I have a story to tell.
Earlier today I was at home having lunch and felt that familiar grumble in my tum, notifying me that it was time for dumpage. Excited, I headed for the porcelain palace. Fast forward, my business with the gods of the porcelain throne complete, it was time to clean up the aftermath. Absent minded as can be, I suddenly find myself staring into the face of an empty roll of toilet paper.
So i said to myself, "Holy cock swinging santa claus shit Chris, settle the fuck down and get a goddamn hold of yourself". I pondered my options...do I just leave the bathroom, go to the hallway and grab another roll? Do I phone a friend? Oh wait, I have no friend, not one friend. OR do I check the cabinets in the bathroom in hopes that at some point I managed to stash some extra shit paper there? I chose the last option.
I decided to hike my huggies (boxers) back up for some reason, and leave my pantelones at my ankles. I sauntered, yes sauntered with lots of SWAGGER, over to the sink cabinets and LOW AND BEHOLD...a secret stash of shit paper. In my infinite wisdom at some point in the past, I thought ahead and prepared my future self for this dumpage catastrophe. Armed with my fresh paper in hand I finished the job and dressed myself in a hurry, washing my hands, doing the double guns point in the mirror, and exiting the bathroom.