I would normally keep this sort of diatribe to Ladies men, but this is too important (and somewhat comical) to pass up.
I, NS, am hairy. not like your run of the mill 20 year old. This is not your inklings of chest hair or happy trail. No, I am HAIRY. I'm looking for a pic, but lets put it this way: If there were a contest at my school for being the most hairy, I would win by a long shot. My nickname, other than X (for being extreme, damn ohio people) is SWEATER.
I have had shoulder pad equivalents of hair, on my shoulders. You know that guy in National Lampoon's Beta house, the hairy one? that's me, skinnier, with BLACK hair. I could pass for an Arab man if I needed/wanted too. Beard Contests? winner every time. NS (and the Ladies of NS), its bad.
I've been doing some man-scaping lately, because I know (don't lie) that most attractive women like a man who is chest-hair free, something that is fit and lean and gives the ladies a bit of bragging rights at the beach. yep, he's mine, that's what they think.
But shaving this wooly mammoth is making the hair on my chest and other areas stubbly. My fathers suggested I try Veet ( or more commonly known as nair). We are leaving for Lake Powell tomorrow, so I thought what the hey, why not. It keeps the hair from being stubbly and lasts longer. seemed logical.
I put it on, followed the instructions, took it off, and it didn't really work. I did another application, this time with the help of my father. MOTHER OF GOD this stuff burned. I left it on there for 8 excrutiating minutes to make sure that hair was all gone. As my Dad rubbed the washcloth to remove the now acidicly scorched hair, my skin began to get EXTREMELY irritated, and started flaking off in some places. I now have red bumps all over my chest and back, and it hurts like a BITCH.
So, NS man-scapers: DO NOT USE VEET OR NAIR. It hurts, irritates your skin, is a bitch to apply, and will leave you as red and pimply as that computer geek who picks his nose all the time next to you in your statistics class.
If you wish to man-scape:
1. WAX IT. Yea, it hurts like a bitch (I've done it), but the hair stays away for six weeks, you are silky smooth, and leaves little irritation. Plus, having a female hold your hand through the process, knowing that you are doing it for her, scores points.
2. if you have the cash (10,000 big ones) laser that shit. You'll never have to deal with it. i assume most of you don't have 10 g's sitting around, so...
3. At the very least, shave it. Yea, you'll be a bit more stubbly, but that is what shaving your face does, and you maintain that shit anyway.
AND LADIES:
If you so even dare to say "But I like guys with chest hair" prepare for my wrath. After conferring with NUMEROUS women (yes, that is a claim, you better fuckin believe it), I would estimate 9.5 out of ten of you would prefer a man without the hair, genetically or otherwise.
Ask yourself: If two equal men were right next to each other, one with chest hair and one without, who would you choose?
that's what I thought.
your welcome, thanks for listening, and / rant
