A Freeskiers guide to drinking, in 5 easy steps...
Step 1: Form A Crew
The drinking crew is just as important as a skiing crew, If not more. A crew must consist of no less than 3 people, the village idiot, the ladies-man, the aggressor.
The Village Idiot will do whatever anyone tells him to without any hesitation or question. Ask the Village idiot to backflip into a bush and he/she will eagerly oblige. (Ref. Jon McMurray)
The ladies-man although he may not spend much time in the company of the crew, he is a vital member of it. For instance helping determine between Scene or Emo girls, and on occasion can supply each member of the crew with a pre approved scene girl (ref. You like scene girls? Thread, Newschoolers.com Non-Ski Gabber forum.)
The aggressor will be responsible for the pace of drinking, and forcing other members of the crew to drink more than they would like. On occasion he may instigate physical conflict with members of rival drinking crews. But don't worry the aggressor always watches out for his own back and lets the village idiot take the biggest "beating".
Step 2: Dress to Impress
Now that you are off the hill your ski attire will just not cut it in the bar scene, You may be mistaken for a real gangster, you may have conflict with the door staff, or frequently asked if you are a distributor of illegal substances.
However there are a few places where your slider will cut it in the bar scene. For instance, Austria or France have a fantastic Apres Ski scene where you must stay out to the early hours of the morning still sporting your ski equipment after coming straight from the slopes.
Boozer
A boozer is your choice of attire for the evening. Though you may ridicule freeskiers wearing tight pants, in the bar scene tight clothing is essential for a good boozer. This is to show the opposite sex that you have "guns" and that you are comfortable with your sexuality. (No Homo?) However if you are packing more junk than funk, tight is not right!
Accessorize
Hats, Jewelry / Bling, Kicks will all help accentuate your "Baller" status. (S/N Dirty kicks are unacceptable, unless you are making a physical representation of your scene/emoness.)
Like on the hill you can wear a mask to help boost your mystique, a mask can also be used to blend into the crowd during extreme situations (e.g. the aggressor has started a conflict with a rival crew)
Hats are useful accessories as you will not need to groom your hair after wearing a beanie/helmet all day on the hill. Side note: if a girl comes to you and steals your hat, this is a positive sign that she is interested in you, secondary side note, keep her away from the ladies-man.
Step 3: Pick your drink and learn to drink it
Though it can take many years to perfect the art of drinking, basic steps can be learnt very quickly. Just like on the ski hill, it is much more respected to overshoot a jump than to knuckle. This will strike fear in the rival crews in your ability to handle your liquor. It is always better to puke under the bar and be carried out by the door staff, than to have 2 beers and go home early.
Drinks
Once you enter an establishment you must choose your drink carefully, if the establishment does not have your desired beverage then you must vocally express your anger/disgust with the bar staff and other other members of your crew.
Beer is a good choice for all levels of drinkers, however you may see some drinkers to opt straight for shot or mixers of hard liquor, but bare in mind mixing different liqours can result in a serious hangover (see step 5)
Drinking antics.
The best way to impress your crew, members of the opposite sex or same sex (No Homo) is to learn drinking tricks. Balancing your drink on your head is a good start, buying a round of shots with only 1 being liqour and the rest being water is also a good way to take advantage of the Village idiot. High percentage alcohols may be able to be set on fire ( Sambuca, brandy etc.), setting fire to these liqours while they are in your mouth is a good way to demonstrate your physical toughness and ability to take pain.
The aggressor in your crew, may choose to start other side games such as thumbmaster, grenades, penny in glass or any others while will increase the pace of drinking.
Step 4: Be a good drunk.
Dancing, practical jokes and scoring "correctly" are all parts of being a good drunk.
Dancing
when it comes to dancing the best approach ,no matter what genre of music is being played, is the 2 step maneuver. This consists of moving from side to side while waving your arms in the air with the beat. Side Note: If Hip Hop music is being played, place one hand on your crotch and use your other arm to bounce up and down to the strong base lane, Gang signs are permitted at this time.
Practical Jokes
It's always appropriate to play practical jokes on members of your crew, or rival crews. Some common practical jokes are Dekegging/Depanting, Drawing on a persons face while they are passed out or putting a cone on that persons automobile.
Some people consider a few practical to go "too far" but again remember that overshooting gets way more respect than knuckling and don't be scared off by the naysayers. If you do however have a conscience then try to remember, a good practical joke is one that is still funny in the morning.
Scoring Correctly
Occasionally you may have a good night and take home someone of the opposite sex, or same sex (No Homo?). Pay particular attention to checking your beer goggle status, Ask a member of your crew to verify the hotness of your girl. However watch out for the practical joke here, someone may play one on you and let you go home with a girl which is below average.
At the end of a good night out, you should be able to empty your pockets with everything you went out with, wallet, phone and preferably not in a jail cell. Cash is also nice to come back with, but unless you visit a casino and have a really good night, expect to come back with very little.
Step 5 Deal with your hangover.
An unfortunate side effect of a night out drinking is an the inevitable hangover. If you have followed this guide correctly you will hopefully have gone big overshot, the landing and woken up feeling like death would be a better option than leaving your bed. This poses some problems if you have commitment this day such as work, or the girl you brought home. This is where you must perfect the "Call in Sick" phone call to your job, one of the best explainations is that you have food poisoning and cannot stop vomiting.
if you have really gone to far the night before, then your best option is to sleep it off. If you are able to move, then trying to find your nearest source of greasy, fatty foods is the next best thing. You may be tempted to ski, the mountain air, does seem refreshing however you are likely still under the influence of alcohol and this may lead to misjudgments of your ability in the terrain park. If you do brave the slopes, please be aware of the skiers below the chairlift while vomiting your drinks from the night before.
An experienced drinker may even be able to start drinking again however this may be the first scene of alcohol abuse.
