights
Feb 20 2012 3:29PM
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Larry.Lawnmower.
Posts: 194 - Karma: 25
"I prefer women's basketball."
Feb 20 2012 3:31PM
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TheBlueMtSkier
Posts: 909 - Karma: 42


Feb 20 2012 3:33PM
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Aidan-G
Posts: 9411 - Karma: 10,798

Feb 20 2012 3:36PM
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Lé.Skiing
Posts: 10035 - Karma: 8,122
I was literally Just about to post a thread called things that make you lol...   now I can't... :(
Feb 20 2012 3:37PM
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Raz.
Posts: 7456 - Karma: 1,611
during this scavenger hunt thing we had to go to one of the guys hotel rooms. to get the laptop. their were 12 guys and 1 girl, all fairly intoxicated. one guy says "Hey john do you know what this is?" john replies "what". the same guy then says "The start of a porno" then proceeds to grab thegirl and shut them in the closet.
Feb 20 2012 3:46PM
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jahmin44
Posts: 638 - Karma: 37
YOU ALL HAVE A TERRIBLE SENSE OF HUMOUR
Feb 20 2012 3:57PM
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*Koolaid*
Posts: 1242 - Karma: 16
"I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. "Keep sleeping." All right, perfect. "
Feb 20 2012 4:00PM
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*Koolaid*
Posts: 1242 - Karma: 16
"One of my friends has a stutter and a lot of people think that's a bad thing, but to me that's just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That's not an impediment, that's suspense! What's he going to say? Car?... or Carnival?... Carburetor? Man..."
Feb 20 2012 4:01PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51261 - Karma: 157,432
omg cool story bro! tell it again sometime please
Feb 20 2012 4:02PM
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Good_Deed
Posts: 1260 - Karma: 1,321
Click for larger image
Feb 20 2012 4:03PM
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Pool.
Posts: 2820 - Karma: 662
threads cuz i have a good story
Feb 20 2012 4:05PM
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Pugh
Posts: 138 - Karma: 27
sounds like a champ
Feb 20 2012 7:01PM
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JIBpsy^^
Posts: 2851 - Karma: 36
I would like OP to explain to me how what he posted is in any ways shape or form funny.
Feb 20 2012 7:10PM
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bjobe
Posts: 343 - Karma: 26
My friend was on the chairlift and said "if i ever saw any green coming out of it i'd punch it" while talking about this chicks vagina.

Feb 20 2012 7:51PM
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peterries
Posts: 77 - Karma: 12
Bc he was saying how she was super fat and then he said she weighed 180-190 which isn't really that fat. I guess you sortve had to be there.
Feb 20 2012 8:19PM
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Blurst
Posts: 13577 - Karma: 10,168
When I was five my father told me that one of his friends who was bald lost his hair because a helicopter landed on him and his hair lit on fire.

To this day that is the funniest thing that I have ever heard.
Feb 20 2012 8:22PM
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Relish_man
Posts: 5386 - Karma: 551
ON EST AU CANADA ICI ON PARLE FRANÇAIS.

if you understand this you will laugh knowing that some kid said this to me.
Feb 20 2012 9:23PM
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extravert
Posts: 1112 - Karma: 3,174
“I wasn't playing hard to get, thats not my style. Trust me, I'm really slutty”
Feb 20 2012 9:34PM
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Blurst
Posts: 13577 - Karma: 10,168
I just laughed a little bit. It doesnt really mean anything though haha
Feb 20 2012 9:34PM
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Mister.F
Posts: 1206 - Karma: 169
lol+k
Feb 20 2012 9:36PM
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Mules
Posts: 595 - Karma: 97
read the woman's logic thread
https://www.newschoolers.com/ns/forums/readthread/thread_id/672236/page/29/
full of lolz
Feb 20 2012 9:37PM
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kvan
Posts: 3083 - Karma: 1,209
Hahahaha thats pretty fucking halarious not gonna lie
Feb 20 2012 9:40PM
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AGOF
Posts: 2038 - Karma: 3,602
post+icon=perfection
Feb 20 2012 9:42PM
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[hamnuts]
Posts: 2356 - Karma: 439

Well I was sitting in a Mcdonalds in a Wal-Mart enjoying some chicken nuggets after work with my friends. Were just sitting there minding our own business when 5 disgusting highschool kids walk in, reeking of smoke. There is one girl in those cheap PINK leggings and a slutty shirt with 4 pimply dirty guys. The group gets loud and obnoxious and begins drawing attention to themselves just as we were trying to finish up the french fries. They begin to get on our nerves as they all start obnoxiously hitting on the girl and as she attention whores from them. It is at that point that my good friend asks this question rather loudly to the room at large, in a tone and fashion only achieved by an upper class white girl.

"do you think they know that they're trash?

I then burst into laughter and some of my soda went down my trachea because my epiglottis was unable to do its job through my mirth. I choked and spat it all over the table which ended up causing us all to laugh harder at just how mean and bitchy my friend managed to be. She is a really great person, and that comment was so uncharacteristic and mean-in-a-funny-way that I still laugh to this day.

Feb 20 2012 9:43PM
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andybob
Posts: 474 - Karma: 35
Not the funniest, but I died when I first heard it.

Few years ago my dad was telling my brother and I a story of one time when he was partying in the woods with his friends. I guess the cops showed up and one of my dad's friends took off up a tree. When the cops saw him and asked what he was doing, he told the cops he was "looking for change that he had dropped earlier"

I guess lols were had that night.
Feb 20 2012 9:47PM
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HitTheJim
Posts: 787 - Karma: 399
I like it, reminded me of a story my dad told me.

He was at a campground (the super touristy ones where it's not even camping) with a bunch of his friends and they were up late drinking and being loud so security showed up and told them to quiet down. Just then, my dad's friend popped out of the woods in full forest ranger attire and yelled, "Ranger Rick here! So whats the problem?" He proceeded to convince security to go away as they thought he was actually a forest ranger and was a higher authority.
Feb 21 2012 10:38AM
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broto
Posts: 9039 - Karma: 25,658
i mean i take french and i'm terrible at grammar and stuff as an english speaking american so i could probably easily say something like that. unless he lives in quebec or something.
Feb 21 2012 10:45AM
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Pool.
Posts: 2820 - Karma: 662
this kid at my school was hooking up with some chick in the bathroom, whipped out his dick and said lets have sex, when she said no he started jackin it and jizzed on her jeans(they were both fully clothes) he then pulled down her pants and kissed/liked her bare ass cheek
Feb 22 2012 12:53AM
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StoneFacedBuddha
Posts: 54 - Karma: 12
Bless you, ECB.
Feb 22 2012 1:53AM
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PKchu
Posts: 1158 - Karma: 5,943
"Hey you! Panda bear. We don't take kindly to your type around here." "Now skeeter, he ain't hurtin' nobody."
Feb 22 2012 2:06AM
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Pool.
Posts: 2820 - Karma: 662
nope
Feb 22 2012 3:20AM
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