I'm sad that there are so few stories at loyola. This one is about my worst date ever. (And may I note, that I was 22 at the time and I probably should have left after the second question, but hell! I've got a great story now!)
I was working at a tanning salon, and basically that meant I sat there and watched TV until someone had to be checked in, or a bed had to be cleaned. Easy money, right? Well, this is Chicago and we spend far too long with barely any sun, so it also meant a lot of cute guys came in.
By the time my first six months were up, I was pretty good at being able to tell who was off-limits, or available … or gay. One night, I was sitting behind the counter watching TV (who knows what), and this pretty cute guy came in. We chatted and I checked him in (while I could tell he was checking me out). Over the next few weeks, he came in more and more, and we'd talk (all the while I was sitting behind the counter). Eventually, he asked me out. We made plans to meet up at the golf course where he bartended. It was only one town over, so I met him there. My roommates were throwing a party later, and then we were going to head over there.
I walked in, only to discover that he was a good 4 inches shorter then me. I thought, be nice! He's really sweet. And then I realized that the place was closed and we had it all to ourselves. Strange, I thought. He made me a couple cocktails, and we sat around and talked. After his third drink, he asked me if I was a virgin. (Umm...hello! At the time I was 22 - and I was going to SCSU! Pu-leaze!) I said no, and he said, "I lost my V-Card last year."
"Oh, yeah?" I said. Not every guy has to be a male whore, so I thought that was pretty sweet.
"Yeah, but it wasn't in the usual way," he told me.
"Huh?" I asked. "What do you mean?"
He fumbled with his drink for a second and said "Well, I was raised Catholic, and so was my girlfriend. We were scared that she'd get pregnant, so we lost our V-Cards by doing butt-sex."
Okay, I don't care who you are, that is WAAAY too much information for a first date!
"Oh," I said "…I see." At this point, I was very confused. I don't normally share this kind of information with even my best friends, let alone a first date!
"Soooo...." he says, "How about you? When'd you lose it?"
"Well, I don't know if I really want to talk about that." I tell him.
"That's cool. I just wanted you to know."(Gotta give a guy props for being honest, right?)
We talk a little more, he makes himself a couple more drinks, while I hold onto my beer (that I watched him pour from the tap) and he asks, "So, do you like other things inside you?"
"Other than a penis? No, not really." I say - at this point, I'm starting to get a little freaked out.
"That's too bad. I love to eat peanut M&M's out of a girl."
"Ohhh...yeah, I don't think that's so cool." And not too mention, fucking gross.
So, in the 45 minutes I had spent with him I discovered that:
(a) He lost his virginity at 20
(b) He lost his virginity doing some girl up the pooper
(c) He liked to eat candy out of girls hoo-ha's (Melts in your what?)
At this moment, I started thinking about how I could get out of there... hmm, hunger! Yeah, that would work!
"Oh, you know, I think I should go. I'm super hungry."