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Next time grab a baseball bat and nail the fucker in the head. Or just set up a snare on your deck, that should get him. We actually go coon hunting sometimes out here, its pretty much an unwritten rule to shoot them on site.
The highlight of this story though takes place on a Saturday morning. We were eating breakfast when we heard our dogs making quite a racquet in the vicinity of our garage. Upon further investigation our dogs had cornered an obviously rabid raccoon in our garage. We called the game warden for advice and although he seemed flabbergasted that we didn't have a gun, he eventually came to terms with the situation. He said "watcha gotta do rit ther is get cher neighbor, who do gots a gun, to shoot the danged old varmint an den clean da whole scene wid bleach." That neighbor was none other than Jay Bellanca. In his spare time he was either flying remote control airplanes, supping up tractors with nitros, or at his firing range, practicing. He was thrilled when he heard news of the situation and he was obviously the man for the job.
Approximately 30 minutes later I could see Jay marching up my driveway in camouflage hunting gear, as he drew closer I could see he was fully outfitted; he had on safety goggles, earplugs, two smudges of black just below the goggles, fingerless shooting gloves and yes a bullet vest with enough ammo to send any terrorist on a one way trip to Allah. He lined up the "coon" through his high-powered scope, and pulled the trigger.. .silence. Seems Jaybo forgot to unlock the safety. So he marched all the way back down to his house and reappeared a few minutes later. He once again kneeled down, lined up the shot and pulled the trigger. POW! Mind you now, the great hunter is less than 15' from his target. He shoots off the tail of the critter. Unshaken, Jay takes another shot. POW! He shoots the critter in the foot. Jay takes another shot at the limping, tailless raccoon and POW! He shoots its ear off. My dad although not typically swayed to show his compassion for the little critter. He is a true pragmatist and he told Jaybo he'll take care of it, grabs a shovel and smashes super-coon upside his head, putting the beast of a creature out of its misery.
At the restaurant where I work we get them in the dumpsters and then my boss sends us out to throw shit at them