This is posted on johnsymms.com but I thought I'd throw it up here as well. I hope you guys enjoy it, I definitely enjoyed writing it.
Really John? Your career garners such little interest that you literally have to bribe people to watch your godforsaken edit? I would rather watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adYbFQFXG0U until my eyes bleed than have to sit through that train wreck again.You’re no dummy. In fact, it’s quite clever of you to have completely abandoned even the faintest aspirations of obtaining even a modest degree of notoriety as a skier. Your transition into a condescending commentator on the state of freeskiing has been so seamless that most probably assume that your relevance (as fragile as it may be) is solely based on the strength (read: relative strength) of your writing.
I don’t even know where to start. If you’re not being fashionably and superficially self-deprecating in a thin attempt to appear humble and grounded, you’re being cheeky and sarcastic. We get it, John. You’re smarter than everyone. How difficult is it to embarrass 17-year-old kids on NS? You’re 32, bro. Ironic mustaches, ironic bowl cuts, offhandedly referencing obscure music by referencing people who reference obscure music in an “I’m totally above it” fashion? When will it end? You’re so self-conscious and unsure of your own identity that you define yourself by what you aren’t. The only thing more predictable than 4bi9 using a Biggie remix in an edit, is you using a quirky, offbeat song the sole purpose of which, is to establish your “wry sense of humor and individuality.”
Basically, you’re the guy who wears stupid clothes simply because no one else wears them. When confronted with the plain fact that your clothes are stupid, you’ll undoubtedly wax philosophical about the nature of stupid.
Ohhhhhhhhh, artistic cuts, lifestyle shots, and timelapses are cliches?!?! I’m not sure if it was just really important to you that we know that you know that those things are cliche, or if you thought another shot of a backflip or natural slide 90 out would confirm to everyone that you suck. Is it a daily struggle to stifle your contempt for us common folk? If I see you in the streets you’re catching a face push. Word is bond.