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Post a dope bible verse

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theabortionator
Posts: 51252 - Karma: 157,262
Do it
Nov 11 2011 8:07AM
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array.
Posts: 2439 - Karma: 202
DAMN YOU, I CAME INTO THIS THREAD TO POST THIS.
Nov 11 2011 2:09PM
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howlongcanausern
Posts: 4982 - Karma: 1,737
your mad
Nov 11 2011 2:23PM
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feihlination
Posts: 8356 - Karma: 1,084
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historicity_of_Jesus

i know its wiki, but most if not all historic accounts were written after his death.

i am not saying he never existed. but to say that he is one of the most documented historical figures of all time is a blatant exaggeration. he was a dude with probably blond hair (thats how he is depicted by early christs) that flipped some shit in one of the least interesting of all roman provinces.

like the old testament. david, salomon and all of them were small local dukes at best.

idk how anything happening back there and was at best orally transported and at some point written down, translated and translated again and now it is. utter bullshit everywhere. picking five sentences here while omitting the bear-massacre for example doesnt seem like a very consequent religion.
Nov 11 2011 2:44PM
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EastCoast315
Posts: 3136 - Karma: 137
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Nov 11 2011 2:50PM
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Hoppy
Posts: 685 - Karma: 95
"And they all lived happily ever after. The end"
Nov 11 2011 4:09PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51252 - Karma: 157,262
On the eighth day she must take two doves or two young pigeons and bring them to the priest at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. The priest is to sacrifice one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. In this way he will make atonement for her before the Lord for the uncleanness of her discharge.

- Leviticus 15:29
Nov 11 2011 5:24PM
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abathinggrape
Posts: 1228 - Karma: 236
"Fuck the police" -Jesus
Nov 11 2011 7:05PM
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1337
Posts: 31038 - Karma: 29,002
"Once upon a time..."

Genesis 1:1

asPr
Nov 11 2011 7:21PM
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Culla
Posts: 323 - Karma: 57
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realize there's nothin' left
Cause I've been blastin' and laughin so long that
Even my ma'ma thinks that my mind is go...

Oh sorry, that's Coolio...
Nov 11 2011 7:24PM
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Culla
Posts: 323 - Karma: 57
This is actually an amalgamation of a couple different verses. Still dope though.

Nov 11 2011 7:26PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51252 - Karma: 157,262
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away
Nov 11 2011 7:27PM
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Deluge
Posts: 4398 - Karma: 767
this.
Nov 13 2011 9:44AM
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eldridge
Posts: 2272 - Karma: 47
your my hero for that icon, thats what me and my roommate were for halloween.

dope bible verse? LOL

Now im not quite sure how it goes but heres a good one: "you cant sit on a seat that a menstruating woman has sat on."
Nov 13 2011 10:55AM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51252 - Karma: 157,262
The bible is the shit.
Nov 13 2011 6:45PM
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TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
wow that was pretty harsh haha
Nov 13 2011 8:13PM
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207
Posts: 8969 - Karma: 3,846
Job 37:6 For he saith to the snow, Be thou [on] the earth
Nov 13 2011 8:17PM
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GeneralT
Posts: 912 - Karma: 19
though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;for thou art with me...

PSALMS 23:4
Nov 13 2011 8:21PM
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Algebra
Posts: 5215 - Karma: 1,677
"To stroll through a winery is nothing more than a glorious fap."

Jesus 4:20
Nov 13 2011 8:22PM
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goonsquad08
Posts: 622 - Karma: 39
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."   Philipians 4:13
Nov 13 2011 8:25PM
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hope.
Posts: 533 - Karma: 40
"hope. is dope!"
-Jesus 5:16
Nov 13 2011 9:22PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51252 - Karma: 157,262
lawl travis.


Where have you been? Thought you might have been dead
Nov 13 2011 9:54PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51252 - Karma: 157,262
BASIC

INSTRUCTIONS

BEFORE

LEAVING

EARTH





Can never get enough of that beat
Nov 17 2011 9:48AM
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KANGAROOJACK
Posts: 361 - Karma: 59
can i please sig this?
Nov 24 2011 11:52AM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51252 - Karma: 157,262
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Aug 29 2012 8:49PM
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Spagett+
Posts: 3499 - Karma: 14,884

"If you jerk off, you go to hell"

-The lord

Aug 29 2012 8:53PM
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TheClap.
Posts: 21649 - Karma: 4,013
it happens
Aug 29 2012 9:01PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51252 - Karma: 157,262
Clad yur back. We gotta ski this year.
Aug 29 2012 9:24PM
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Mr.Sloth
Posts: 5091 - Karma: 13,469
"Fucking queers are just too damn nice" -Jesus to his disciples
Aug 29 2012 9:26PM
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roddy116
Posts: 10622 - Karma: 7,397
2 timothy 1:7 god has not given us a spirit of fear
Aug 29 2012 9:54PM
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Bodhisattva_
Posts: 5749 - Karma: 2,009
Yeah well you're wrong because the bible is the dopest book out there. Marvelous or awesome would suggest some sort of truth or greatness about it, when in reality it's the dopest collection of short stories ever made.
Aug 29 2012 10:07PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51252 - Karma: 157,262
lol, this
Aug 29 2012 10:11PM
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PJS.
Posts: 11943 - Karma: 895
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Aug 29 2012 10:13PM
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roddy116
Posts: 10622 - Karma: 7,397
haha thats awesome
Aug 29 2012 10:15PM
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PJS.
Posts: 11943 - Karma: 895
I was going to accompany it with a picture of a Vietnam pfcs lighter, that said "yay though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the baddest motherfucker in the valley." Couldn't find it though.
Aug 29 2012 10:18PM
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roddy116
Posts: 10622 - Karma: 7,397
not as funny we lost that war. still pretty funny though
Aug 29 2012 10:20PM
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Ac31stuff
Posts: 557 - Karma: 10
"Love thy Enemy" "Give to the poor"- jesus


"women are slave if they dont cook right they are probably adultreses" the bible
Aug 29 2012 10:22PM
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ski4fun420
Posts: 902 - Karma: 842
Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish. [IMG]searchquotes.com/images/quotemarkright.png[/IMG]

Proverbs 31:6 quotes
Aug 29 2012 11:43PM
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PJS.
Posts: 11943 - Karma: 895
Got that memorized yet, Derek?
Aug 29 2012 11:54PM
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jameskiy
Posts: 396 - Karma: 3
thought this thread would be a shitstorm, this is so funny. threads times a million.
Aug 30 2012 1:19AM
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cool_name
Posts: 4295 - Karma: 3,131
something being documented doesn't make it real. superman is well documented but that doesn't make him real
Aug 30 2012 1:36AM
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jameskiy
Posts: 396 - Karma: 3
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Aug 30 2012 1:39AM
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Ac31stuff
Posts: 557 - Karma: 10
people who denie the existince of jesus are alomost as ignorent as people who evelution is a big conspiracy to overthrow christianity
Aug 30 2012 3:07PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51252 - Karma: 157,262
trying too hard but had potential.
Aug 30 2012 3:30PM
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TheCastrator69
Posts: 40 - Karma: 751
Proverbs 21:19 (New Living Translation)
It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife.
Aug 30 2012 3:32PM
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P-HAGAR
Posts: 608 - Karma: 159
Leviticus 20:15

If a man has sex with an animal, he must be put to death, and the animal must be killed.

Aug 30 2012 3:45PM
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VD.
Posts: 4054 - Karma: 4,564

41 But the ship struck a sandbar and ran aground. The bow stuck fast and would not move, and the stern was broken to pieces by the pounding of the surf.

42 The soldiers planned to kill the prisoners to prevent any of them from swimming away and escaping. 43 But the centurion wanted to spare Paul’s life and kept them from carrying out their plan. He ordered those who could swim to jump overboard first and get to land. 44 The rest were to get there on planks or on other pieces of the ship. In this way everyone reached land safely.

Acts 27: 41-44

Proof surfing is bible approved

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Aug 30 2012 4:23PM
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Amadeus.
Posts: 3050 - Karma: 382
I love the morality of the bible!!! Here are some of the dopiest laws.


Kill anyone with a different religion. (Deuteronomy 17:2-7)

If a man sleeps with his father's wife... both him and his father's wife is to be put to death. (Leviticus 20:11)

If a man sleeps with his wife and her mother they are all to be burnt to death. (Leviticus 20:14)

If a man or woman has sex with an animal, both human and animal must be killed. (Leviticus 20:15-16). I guess you should kill the animal since they were willing participants. Are they crazy?

If a man has sex with a woman on her period, they are both to be "cut off from their people" (Leviticus 20:18)

Psychics, wizards, and so on are to be stoned to death. (Leviticus 20:27)

If a priest's daughter is a whore, she is to be burnt at the stake. (Leviticus 21:9)

People who have flat noses, or is blind or lame, cannot go to an altar of God (Leviticus 21:17-18)

Anyone who curses or blasphemes God, should be stoned to death by the community. (Leviticus 24:14-16)

Don't let cattle graze with other kinds of Cattle (Leviticus 19:19)

Anyone who dreams or prophesizes anything that is against God, or anyone who tries to turn you from God, is to be put to death. (Deuteronomy 13:5)

If anyone, even your own family suggests worshipping another God, kill them. (Deuteronomy 13:6-10)

If you find out a city worships a different god, destroy the city and kill all of it's inhabitants... even the animals. (Deuteronomy 13:12-15)
Aug 30 2012 4:30PM
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Amadeus.
Posts: 3050 - Karma: 382
Dopest
Aug 30 2012 4:31PM
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roddy116
Posts: 10622 - Karma: 7,397
^ i sense a very loose butthole
Aug 30 2012 5:05PM
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