my mom died in 07 suddenly. i was away at uni, so i hadn't seen much of my family that year and the years before that. in 3 years, the majority of that time was at school. i had to fly back home with only the idea that something happened to mom, but never had the thought that she was dead. my dad told me at the airport when i met him at the gates. he didn't have much of a choice because my moms dad and my brother were in the car outside.
the days after were a state of shock, the home didn't feel like a home, knowing that you won't get her cooking again or her be the first person you see when you wake up in the mornings. i guess what i did was take comfort in the coincidences that happened, like her favorite song playing on the radio, or the cat walking over top of the radio and turning it on with its paw, and stairway to heaven being the song playing at that moment. at least it was something that i could hold on to that her spirit was still among us. knowing that there could be some divine plan for all of us because of the fact that my mom who was driving at the time, pulled off the 3rd busiest highway in north america to a rest stop park with my dad to give the dog a walk, where she died right in that park. i wonder, what made her pull over? if she didn't could she have gotten in an accident and both my parents been killed?
im not sure about you, if you are religious at all, i myself believe in a higher power, but don't subscribe to the christian ideology, but having a bit of faith in something at least helped me.
i didn't try and numb the thought of my mother being dead with weed or alcohol because it does not allow you to grieve properly. you need to be sober for it, you need to feel how bad it hurts so it will be easier to make sense of things.
i went out west a year later, it is a beautiful place, i found myself far out on the pacific ocean for weeks at a time, and i feel out there, seeing the colors of a morning or evening sunset above the horizon and the awe power of the towering waves below the horizon created this dichotomy that sorta convinced me that theres more to this life, and that perhaps one day i will be with my mom again.
you can do the same, i don't know where you live, didn't check yet, but going out for walks, hikes, climbing a mountain, just experience stuff. don't waste your time, take your fathers sudden death or my moms as a lesson that your time on earth isn't finite. its here and right now. your dad or my mom didn't wake up in the morning and have a chance to strain their ears to listen to the birds chirp or the wind rushing through trees, knowing hours from now that they will be dead. like im sure a patient with terminal cancer who knows their days on earth are numbered, probably would.
remember things your dad did for you or things you did together, eventually and with time you will not get upset, but it will put a smile on your face.
as for going to a doctor, my dad, brother, and i did a group thing, but i don't think it helped us. i prefer to make sense of things on my own and i don't believe that a stranger can help you make sense of the things that only you can truly understand. thats me though, maybe you might find talking to a stranger outside your own family might help. i don't think they are going to help you grieve faster or easier, i think they are just people you pay 100 dollars + an hour to talk to when you have no one else to say those things to. i think you'd be better off free writing your feelings on a piece of paper and or on the computer and not read it for a week and then come back and see what stage you're at right now and how your feelings have changed.
i don't care if what i said has been sappy to some, because i do believe this and until you've been there you don't understand.
ive seen your other posts man, you're pretty much a piece of shit, get over yourself. - charmander