Once upon a time, there was a lonely unicorn, his name was Charlie. He lived right by the ocean and ate clams all day long. One morning, he decided he would go for a jog on Da Beach. He started at a slow, careful pace, and gradually made his way up to a run. While at full speed, he heard a moan from the ocean. He turned to the left, to the left, and he saw a dolphin flapping it's flippers on and near its boobies. Soon after, the dolphin screamed "Come here you horny feller!" The unicorn was shocked, amazed, and could not believe that a dolphin was capable of this.
All of a sudden, the unicorn lifted off the ground, as if he were levitating. He was levitating, like David Blane, but better, since David Blane is a bitch and Chris Angel can do it better. So he slowly makes his levitating self over to the boob flapping dolphin. As he is on top of the dolphin, still levitating, the dolphin jumps upside down in the air, and is soon penetrated by the unicorns peepee. This is done slow at first, then at a careful pace, and gradually made their way up to a full on porn-star pounding. The unicorn goes, bloop, and it is all over with. The dolphin swam away. The unicorn was heart-broken. He decided to search the ocean for this promiscuous dolphin. He soon looses all of his energy because he did not eat his Fruit-Loops that morning. He also lost the power to levitate, and drops into the ocean, only to be devoured by a giant squid.
A few days later after the unicorn makes his way through the squids beautiful, slimy body, the squid farts, leaving ink, with magical sparkles in it, and all that was left was Charlies horn.
As time went on, the dolphin had a baby, and named him "Gnar". The baby was swimming through the ocean, and came across the Titanic, and discovered a mirror. Little did little Gnar know that he had a large horn pretruding from his forehead. He swam as fast as he possibly could to his mother to find the answer to this monstraus thing on his head. He quickly returns home and askes his mother, and she explains that during birth, Gnar was stuck on the way out of the dolphin, and was actually stuck on a bone. In order to get little Gnar out, the bone had to come with him. He did not disagree with his mother since he had no idea about unicorns.
The next day, Gnar decided to go for a jog, before his Fruit-Loops, started out slow, and gradually made his way up to a steady speed. Here, he found a horn, just like his "bone". Written on the bone in a magic language that only Unicorns can read, was a story. It was the story of Charlies life, love, and death.
So after this, little Gnar started to hang out with whales because he could no longer trust his mother. They gave him the nickname "Gnarwhale". He was later found by humans, and surprisingly enough, given the same name as his nickname. Little Gnar was no longer alive, and his mother only worried more as every day went by. Gnar did exactly what his mother did to his father. Left and never returned. Now Charlie and Gnar sit in Uniheaven looking down on the dolphin, always hoping for the worst for her.
MT. BAKER SUCKS