when i got hurt a month ago and was in the hospital and i was on morphine and oxy codone and other shit...all of which is extremely constipating...but it didnt matter because i could not leave my bed...finally the day came where i could get out of bed and of course i couldnt shit for the life of me...all the while i knew this was going to happen...so i couldnt shit for a couple days and was mad, because i knew, like last time, i would have to get some sort of external aid to help me release the beast...this time there was no aemima...it was a sopisitory. a sopisitory is this wax thing that looks like a bullet only a lot bigger. it has stool softening shit in it, and when you put it in your ass the wax melts and the medecine is release and stuff happens, as you will soon see....ok, so they also gave me this little thing of lube that looked more like one of the little ketchup packets at a fast food joint (these would be really sick if they had ky in them and you could keep them in your car and shit, instead of a fatty tube, but nevermind)...the nurse, who was pretty hot, brought all the shit in and offered to do it for me. FUCK NO...i hadnt showered in weeks and it smelled like my crotch was rotting, not to mentiont that i doubt she could have found her way to my cornhole through my dark, dangerous jungle of ass hair...so she left me with a glove, some lube and a little bullet critter on the hospital table that rolls around. i stared at it for a couple hours getting myself pumped up. after practicing a couple times i said fuck it..i assumed the position like a chick at the gyno gettin her pap...i lubed that bitch up a slid it in...or at least tried too...the shit was so backed up i had a wicked turtle head...so i had to push it in super hard through my shit...i literally shoved my own shit in...but the shit was fighting back...IT WAS MAD! it didnt like this new little enemy...so i battled trying to get it in, but it would always pop back out...so i had to keep my finger shoved in my ass to hold it in there...it was a real mess....lube, wax and poop were all over my bed, but i didnt give a fuck, i really had to shit...but alas, i gave up...i couldnt hold my figer in my ass any longer...i was fucking pissed...i would have to get my nurse, which takes a long time, to order another sopositor, which takes a really long time, and then i would have to do this shit all over again, which didnt feel nice...my anus burned from all the in and out action it was seeing. oh, i forgot to mention that my girlfriend was there, but i made her go outside the curtain, but i gave her the play by play you better fucking believe it...haha, anyhow, i told her i was done and she came back in and we reflected on the situation. all of a sudden shit started happening, i was getting gasy...but that was nothing new...i didnt think it would be a shit coming on, because i had conviced myself the sopository had failed. i stood up to see my girlfriend out the door, and then i knew it was fucking on...the second i stood up i knew this was the time...i rusher her out the door and got into the bathroom...holy shit, i knew what was in store from my enima a few years early...luckily this was a hospital bathroom so it had those handles on the wall to help you stand...i gripped on for dear life and waited for it to hit...now when you take these things it diesnt do anything to your poop, it fuckes with your o ring...it dialates it....yes dialate, like a vagina on a birthing mother...you loose control of you anus man, no joke...it fucking opends up so wide you dont know if you are going to see tomorrow...but is also proof that YOU CAN FIST SOMONE IN THE ASS...so it hit me like a truck, i fucking held on a was yelling cuss words like a mother fucker...i was surprised i didnt rip the granny handles off the wall...i sat there for about an hour relishing in my accomplishment and reading about brittney spears marriage in a people magazine...when i was confiednt i had finished i got the fuck out of that room...where i saw my roomate, who was a carbon copy of andre from outkast when he is forty years old...he smiled at me and i nodded, he knew the hustle...then i got back in my bed and watched law and order and the x files for hours upon hours completely satisfied.