rather than investing their time in the illicit enterprise us normal people call sex, mormons have different ways of stimulating their genitals. The first style they have adapted is called floating. Rather than actually engaging in back and fourth penetration, a mormon male will leave his penis in a mormon female's vagina and just let it float there for an extended period of time. This is a very popular ritual practiced by millions of happy mormon couples everywhere. Ussually during this extreme act of closeness, the male and the female will talk about mundane things and scriptures they have read about in their place of worship. Its great bonding experience and doesnt effect their chances of getting into heaven. Another popular thing mormon partners do is have anal sex. Rather than lose her virginity and be forced to burn in hell with all the black, indian and other non mormon people, the female mormon will let the mormon male put his penis in her poop hole. This act is seen as more socially acceptable even though its still technically sex and far less enjoyable for the female. By not engaging in sex by either having ( anal sex) or floating the mormon females and males of the world guarantee their place in heaven. that means all the rest of you that have pre marital sex and dont choose to participate in the relegiously acceptable acts of floating or anal sex will be forced to burn in hell for eternity.
the mormon church requires a large fee to participate. Its a great deal!
you're forgetting the classic, go to college for a semester, meet a returned missionary, marry him after only knowing him for like a month or so, and then get married by age 18 and have 9 kids and then become hooked on meth. Also the purchase of a mini van is soon to fallow.