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two goldfish are sitting in a tank. One says, "I'll drive, you man the guns".
Why did the plane crash into the mountain?
Because the pilot was a loaf of bread
So a man and a zebra walk into a bar and start drinking. The zebra is a super lightweight, and eventually passes out on the floor. The man continues to drink until bar time, and when he tries to get up and leave, the bar tender says "hey pal, you cant leave that lying here". And the man says: "Its a zebra..."
how do you drown your pet rock !?!?!?!
tie it to a cat, and throw it in a river
three gay guys are in a hottub
a condome floats up
one says: "who farted?"
a man driving a car runs into a woman, whose fault is it?
The man's, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. A hot, dry
fly who said to no one in particular, “Gosh… if I go down three inches, I
will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed.”
There was a fish in the water thinking, “Gosh…if that fly goes down three
inches I can jump out of the water and eat him.”
There was a bear on the shore thinking, “Gosh…if that fly goes down three
inches… that fish will jump for the fly… and I will eat him.”
It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake
preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. “Gosh,” he thought, “if that fly goes
down three inches… and that fish leaps for it… that bear will expose
himself and grab for the fish. I”ll shoot the bear and then have a proper
lunch.”
A mouse by the hunter”s foot was thinking, “Gosh… if that fly goes down
three inches… and that fish jumps for that fly… and that bear grabs for
that fish… the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese
sandwich.”
A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought,
“Gosh… if that fly goes down three inches…and that fish jumps for that
fly… and that bear grabs for that fish…and that hunter shoots that
bear… and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich… then I can
catch him and have mouse for lunch.”
Finally, the poor fly is so hot and so dry that he heads down for the
cooling mist of the water…
The fish swallows the fly… The bear grabs the fish… The hunter shoots
the bear… The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich… The cat jumps for the
mouse… The mouse ducks… The cat misses the mouse and falls into the water.
The moral of the story is….
Whenever a fly goes down three inches…
You get a wet pussy.
:)
