1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
2.
Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If
she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries.
This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.
3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.
4.
Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she
is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This
will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something,
suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for
her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
6.
Recognize the small things; they usually mean the most. Then when she's
sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is
for wussies and Asian ladies.
7. If you're talking to another
girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth
the words 'fuck you,' and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love
competition.
8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive
for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her
to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were
just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then
drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do
something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear
"...because I can."
9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11.
Warm her up when she's cold... but not by giving her your jacket,
because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say,
"If you don't stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to
be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.
12.
Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the
bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the
party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at
the party.
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she
has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why
shouldn't girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When
she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR!
Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important
things. Like basketball.
15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
16.
If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her
self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep
down desires to be.
17. Every time you're in her house steal one
of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in
pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.
18.
Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and
say "No, she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy
that speaks for her.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
20.
Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it.
But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking
about.
21. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.
22.
Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her material
objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she
keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can
ever get.
23. When she gives you a present on your birthday,
Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then
next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can
open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls
actually don't like this one that much, but I think it's funny.
24.
If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise
her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will
ensure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going
to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't
call.
*I cannot take credit for these, I found them and thought I'd share**
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