It all started when our uber geek, meth_time, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling abnormally relieved, meth_time slapped a wolverine, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved Meth was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, ice_time. meth_time had known ice_time for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were striking ones. ice_time was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... pestering. meth_time called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
ice_time picked up to a very ecstatic meth_time. ice_time calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths panic before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually indiscriminately yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting meth_time. Why was ice_time trying to distract meth_time? Because he had snuck out from meth_time's with the Meth only seven days prior. It was a flamboyant little Meth... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before meth_time got back to the subject at hand: his Meth. ice_time sighed. Relunctantly, ice_time invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Meth. meth_time grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, ice_time realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Meth and he had to do it fearlessly. He figured that if meth_time took the pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac, he had take at least eight minutes before meth_time would get there. But if he took the meth_mobile? Then ice_time would be exceedingly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, ice_time was interrupted by six abrasive Pandas that were lured by his Meth. ice_time sneezed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he carefully reached for his dangerous oil-soaked rag and deftly stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the meth_mobile rolling up. It was meth_time.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a skillful leap, meth_time was out of the meth_mobile and went exotically jaunting toward ice_time's front door. Meanwhile inside, ice_time was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Meth into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind his whale. ice_time was pleased but at least the Meth was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' ice_time explosively purred. With a hasty push, meth_time opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid noble genius in a homemade car,' he lied. 'It's fine,' ice_time assured him. meth_time took a seat uncomfortably close to where ice_time had hidden the Meth. ice_time shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But meth_time was distracted. Ever so extemperaneously, ice_time noticed a funny-smelling look on meth_time's face. meth_time slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
ice_time felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when meth_time asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Meth right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on meth_time's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. meth_time nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before ice_time could react, meth_time fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Meth was plainly in view.
meth_time stared at ice_time for what what must've been ten nanoseconds. Giggling like schoolgirl, ice_time groped scandalously in meth_time's direction, clearly desperate. meth_time grabbed the Meth and bolted for the door. It was locked. ice_time let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, meth_time,' he rebuked. ice_time always had been a little annoying, so meth_time knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before ice_time did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at him or something. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he gripped his Meth tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
ice_time looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from meth_time. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for meth_time. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. ice_time walked over to the window and looked down. meth_time was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, meth_time was struggling to make his way through the disease-infested jungle behind ice_time's place. meth_time had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Pandas suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Meth. One by one they latched on to meth_time. Already weakened from his injury, meth_time yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Pandas running off with his Meth.
But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored meth_time's Meth. Feeling displeased, God smote the Pandas for their injustice. Then He got in His amphibious vehicle and darted away with the fortitude of 200,000 long-haired sea monkeys running from a enlarged pack of 3-legged wallabies. meth_time flipped with joy when he saw this. His Meth was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eleven minutes his favorite TV show, ROCK, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet rusty razor blade'). meth_time was pleased. And so, everyone except ice_time and a few unborn fetus-toting disease-carrying chipmunks lived blissfully happy, forever after.
~Fin
~Fin
