It is now finals week time, and I will be taking a break from the ho-slaying-pussy-pounding-frat-star lifestyle and be at the library for the next week.
For this week please refrain from the following:
1) DO NOT pass out on the comfy chairs in the Princeton like library area on the second floor above the stuffed lion. They are the only place in the library that is comfortable enough for anyone to be able to focus on a textbook or notecards, and are not for you to pretend to be homeless for a few hours.
3) GET THE FUCK OFF OF FACEBOOK ON THE COMPUTERS WHEN THERE IS CLEARLY A LINE FOR THEM AND YOU ARE SITTING THERE TAGGING YOURSELF IN PHOTOS AND SENDING FUCKING CLIPART GIFTS TO PEOPLE (this especially goes for asian girls. not being racist, just need a computer.)
4) DO NOT start trying to hit on girls in the library. It is loud and annoying, and the pick up line " (Girl's Name) Oh my god I am so fucked for this test cause I was sooooo fuckeddddd uppppp last night (insert story about how you rode the white loop home) and we need to study together... " doesn't fucking work. You sound like you want to be her gay friend, and most importantly you annoy me when I am trying to study.
5) DO NOT decide that the library has for the better part of 45 minutes... turned into FUCKING PIZZA HUT. I hate when all of a sudden I'm at a table, and boom, pizza party. It's always you little fuckers that think that you need a study break when really all you have done is sit at a table and bitch about how you were hungry, how the test is gonna be too hard, how you're so bored, and how you wish that you could just be home and it was christmas every day, and other shit that is irrelevant, until you all decide you need pizza.
6) DO NOT make it awkward for us to have to shit in the library. We are all drinking coffee, we are all eating unhealthy. it is finals week. It kills me inside when I see a guy walk out of the bathroom, and then a girl walk past it and come storming into the reading room bitching about how the bathroom smells. That is because people poop in there.
7) PLEASE CONTINUE to blow a shitload of adderall prior to library visits. I love seeing all these kids cracked out as fuck sprinting around the library biting their fingernails. it's the only happiness in my day during finals week.