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March, 2024

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HELP...Burned my girlfriends cooch

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CoonKiller
Posts: 677 - Karma: 86
OK so my parents went out with family friends,and they'll be home within an hour

heres what happened i volunteer on my cousin softball team(im 17 the girls are15)

and i met this girl named allison,were going out for awhile.and we have alot in common, sometimes i help her with her homework.I helped her write an english essay and she still got a c because her teacher is a prick but anyway....She came over like an hour ago,and i really wanted to lose my virginity so i ask her to have sex.

"no i cant its not right"she said but i told her" dont worry i know what im doing,ill be done in like 10 seconds,plus ill give you two n64 games if you say yes."

So i gave her diddy kong racing and ken griffey jr baseball,and then she goes to my room,shes a bit confused and scared.

Then i think to myself-yo i need lube right?I heard you need to lube up her clit or else it wont fit properly.

Ok so i have no lube,but i really want to lose my virginity-so i grab some butter from the fridge,but its cold,it wont melt-so i microwaved it for 8 minutes,and then i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter,now shes saying i burned it.

I dont know what todo,my parents will be bcak soon and shes inthe bathroom crying..please help me.

Any idea on how i can shut her up?Should i give her another n64 game?
Nov 1 2010 4:19PM
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Heinzler
Posts: 1931 - Karma: 125
epic thread..
Nov 1 2010 6:13PM
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NS=NeverSucks
Posts: 256 - Karma: 17
You don't need lube for her clit and if you do anal you use lube because it easier to fit in then without lube. "I watch to much porn."
Nov 1 2010 6:14PM
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jibnut
Posts: 3038 - Karma: 304
Have you ever had sex with a girl?
Nov 1 2010 6:15PM
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dex.
Posts: 2973 - Karma: 62
rrooaasstteedd
Nov 1 2010 6:16PM
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GayWolf420
Posts: 36680 - Karma: 110,544
Obviously not. Vaginas are scary.
Nov 1 2010 6:16PM
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ORDEAL
Posts: 6386 - Karma: 75
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Nov 1 2010 6:19PM
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jorb.co
Posts: 2581 - Karma: 468
this game defined my entire childhood.
Nov 1 2010 6:21PM
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I_Am_Mod
Posts: 13214 - Karma: 3,753
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ffing scary beasts if you ask me !

now if they'd be pink and pooped rainbows they'd be like a gentle aquatic kind of unicorn, but now they are just plain scary shit !

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^^i must admit, the toyset is kinda rad ...
Nov 1 2010 6:23PM
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.coloRADo.
Posts: 234 - Karma: 39
No they are not scary. Get a pet one and you will see how loyal they are
Nov 1 2010 6:26PM
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tfast
Posts: 607 - Karma: 7
the simple solution: pee on her face. dont risk pregnation
Nov 1 2010 6:28PM
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ClownPrince
Posts: 500 - Karma: 10
copy...what?

copypasta. that's what.
Nov 1 2010 6:29PM
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Poon_Handler
Posts: 361 - Karma: 42
-so I microwaved it for 8 minutes-

lol'ed so hard at that part
Nov 1 2010 6:32PM
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I_Am_Mod
Posts: 13214 - Karma: 3,753
what kind of leash would you suggest for my narwhals? i'm thinking about a nice leather one and a rainbow colored collar, but maybe a retractable leash would be better since i understand narwhals need a lot of space and movement ....

maybe a treadmill could do the trick as well ?
Nov 1 2010 6:33PM
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IceCreamer
Posts: 1587 - Karma: 27
This thread is cool.
Nov 1 2010 6:38PM
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jibnut
Posts: 3038 - Karma: 304
Do you even have to ask?
Nov 1 2010 6:40PM
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jibnut
Posts: 3038 - Karma: 304
treadmills are the trick to everything. fat chicks, skiing on grassy flat back yards, OK GO videos..
Nov 1 2010 6:44PM
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garrettwiz
Posts: 2662 - Karma: 34
15 year old and 17 isn't illegal.
Nov 1 2010 6:47PM
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Hoover
Posts: 1432 - Karma: 52
fuck you dude my real name is nick coon
Nov 1 2010 6:49PM
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.frenchy
Posts: 18212 - Karma: 12,257

You... Just got trolled.

Nov 1 2010 7:24PM
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.frenchy
Posts: 18212 - Karma: 12,257
Oh haha, I thought you were telling me to die.
Nov 1 2010 7:28PM
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no_steeze
Posts: 23992 - Karma: 4,267
i would've accepted that n64 game trade as well
Nov 1 2010 7:30PM
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Gstrong
Posts: 4776 - Karma: 518
1. give her another nintendo 64 game
2.tell her you're going to have sex
3.???????
4. PROFIT!!!
Nov 1 2010 7:31PM
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ECB
Posts: 6991 - Karma: 618
I lost it at the 8 minute part
Nov 1 2010 7:33PM
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Phormat
Posts: 774 - Karma: 20
yeah i don't think you could get near butter after 8 mins, shit would blow up everywhere
Nov 1 2010 7:34PM
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tuna.
Posts: 2627 - Karma: 111
if i had a camera i'd take a picture with the 2 n64 games sitting next to me, ken griffey jr baseball and diddy kong racing.
Nov 1 2010 7:42PM
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klayer_9
Posts: 2037 - Karma: 188
the only good thing about this thread is the Narwhale image gallery.

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Nov 1 2010 7:46PM
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.coloRADo.
Posts: 234 - Karma: 39
I'd go with the rainbow collar for sure. And probably a retractable because it says "hey you can have some freedom but just remember I'm in charge" and you definately need to rent how to train your narwal. Because if you don't you will have to buy a muzzle because they can get somewhat vish around others if they aren't trained ya know!?
Nov 1 2010 7:51PM
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B.Aussie
Posts: 5851 - Karma: 4,522
My friends response "damn, thought this was going to be a good wax story."
Nov 3 2010 6:41PM
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LIL-WAT
Posts: 1510 - Karma: 146
TROLL BUT STILL FUNNY KKKKKK NS
Nov 3 2010 6:54PM
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steezemeister
Posts: 1186 - Karma: 37
shittiest troll attempt evar
Nov 3 2010 7:06PM
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whistler14
Posts: 247 - Karma: 14
hahahaha
Jan 2 2011 7:51PM
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Stickity
Posts: 7750 - Karma: 769
should have used mayo
then she doesn't get burned, just gets maggots
Jan 2 2011 7:55PM
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Austin69
Posts: 735 - Karma: 677
I laughed so hard
Jan 2 2011 8:05PM
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Tall_Paul
Posts: 958 - Karma: 57
nice try
Jan 2 2011 8:14PM
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J-Evs
Posts: 6387 - Karma: 1,615
not amused
Jan 2 2011 8:17PM
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tripnip
Posts: 1882 - Karma: 482
i laugh every time i hear that story.... THAT WAS A FUCKING REPOST!!!! its a great and funny story though
Jan 2 2011 8:20PM
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thisandthatfilms
Posts: 7713 - Karma: 525
oh god hahahaahahhaa
Jan 2 2011 8:20PM
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dispatchQ_main
Posts: 2619 - Karma: 629
Who the hell brought this back ..
Jan 2 2011 8:22PM
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The_Cube
Posts: 847 - Karma: 211
haha, why would giving her n64 game work? i think that only works on guys, if a girl gave me a n64 game i would love it
Jan 2 2011 8:28PM
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