I did it

I found the message behind Robot Unicorn Attack. The game revolves around star combos. It's the only way to succeed. When you're cranking along at 40,000 you need to hit a star and have it give you 2500 points. When you miss a star it resets to 100 points and you have to build back up. Common knowledge. All of our successful 50,000+ point runs have been because of star combos. You know this because the score grows in faunt with every star you hit

However, we all know that sometimes missing a star is out of our control. When they're up on the little islands it's just a guessing game, and none of us actually chooses to jump up on top. So one can only find true success when the stars are in the correct places to hit every one while going along at mach 3 and not hitting obstacles.

Thus the underlying message of the game is that success only comes about when the stars are aligned properly

I feel as though it's a very poor message for Adult Swim to try to cram in our heads however I have a theory as to why. Adult Swim is the classic channel for fat video game nerds who still live in their parents' basements. Not knocking Adult Swim, I find some of its shows quite humorous, this is simply fact. If the video game nerds feel as though success will not come to them since the stars are not aligned properly, they don't pursue anything and, in return, they sit at home and watch Adult Swim thus increasing the viewers and ratings of a failing television station.

Take Norton, a 33 year old Warcraft hobbyist who still lives with his mother, Linda and her nine cats Misty, Mindy, Cindy, Christy, Peaches, Snuggles, Pawsers, Sandy, and Jeff. Norton has failed to find a job as a video game designer despite his revolutionary idea of having a sex-based video game involving a sex doll with live action responses. The goal of the game is to please a woman which, Norton's clever catch, is impossible thus prolonging the game for months. The sex doll has sensors all over her body and, similar to Guitar Hero or DJ Hero (Daft Punk are sellouts) one has to hit the correct sensors at the correct times...with his penis and mouth.

Norton pitched this game to all the major developers and even some of the smaller developers but they were not ready for such a revolutionary pitch. Dejected, Norton returned home and wondered why nobody liked such a good idea. He drifted to Robot Unicorn Attack, and, similar to myself, he used his incredibly smart brain to decipher the hidden message. He realized that it was simple star alignment that kept the developers from accepting his pitch so he took off his pants and sat down on his Dorito encrusted couch and watched some random ass Adult Swim show after getting really blazed.

Norton is one of many to experience this, all because of Robot Unicorn Attack's simple yet persuasive and life-altering hidden message.

No need to thank me