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Dating a depressed girl

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wolvmattisgay
Posts: 5 - Karma: 10
YES THIS IS ALIAS
I HAVE FRIENDS ON NS THAT I DONT WANT KNOWING ABOUT THIS SITUATION

So i'm dating a girl that has depression. What is advice for this? We've been dating for a few months, and I'm not 16, let's just go with above 18. Adults. So she has depression, and some days she is really happy and fine, other days, it's almost impossible to talk to her.

Anyone had a similar experience? What did you do?
Apr 29 2011 1:26PM
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skithedirt
Posts: 1759 - Karma: 382
LM cult? That may solve your problems better than NSG.

As for the topic. Just give her her space when she wants it I guess. Im not really sure man, support her when she needs support, but then when she doesnt wanna talk let her be, but have her know youre still there for her. You know?
Apr 29 2011 1:28PM
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pimpcat
Posts: 858 - Karma: 321
I did this. It's really tough but I realized that if you really want to be with her you have to do everything in your power to keep her happy. If you don't think its worth it then you should really rethink being in a relationship with her because it's pretty draining and that stuff can get you down too. good luck man, and maybe ladies men would be a better place for this?
Apr 29 2011 1:29PM
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-ROY-
Posts: 3633 - Karma: 1,503
tell her to get help. take time off. go from there
Apr 29 2011 1:30PM
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RubberSoul
Posts: 11249 - Karma: 14,642
i've dated a girl like that. it was sort of tough, didnt work out but we were cool about it and we're still friends. i know that doesnt help but yeah i feel ya
Apr 29 2011 1:31PM
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PBRasap
Posts: 1079 - Karma: 326
Just try not to be too hard on her. Odds are that she feels horrible about the way shes treating you, even if she isn't saying it, on top of feeling bad about everything else. It's a vicious cycle. Don't take it personally if she doesn't want to hang out. Wish i could help more but its hard to put into words what I want to say haha.
Apr 29 2011 1:32PM
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smooticus
Posts: 1798 - Karma: 27
this must be your first girlfriend..... welcome to life
Apr 29 2011 1:33PM
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wolvmattisgay
Posts: 5 - Karma: 10
Thanks for the help so far guys (and females)
And no, not my first girlfriend.
And yes, it is actual depression. Like medicine and everything.
Apr 29 2011 1:36PM
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BMB
Posts: 3138 - Karma: 232
don't break up with her roughly. I did and she attempted suicide a week later.
Apr 29 2011 1:36PM
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plorr
Posts: 3131 - Karma: 529
I dated a girl like this for a little over a year. It was tough to deal with, especially since I made the rash decision of moving in with her. Shit really bummed me out sometimes. Eventually we broke up because she would get so fucking sour when I would be gone skiing all the time, and I really didn't want to be in a relationship like that. I felt horrible when we broke up because she took it pretty hard at first, but it ended up being much better for both of us, since we ended up just being friends.
Apr 29 2011 1:36PM
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wolvmattisgay
Posts: 5 - Karma: 10
I don't plan on breaking up with her
Just looking for advice on how to either help her, or try to make it easier I guess
Apr 29 2011 1:37PM
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SkiThe603
Posts: 5376 - Karma: 498

Dude just have to work through it, its hard but it gets better, just make sure she gets help, even if she doesn't want it, she does need it

Apr 29 2011 1:39PM
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beezey
Posts: 9027 - Karma: 428
I've been that depressed girl.

Don't talk to her about you wanting to help her to be happy.
Don't talk about it,
pretend you don't even notice.
Apr 29 2011 1:39PM
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Mike-O
Posts: 14593 - Karma: 1,089
What's her diagnosis? If you knew that it would help. Antidepressant Medicine is probably not the best solution, is she in psychotherapy/therapy?

Where do the problems arise from? Is she suicidal? Possibly bipolar?

Any info could help.
Apr 29 2011 1:41PM
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wolvmattisgay
Posts: 5 - Karma: 10
She doesn't like to talk about it with me, which I understand.

She goes to the doctors again to maybe start a new medicine next week.

She has had thoughts of suicide in the past, but not since we've started dating (or at least she says)

Bipolar, I don't know. I'm thinking maybe, but she didn't say so
Apr 29 2011 1:43PM
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beezey
Posts: 9027 - Karma: 428
actually, antidepressents have fucking saved me so far, and I was suicidal and self mutilation...er. She isn't me but i dealt with it so much id rather have it ignored.
Apr 29 2011 1:44PM
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plorr
Posts: 3131 - Karma: 529
Lots of little nice things always make girls feel better. Just make sure you don't get complacent about the relationship and continuously let her know you care. Genuine compliments, doing fun stuff together, communicating well, etc. Watch what you say and don't be afraid to apologize if you say or do something that tweaks her out. I know my ex would get so torn up about the smallest things that seemed totally irrational to me, but most of the time wouldn't say anything to me, she would just beat herself up over it. In these situations you just have to learn to suck it up and apologize. Good luck man, relationships like that can be very draining, as someone said above. Hope everything works out for you guys.
Apr 29 2011 1:46PM
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Spinoza
Posts: 12763 - Karma: 3,844
WHY is she depressed?
Apr 29 2011 1:47PM
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Big_Spence
Posts: 16177 - Karma: 4,352
i'd say this is the best advice.
no one likes to be singled out. be as sweet of a boo as you can to her, let her be when she wants to be alone, and be supportive as possible without mentioning the issue.
Apr 29 2011 1:47PM
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Mike-O
Posts: 14593 - Karma: 1,089
Well, like Beezey said, don't overtly try to make her 'happy', it could just make things worse i.e. her thinking that the depression shows so much that you need to do something about it.

Maybe you could try and prod around deeper (no pun intended) as to what her goals in life are, what she wants to accomplish and how you would like to be a part of that and work towards making everyday life 'normal' and worth getting out of bed.
Apr 29 2011 1:47PM
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wolvmattisgay
Posts: 5 - Karma: 10
Yea, I think I'm going to try this, it's just hard when she's down because she doesn't want to talk about anything. Like today she's just been sleeping. For the last 16 hours on and off.
Apr 29 2011 2:03PM
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beezey
Posts: 9027 - Karma: 428
Shes not sleeping she is laying down not wanting to get out of bed, go bring her her fav food and cuddle with her. Be there with her and give her attention
Apr 29 2011 2:05PM
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Mike-O
Posts: 14593 - Karma: 1,089
This might be too personal, but how's the sex?
Apr 29 2011 2:07PM
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Kratotalaga
Posts: 347 - Karma: 22
i have found out through all my depression and bipolar that there is nothing I can really do unless I want to take pills for the rest of my life. Maybe and hopefully it is just a phase for her. I workout every day because it motivates you to do other things and its healthy. Try to get her to go do something physical whether its a walk or a run, maybe a nice hike in the woods or a walk by a lake. If its that bad call a doctor and start some meds or get her parents to call a doctor.
Apr 29 2011 2:14PM
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AWALLRUS.
Posts: 5762 - Karma: 223
pee in her butt?
Apr 29 2011 3:24PM
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