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March, 2024

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Worst Parent Lectures/talks

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willyg0808
Posts: 4231 - Karma: 1,364

Bad or awkward talks with your parents

Aug 25 2009 7:27PM
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*Fujative*
Posts: 8554 - Karma: 183
Had a huge party at my house while parents were gone, I was cleaning my I made a sign that said "free beer" on the fridge. I returned all of the bottles and my dad came home and saw the sign...

Dad- Fun weekend?
Me- Pretty relaxing.
Dad- What is this sign on the fridge that says free beer?
Me- I had some friends over.
Dad- As in a party?
Me- As in a few friends over.
Dad- Well your brother told me there was about 40 people here.
Me- Like a said, a few friends over.
Dad- Next time you have a party, just make sure you clean up and nothing getting stolen. Be safe.
Aug 26 2009 3:55PM
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=FAIL=
Posts: 536 - Karma: 47

my dad found an old file of porn off limewire, deleted it, then about a month later proceeded to tell me about it and that we would both be better off if my mum didnt find any of that stuff.

around a month after that, i found an old usb of my dads which he still refuses to talk about.

im thinking, blackmail? 

Aug 26 2009 6:27PM
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looneygeorge
Posts: 633 - Karma: 14
Haha soo many awkward talks, but I loved having them with my parents cause they are so chill:

was 13-14 years old, told my parents I was gonna sleep over at a friend's. went to an awesome party and lost my virginity, drank for 3 nights in a row.. the last night some randoms spike my drink with moonshine so I get majorly fucked up.
 anyway, hospital, pumped.. get home, and my dad stands in the doorway with a big smile and a shotglas filled to the rim with vodka.. I had to drink it to be allowed inside the house.. they sit me down, and they are pretty silent.. I was wondering what my punishment was gonna be.. mom leaves and instantly my dad goes:

- dad: was it fun?
- me: yeah
- dad: If you didn't get laid im gonna tell the whole family you are gay
- me: got laid
- dad: thank god!
and gives me 50 bucks

walks off and tells my mom we talked about my punishment
score


Other time they found out that I had a threesome with twins and they sat me down and the only question they asked was:
- was it as good as they say it is?


ohh and my parents bought me liqour cause when they did the alcohol talk I told them that I couldnt buy alcohol in stores so I bought moonshine all the time.. score x2



Epic long post.
Aug 26 2009 6:41PM
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IceCreamer
Posts: 1587 - Karma: 27
Do you hangout with hillbillies?
Aug 26 2009 6:47PM
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8ONE657
Posts: 3045 - Karma: 209
hahahahahahahahah i was wondering this too...

Aug 26 2009 6:54PM
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looneygeorge
Posts: 633 - Karma: 14
Im Danish, legal drinking age is 16 for beer and non hard liqours - but I moved to Norway with really harsh rules on alcohol and taxes on alcohol make the prices through the roof.. a bottle of jaegermeister can easily cost 50 bucks in Norway, therefore alot of kids buy moonshine.. I never did it since I had my parents.

ohh and for the record, no such thing as hillbillies in Norway.. we are just awesome.
Aug 26 2009 6:54PM
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AlexGaynor
Posts: 947 - Karma: 148
over summer.... my dad was drinking a lil.. he never drinks...
he started talking about weed...
he asked me

dad: have you ever had the opportunity to try it?
me: no

then he talks all about how it can be relaxing, basically inferring that he is a pot head. I personally have a grudge against weed. mainly because of this reason.. my dad is retired in AZ, and is perfectly content with this because he has his weed. so basically i blame weed for the reason i only get to ski 2 times a year, during winter. so basically it was awkward cuz i was the innocent one and he was the guilty one...

but he used to be in a band... he has also inferred to some of the hard shit he has done... I am pretty sure there isn't much he hasn't tried.

then there is my mom... i live with her over summer in Australia where the drinking age is officially 18, but IDs are easy to come by... but she is chill.. I currently owe her $65 for the alcohol she bought me.

she also told me she had to run up flights of stairs of a 5 story building to quit smoking... i have addictive personality in me... i am determined to avoid it. and so far in my 17 years i havn't smoked a thing.
Aug 26 2009 7:06PM
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ThaLorax
Posts: 21061 - Karma: 8,366
tell him the pot is better in california and colorado.  but seriously, it's not the weed, you're dad's just lazy. no need for the drudge.
Aug 27 2009 3:52AM
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Swaggermager
Posts: 2576 - Karma: 951
Fucking epic

+K
Aug 27 2009 9:48PM
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TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
haha i lol-ed
Aug 27 2009 10:52PM
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TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
when i was 15 my dad would always drive me over to my gf's house, and every single time we stopped in her driveway to let me out he'd turn to me and say, "Chris, if you have sex - use a condom" and i'd say, ok thanks dad and laugh.

every single time. not awkward, just goofy.
Aug 27 2009 10:59PM
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Totes_Magotes
Posts: 2259 - Karma: 870
at my friends house talking to his parents (with my parents) about how we just got back from the police station because i got caught stealing a 30 from a store. and the kids i was with were there.. my parents didn't really like me that night.. oh ya. i'm 15, and the dumbest kid on the face of the planet
Aug 27 2009 11:06PM
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ganja~train13
Posts: 27 - Karma: 11
epic pass.

if thats the opposite for an epic fail
Aug 27 2009 11:47PM
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AdolfShitler
Posts: 1618 - Karma: 32
delete history?
Aug 27 2009 11:55PM
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joly.sp
Posts: 2305 - Karma: 585

When i was like 8/9 my family were playing monopoly and instead of saying Virginia Ave. I said Vagina Ave. We had a talk

I dont play monopoly anymore.

Aug 27 2009 11:56PM
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BRec
Posts: 566 - Karma: 39
haha i got that like a week before i got caught when i was in the car with my dad and i couldnt walk away wtich sucked

also when i was in on the comp when i was a horny little kid my dad came home when i was soapin the rope and was almost done desided to fuck it finish the job he walked in as i was pulling up my pants the convo went like

dad- wat the fuck are you doing on my work computer

me- umm aaaaa jacking off

dad- o well i can see that

me- well yea see ya

dad- wo lets go get you your own computer to fuck up with viruses so i dont get them on mine

very aqward begining ended out quite well
Aug 28 2009 12:09AM
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Funnel
Posts: 7808 - Karma: 1,414
When my parents asked why I take shits and listen to my iPod.
Aug 28 2009 12:27AM
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Mailbox
Posts: 109 - Karma: 10
When my parents walked in on this girl giving me head my dad had to talk to me about using protection. I told him i have nothing to worry about if i'm just busting loads on her face

he was trying to be serious but i couldnt stop laughing
Aug 28 2009 1:05AM
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t_rob
Posts: 6433 - Karma: 11,458
that reminds me of my own trunk.
Aug 28 2009 1:11AM
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woolymammoth
Posts: 242 - Karma: 13
my girlfriends mom found out i had her over when my parents were out of town
she blackmailed me into telling my parents

me-mom can i tell you something
mom-sure anything
me-when you and dad were gone i had alyssa over so we could have sex

she made me tell dad too, doubly awkward
Aug 28 2009 1:48AM
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doublexl
Posts: 8407 - Karma: 26
right after i got busted with cronik and adderall, my dad took me to breakfast and told me about all the fucked up shit in his life. were not really that close, but he went through some fucked up shit i guess. it was awkward between us for so long after that.
Aug 28 2009 1:55AM
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Shewlur...
Posts: 5046 - Karma: 940
Haha my parents asked me why I use my laptop while taking shits...

Even more awkward.
Aug 28 2009 1:58AM
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.Apex.
Posts: 2097 - Karma: 1,556
Dad catches me with weed goes something like this:

Dad- Where'd you get it
me- i dunno
Dad- this is fresh , top of the plant thc enhanced , probably church this stuff doesnt come from just anyone
me- how did you know that
Dad- im a lawyer i deal with this kind of stuff
me- your a small courts divorce lawyer
*awkward pause*
dad- we'll talk later
Aug 28 2009 10:14PM
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hellomynameisjef
Posts: 5794 - Karma: 167
my dad tried to give me a sex talk, and it ended up being a talk about how much pussy he slayed in high school.
Aug 28 2009 10:18PM
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grifftang
Posts: 1277 - Karma: 14
first time i got caught smoking



when i bought 60 dollars worth of porn : /



tenth time i got caught smoking
Aug 28 2009 10:21PM
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quixotic
Posts: 6937 - Karma: 2,978
A couple years ago my parents left for the day for a wedding and I had some ganja plants growing in my closet. I decided to put them out on the back deck to get some nice sun like I did every day. In the afternoon I hear the garage door open and I was upstairs in my room on NS and I'm thinking "oh FUCK". Apparently they decided to stop home before the reception. These plants were about 5 inches tall at the time. I came down stairs quickly and go out the front door and loop around the back of the house in what I thought was a casual manner. I grab the plants off the back deck and hide them on the side of the house in the bushes. I walk back in the front door and my mom says "Hey Farmer Brown, What were you doing out there?" I had no idea what to say so I was like "I don't know... I was going to jump on the trampoline and decided not to". Then my mom said "You should probably give those plants to a friend whose parents don't know what they are". I didn't say anything, I just turned around and went back upstairs on NS.
Aug 28 2009 10:57PM
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hank_hill
Posts: 1273 - Karma: 217
same worst few days ever.....
Aug 28 2009 11:31PM
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Ski..4..Life
Posts: 1347 - Karma: 97
wasnt really bad or anything but it went roughly like this:

If your gonna have sex, use a condom.
If your gonna do drugs, do weed.
If your gonna drink alchol, dont get so shitfaced that you can't make sensible descisions and never drink or drive. 

3 good rules to live by in my books.
Aug 28 2009 11:52PM
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J_Dums3
Posts: 146 - Karma: 89
why parasailing is "so dangerous"
Aug 29 2009 12:14AM
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Pee_and_Ski
Posts: 1869 - Karma: 57
the ass raping i got after i crashed my jeep for the third time, or when i got a speeding ticket, or when my parents saw me smoking when we were camping
Aug 29 2009 12:14AM
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quixotic
Posts: 6937 - Karma: 2,978
I agree except for the drugs part... just be smart. the big no no's would be heroin, meth, crack, and anything else that is just plain stupid.
Aug 29 2009 12:29AM
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ThaLorax
Posts: 21061 - Karma: 8,366
haha, that's great
Aug 29 2009 4:16AM
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jayo.
Posts: 5015 - Karma: 34
my dad was giving me a lecture about driving but he ended up telling me a story which involved sexing a girl in the back of a moving car and punching a cop in the face moments after.
Aug 29 2009 4:38AM
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70794Willow
Posts: 334 - Karma: 38
u were only 12 and that punishment was that hard?
wow, kinda weird i guess.

as for me, i never really got any talks except for the one i hear all the time during break
" u can hang out with ur friends and party and we support that becuase we were also young but just don't neglect ur school, then everything's fine with us."


Aug 29 2009 5:23AM
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B-runge
Posts: 16558 - Karma: 360
when i got caught smoking weed in like 8th grade...
crying
"im disjointed in you"
"what are other people going to think of us"
the works...

hasnt happened again cuz im so skillful.....
Aug 29 2009 6:02AM
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freestyler540
Posts: 13045 - Karma: 18,292
When my mother found my stash... damn that was akward
Aug 29 2009 10:26AM
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Charles.
Posts: 936 - Karma: 1,185
"chocolate covered pretzles arent worth getting your license suspended"
-when i tried to drive my friend to a stop and shop 1 min away his dad came out of nowhere and gave us a lecture

and i hate the: "are you sexually active?"

and my friends got caught smoking and my parents interrogated me went something like:
have you ever tried marijuana?
... no
so your friends are ok if you dont?
uh sure?
are you sure?
yeah
so which of your friends do?
 
haha idk i just remember it was so awkward and they had to know i was lying
Aug 29 2009 11:10AM
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steezeeepolizeee
Posts: 8756 - Karma: 796
looks like your already fucked cuz you forgot an "r" in drugs.....
Aug 29 2009 11:11AM
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Alex=God
Posts: 2422 - Karma: 139
Grandma - Alex do you smoke weed?
Me - Nope
G - Oh well good because your gonna fuck up your lungs you get much higher smoking rock.

That one was weird.


Then one time i had a party while my parents were at the lake and i threw maybe about 3 or 4 trash bags of beercans in the wood behind my house.

Mom - Honestly Alex, tell me, are those your beercans
Me - No, must be the neighbors or something (They were directly behind our house and our neighbors don't drink)
Mom - So your saying you didn't have anyone over.
Me - Nope
Mom - Then why did Dillion and Max both leave there backpacks here
Me - Oh fuck
Mom - Busted, don't worry I won't tell your father.



Plus I always feel awkward after throwing a party the night before my parents get home and then they come home and it just feels like they know something and your gonna get fucked.
Aug 29 2009 11:45AM
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Runthered
Posts: 208 - Karma: 7
my mom is drunk at her own house party
and i just got off a 7 hour work shift at the ski hill and i come in
and in front all her friends she starts talking to me about sex
being like
mom:peter have you ever had sex
Me:no mom i am too young i want to wait until i am married(joke)
mom: peter you gotta stop being such a panzy and go fuck a girl
all of her friends start laughing at me and being like you should really at your age fuck everything that moves...
i ended up just leaving because my mom offered me condom's
Aug 29 2009 12:02PM
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statuswhitegirl
Posts: 4058 - Karma: 883
hahahaa i have a similar story

when i was like 11 my cousins were all like 17, and at christmas we were all playing ps2 and shit and it was mad late and my cousin randomly said anal rape as a joke, the next day, not knowing what it meant said it while we were all eating breakfast as a family, it was so awkward when my mom pulled me into the next room and explained what it meant, so embarassing
Aug 29 2009 12:20PM
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hank_hill
Posts: 1273 - Karma: 217
what'd you end up doing with those brandon?
Aug 29 2009 1:17PM
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BrewskiJr
Posts: 5738 - Karma: 1,478
Im about to get one via phone. I just got caught last night drinking in my dorm. So fucking stupid i know. About to call them as we speak and break the news to them. so bummed
Aug 29 2009 1:21PM
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JHDski47
Posts: 596 - Karma: 26
Thats me! I was that friend he tried to drive! yay.  That was the funniest lecture imaginable
Aug 29 2009 1:27PM
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McChuggage
Posts: 93 - Karma: 13
i used to hide all my paraphanalia in my broken printer. my mom goes to print something in my room and its jammed so she opens up the printer an like 6 pipes roll out. that was an awkward talk
Aug 29 2009 1:46PM
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DaewonS
Posts: 717 - Karma: 104
back when i was a young teen and pretty dumb.

basically i had an AIM conversation about acid with my friend and left it open. my dad found it

dad- mike, i cant believe my own son is doing acid
me-dad ive never done it. i was just making that up it was a joke
dad-alright well people on the internet can see that. dont do it again
me- k. i can still go to camp right?
dad- yeah
me- sweet
Aug 29 2009 1:56PM
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appa
Posts: 2249 - Karma: 1,739
me "what should i do to make me look good on college applications?"
mom "read a real newspaper article every morning instead of newschoolers"

she's right i spend way too long on this site and i need to get my shit together and take some ap classes and do community service
Sep 21 2009 7:00PM
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7-3instacall
Posts: 999 - Karma: 1,005
hahahhaa
Sep 21 2009 7:11PM
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appa
Posts: 2249 - Karma: 1,739
on the 8 year anniversary of my dad's death, my moms new husband boosted music so loud i could hear it as i was writing in my memory journal of my dad. i was so angry i threw the door off the hinge and told him to turn it down and go fuck himself. he fucking laughed at me. the next day my sister walked upstairs and found him asking my mom if she could talk to me about apologizing and help him win the argument. when i finally said something to him a week later he hastily denied laughing while my mother was in the room. still awkward now but what do i care
Sep 21 2009 7:23PM
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