I am writing to inform you that there
has been a death in the family, A rogue in the system, or in simple
words, something that simply shouldn't be said, and just isn't right.
I am, before your very eyes, answering Question Four, "Three Reasons
Why Simon Dumont is the most attractive man alive." First(!) may I
bring to attention his dreamy eyes. Bluer than a the depths of Lake
Tahoe, colder than a Whistler pow day, yet as vibrant as a warm spring
morning, as yearning as a summer glacier jump line calling your name,
and as wistful as having to leave the mountain 5 hours before closing.
They speak of summers gone by and winters yet to come, of comp runs yet
to stomp and pillow lines waiting to be slashed. The only comparison I
can find is the near perfect Zac Efron(see link A), who pales in
comparison to Simon's heavenly good looks and ravishing charm.
Secondly is his hair. A simple search on Google images reveals
that The Dumont's hair is perfection at it's best. It perfectly rests
above his heart-stopping smile, perfectly straight with a slight wave
towards the end. Even after a long hard day of progressing the sport
and showing up all the would be competition, his helmet hair puts all
other forms of hair to death(see link B. It is like a quiet seduction,
a warm summers sunset over the Costa Rican Pacific Coast. The way it
tosses in the wind after a perfectly executed cork 900 and the way it
frames his face, with a Red Bull New Era hat playfully perched on the
Lastly, his immaculate goggle tan. The contrast from the
flawless patch of skin above his angelic arching eyebrows to the
chiseled cheek bones, and finely shaped chin is enough to make anyones
heart skip a beat(see link C). This most perfect of tans can only be
achieved by hours upon hours of slaying, shralping,killing,slaying and
shralping, pow, park, pipe, urban, and the explicit gnar, and EVERYONE
loves a hard working man.
Though he is the target of
so much hate and often accused of selling out, Simon Dumont is the
image of a freestyle skier. Not to mention his work with the Target
House for disfigured children. He is a model citizen, not partaking in
the counter-culture practices of of certain Rastafari inspired
athletes, or the disgustingly urban-inspired underground ski crews,
Simon is a man who we can all wake,ahem,look up to.
The only thing I more than Simon Dumont is a pair of Skullcandy TIs
I almost forgot to call NO HOMO, but don't worry, it's not like I'm gay or anything.
and next time you see Tanner Hall, can you pass this on to him?