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PartyBullshiit
March, 2024

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The Secret to Pooping Properly

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squibble
Posts: 4569 - Karma: 104
I will now tell you how to get no-wipers for 90% of your daily deuces. It's something I've recently discovered after getting tired of wiping my ass and wasting so much precious TP doing so. When you go to take your next shit, whether it be outside on a lawn or in your own sanctuary, take care to spread your ass cheeks ever so slightly. The first log that drops might feel a bit funny, but only at first. Unless you've dropped the mother load and you think you may have clogged the toilet then I can guarantee that for 9/10 times you will face a virtual* no-wiper scenario.

*It's always a good habit to do a safety wipe just incase.
May 6 2010 10:42PM
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s.parker
Posts: 1041 - Karma: 259
i know what you mean
May 6 2010 10:45PM
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Cheezcake.
Posts: 721 - Karma: 22
i always spread cheeks a bit and still have to wipe probably 3/4 times. you must just have alot of rock hard shits.

May 6 2010 10:45PM
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H8CH
Posts: 2709 - Karma: 218
I dunno- you'll always have those 'never ending story' days......
May 6 2010 10:47PM
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hundreds
Posts: 775 - Karma: 341
its all in the water/poop ratio to be honost with you. Spreading your cheeks only stops shit from getting on your butt cheek.
May 6 2010 10:50PM
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baethoven
Posts: 4953 - Karma: 332
do anyone else's beer shits have a less then desirable wet composition, but end up being a ghoster nearly every time?
May 6 2010 10:55PM
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debrickshaw
Posts: 1957 - Karma: 68
i literally lol'd at this
10/10
May 6 2010 10:59PM
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Jahseph.
Posts: 1315 - Karma: 267
It has been too long since a poop thread showed up, +K OP
May 6 2010 11:00PM
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statutory_APE
Posts: 100 - Karma: 14
I hate you
May 6 2010 11:00PM
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teleak
Posts: 2251 - Karma: 105
nice icon ^
May 6 2010 11:10PM
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the_moderaper
Posts: 2465 - Karma: 218
am i the only one with butthole hair it gets tangled in? this only works on a legit log for me
May 6 2010 11:13PM
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Squirrel_Murphy
Posts: 2195 - Karma: 1,165
def got the the butthole hair.  wiping? always 100% necessary.  FIBER FIBER FIBER
May 6 2010 11:18PM
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p-fo
Posts: 9372 - Karma: 6,155
i would say no. read this (link is still not working for me):
https://www.newschoolers.com/web/forums/readthread/thread_id/187739/
May 6 2010 11:29PM
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buddychaps
Posts: 1817 - Karma: 583
k i know this is gross as fuck, but i hate when sometimes shit doesn't actually fall off your ass, and you end up having to wipe a motherload of poo. that's absolutely the worst.
May 6 2010 11:38PM
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GreenHorn
Posts: 4896 - Karma: 1,209
hahaha this thread is disgusting
May 6 2010 11:40PM
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alpine_pow
Posts: 137 - Karma: 18
hair --> dingleberries.
May 6 2010 11:42PM
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alpine_pow
Posts: 137 - Karma: 18
ouch ... meant dangleberries
May 6 2010 11:43PM
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gstaff
Posts: 1017 - Karma: 12
Fuckin hate that.  So inconvienent
May 6 2010 11:45PM
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Sean*Miller
Posts: 244 - Karma: 46
a clean shit will always make your day
May 6 2010 11:53PM
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alpine_pow
Posts: 137 - Karma: 18
werd. specially when the entire berry squishes onto your paper when you wipe ...
May 6 2010 11:53PM
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TheDude
Posts: 2058 - Karma: 117

ya i know this happens like once in 500 poos. the best thing to do it wait for gravity to takr place...

May 6 2010 11:56PM
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ChanchoVelez.
Posts: 1029 - Karma: 11
does anyone else's asshole hair just get tangled sometimes? like seriously thats the worst il just be walking and it'll get tangled and feel like my asshole hair is getting ripped out. fuck. anyway this thread is nasty as fuck. im out
May 6 2010 11:58PM
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Kirsakid
Posts: 1793 - Karma: 126
Fuck butt hair ruins everything
May 7 2010 12:02AM
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ohpatti
Posts: 745 - Karma: 25
 
May 7 2010 12:11AM
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squibble
Posts: 4569 - Karma: 104
my butt hair gave me the idea. if you spread your hair is free from the a hole and thus when you wipe your only wiping the sphincter, which usually isnt that dirty.

thats gross detail
May 7 2010 12:12AM
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SteezyOhio
Posts: 6044 - Karma: 60
whip from the front, lift the sack, get it girl, and take your pants completely off before, i've profected pooping.
May 7 2010 12:13AM
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Schlop
Posts: 3640 - Karma: 24
have a heavy fiber intake, either with metamucil or a good diet and ghost poos will come 100% of the time
May 7 2010 12:53AM
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MADDECENT
Posts: 5579 - Karma: 951
psh I made one and that shit got deleted so fast. the mods just hate poops

inb4 unnecessary deletion?
May 7 2010 1:00AM
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Testicles
Posts: 1432 - Karma: 13
Hahaha.  Apparently if you only eat vegetables and fruits and drink only water they will start being 100% clean after like three days.  Almost worth being a vegetarian over?
May 7 2010 1:41AM
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Style+eeze
Posts: 6901 - Karma: 551
ha, i always do that! it helps so much...
May 7 2010 1:44AM
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Lemuel
Posts: 14477 - Karma: 10,515
Wipe from the front, haha no.
May 7 2010 10:18AM
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duckets.
Posts: 1168 - Karma: 41
such a valid point, happened yesterday.
May 7 2010 10:40AM
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Elijah.
Posts: 9322 - Karma: 76
Is pretty much the only reason we're better than monkeys.
May 7 2010 11:10AM
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woollygangster
Posts: 235 - Karma: 18
this is revolutionary... thanks! +k
May 7 2010 12:04PM
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VT_FLO
Posts: 3806 - Karma: 147
You've obviously never eaten at a college dining hall.
May 7 2010 12:16PM
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wintersway
Posts: 5115 - Karma: 128
so true. first year of college is filled with being amazed at how often you poop
May 7 2010 3:12PM
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Jodi
Posts: 4215 - Karma: 745
FIRST girl to post in this thread. hahahahah. hilarious.
May 7 2010 3:18PM
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H8CH
Posts: 2709 - Karma: 218
So what's a girls take on this then?
May 7 2010 3:24PM
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Jodi
Posts: 4215 - Karma: 745
my take? im impressed. while we don't have butthair...(at least - i hope no girl does), I can appreciate a little more now, just exactly what's happening now when a man is in his sanctuary.
May 7 2010 3:28PM
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theblacktaco
Posts: 1462 - Karma: 82
except u girls dont poop ... u just have a glowing white orb inside u that sucks up everthing bad
May 7 2010 3:43PM
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Apresbang
Posts: 618 - Karma: 276
Its gonna be a looooong summer.
May 7 2010 4:20PM
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yojimbo
Posts: 3631 - Karma: 27
humans are actually designed to poop while squatting, not sitting. so if you ever try it out and pop a squat it comes out real nice and clean at least 75% of the time.
May 7 2010 4:50PM
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bootleg_BEN
Posts: 2499 - Karma: 44
Thats true, like when im hunting and i gotta go, it always comes out clean.
May 7 2010 5:41PM
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yojimbo
Posts: 3631 - Karma: 27
exactly. not only does it come out clean, but if you squat properly it actually eases the flow of shit and helps get a more powerful push to fully clear your rectum of all fecal matter.
May 7 2010 6:04PM
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jaythemans
Posts: 243 - Karma: 57

What i've found is with one of the "never ending story" shits, the ones that after the first wipe you know you're gonna be there awhile, is that if i just simply wait and read a good novel the poop eventually dries a bit.  From careful calculation, i've noticed i only have to do about 50% of the usual wipes using this method. 

Thus, i save endless energy on those messy "never ending stories"

May 7 2010 6:22PM
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pmw
Posts: 5760 - Karma: 829
then you have a pancaked ass of poop
May 7 2010 6:28PM
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squibble
Posts: 4569 - Karma: 104
thats wierd ^
May 7 2010 6:48PM
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LIL-WAT
Posts: 1510 - Karma: 146
lol WUT? that shows commitment
May 7 2010 8:29PM
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ace_
Posts: 3189 - Karma: 39
While your statement is true here is how to do it

step 1- pull pants down
step 2- sit on toilet
step 3- sit a little off center of the bowl
step 4- press your left or right cheeck on the lid
step 5- stretch ever so slightly the opposite cheek to the other side of bowl
step 6-  drop bears into toilet
step 7-Click for larger image
May 7 2010 8:44PM
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