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Study abroad, by the College Humor Guide to College…
STUDY ABROAD DESTINATION
UNITED KINGDOM: ‘’Pound sterling for pound sterling, the world’s best.’’
-What’s the deal?: Would you like to study abroad, but not to deal with the hassle of learning a new language? Then the United Kingdom is for you! Whoa, is that an apartment or a flat?
-Things to see: London. Then it’s just France before a woman’s underpants. Schoolyard chants don’t lie. Now, how about that place in France where the naked ladies dance?
-Things not to see: Wales. Has nothing to do with Free Willy and everything to do with a shitty country full of sheep and textile mills.
-One great items to bring: Handgun. You’ll have the only one on the whole island, and you will be their master.
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FRANCE: ‘’ No, we don’t call French toast, “toast”!’’
-What’s the deal?: The French love nothing more than not loving you. Don’t get mad if a Frenchman get angry at you; he’s just naturally mad because his car is small, he stinks of brie, and his daughter finds you irresistible.
-Things to see: Normandy. See where Grandpa once orphaned twenty German children with one well-placed grenade toss.
-Things not to see:EuroDysney. There’s nothing stranger than a Frenchman in a Goofy costume. Goofy indeed.
-One great items to bring: Your republican committee membership card.
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ITALY: ‘’Once great, now dirty.’’
-What’s the deal?: The ancestral homeland of Danny DeVito is one hot place. Make sure to bring plenty of sunscreen and gypsy repellent if you plan on seeing the sights.
-Things to see: Pompeii’s ancient whorehouse. Come see the exact spot where the world’s oldest professional blowjob was given back when you could give a whore three rocks for oral sex and she’d gladly accept. A generous tip was handful of dirt.
-Things not to see: Pisa. Everyone first thought when they see the leaning tower is: ‘’Hmmm, I wonder if it will fall today.’’ Answer: no.
-One great items to bring: Pizza Hut coupon. Redeemable for one confused Italian cashier.
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SPAIN: ‘’ The England of Mexico.’’
-What’s the deal?: The average American takes six semester of Spanish in high school but will reduced to yelling, ‘’Which way to el bano!!!’’ on their Spanish vacation. Remember to look around and say aloud, ‘’This shithole controlled the world for centuries!?!?’’
-Things to see: Ibiza. Drugs? Sex? Techno music? It’s as if Tara Reid’s mind created an island.
-Things not to see: Madrid. The Newark of the Iberian Peninsula.
-One great items to bring: Hammock. Bring this fine piece of lounge equipment along and you can participate to the national sport: Laziness!
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JAPAN: ‘’ We know what your tattoo means.’’
-What’s the deal?: The Japanese are lot like the Chinese, but don’t tell them or they’ll karate kick you to outer space. Or is that the Chinese? See!
-Things to see: Tokyo. There’s only one city in the world where you can sleep in a tube, and we’re not referring to a homoerotic metaphor.
-Things not to see: Sumo match. You’ll become depressed when you realize that the Sumos aren’t that much bigger than your fat American ass.
-One great items to bring: Used panties. Sell them on the street for some extra cash… Seriously, they buy that crap over there.
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AUSTRALIA: ‘’England’s Alabama.’’
-What’s the deal?: If you’re looking for kangaroos or sand, this place is a done deal. A crocodile done-deal.
-Things to see: The Great Barrier Reef. This is the largest living thing on Earth. It is your job as a native Kentuckian to try to kill it.
-Things not to see: Great white shark. You see, you die. They keep things simple down there; no rules, just right!
-One great items to bring: A shiv wrapped in a bandana. This country is originally founded by prisoners, so you can never be to careful.
