Member of the Month

PartyBullshiit
March, 2024

Online

Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!

The best gaper quotes

profile picture
RICK_ROSS
Posts: 6983 - Karma: 3,342
somebody on the chairlift yesterday asked me what they did with the moguls at the end of the year?
i also gotten "what altitude do the dear turn to elk?"
Mar 10 2008 7:33PM
2709 528
profile picture
.lencon
Posts: 6753 - Karma: 17,178
john18061806I just thought it was really cute how people at school would talk to me about some of the olympic freeskiers.
friend: "I really liked the guy with the dreadlocks and falling down pants, who did you like?"
me: "Everyone killed it, but you can't go wrong with dollo."
friend: "who's dollo? was he the guy who saved the puppies?"


Out of curiosity? Who did save the puppies?
Jun 27 2014 12:44PM
4 4
profile picture
Jamieson1998
Posts: 33 - Karma: 1,892
In kitzbuhel in Austria on a chair lift
g: Where you from ? (strong german accent)
me: The uk
g:you cant ski in the uk, but youre really good
m: We ski in fridges and on dry slopes
g: Thats out ridiculous

I gave up
Jun 27 2014 12:47PM
2 5
profile picture
*DUMBCAN*
Posts: 2447 - Karma: 5,627
Quote from the comments on that Torstein vs Jossi video:

"my snowboarding instructor told me to french fry and i called him a retard"
Jun 27 2014 3:05PM
9 0
profile picture
xnickGT
Posts: 79 - Karma: 263
Brule.This happened to me yesterday at lovely Mount Jore while in the lift line for the triple chair.

*Myself and two of my friends get in line after the liftie checks out passes, and another group of 3 slide behind us and accidentally steps on our skis*


Man: "Whoa there, fancy skis."


*myself and my friends look back*


Man: "Do you do any flips and whilry-doos on those skis?"


Me: "I'm not really good at it, I just film a lot in the park."


*I turn toward two of my friends and start lol'ing*


Man: *turns to his maybe wife* "those are the guys that do those 360's and flippy-do's.


*myself and my friends sit down on the chair, then I proceed to lose it laughing*


You got trolled.
Jun 27 2014 3:13PM
0 1
profile picture
John18_6
Posts: 7313 - Karma: 49,158
Grizzly.ButtahOut of curiosity? Who did save the puppies?


Sarah Mclachlan
Jul 1 2014 2:39AM
9 0
profile picture
.lencon
Posts: 6753 - Karma: 17,178
john18061806Sarah Mclachlan


Wow. Didn't know she competed in ski comps these days
Jul 1 2014 12:45PM
1 2
profile picture
Julius_Steezer
Posts: 776 - Karma: 4,527
At Lake Louise last year, a guy was waiting in the singles line and got on with us (me and 2 mates on a quad) and a gaper dad starts having a go at him for pushing in. I tell him its a singles line and so the entire point is that the occupants of said line fills up single spots but this guy was still not a happy camper. By this point the lift gates have opened so I get on and just start laughing at how this gaper has not understood what may be the most simple concept on the entire mountain.
Jul 11 2014 5:47AM
0 0
profile picture
yungsteeze
Posts: 673 - Karma: 1,969
Can this thread please be obliterated
Jul 11 2014 11:16AM
1 5
profile picture
rballs_
Posts: 709 - Karma: 2,992
"I can ski double blue squares"

*does shifty*
"nice twister"
Jul 11 2014 4:21PM
2 1
profile picture
milk_man
Posts: 5214 - Karma: 6,494
Me: "Dad how do you spell yezzir?"

Dad: "Is that some sort of gang reference?"



xD
Jul 16 2014 4:50PM
1 7
profile picture
John18_6
Posts: 7313 - Karma: 49,158
Not really a gaper but more of a cool surprise.
My church hosts this ski trip every year and one of the skiers who I ski with most of the time is in their 50s and basically has that signature "I ski 3 days a year" look to them (properly fitted columbia jacket, solid color, 7+ years old). I'm chatting with him on the chairlift and he asks about what kind of tricks I like to do. So I am very honest about my Minnesotan habit of 95% rails 5 % jumps, give a mini-lecture on rail trickology:

Me: "Staple rail tricks for good rail skiers are the 4 "feds" (k-fed, b-fed, ray-fed, pretz-fed) which is where you do a 180 on the rail after sliding on it a.k.a. a change-up followed by a 270 spin out of the rail, the names correlate to the directions of both the spins."

Him: "Interesting... So have you seen those crazy guys who do the street skiing?? Some of those maniacs jump off roofs!"

Me: "URBAN. Yes, I participate as well."

Him: "You're crazy, you better be safe."

Me: "Don't sweat it. I try to be reasonable. It's my favorite type of skiing because it's like the back-country for a skier in Minneapolis; a lot of prep and danger for a short but well worth payoff- and that's the attraction of it."

Him: "I never thought about it like that, my son who skis Jackson almost everyday put it like that for the touring he likes to do around there."

Basically, I expect him to know nothing about freeskiing, but it turns out that his ski-bum son has exposed him to plenty of it. So then we continue on a deep and profound conversation on the applications/implications that being a skier can have on your life- a convo which would bore all of you to tears.
Jul 20 2014 12:32AM
2 0
profile picture
balzach
Posts: 241 - Karma: 2,616
''pee in her butt''
Jul 21 2014 6:56PM
1 4
profile picture
.FRY.
Posts: 5620 - Karma: 22,851
sees a cork 7*

"nice helicopter backflip!"
Jul 21 2014 10:19PM
1 1
profile picture
milliescott
Posts: 137 - Karma: 350
Steezasaurusgaper: are those tricky skis?
me: yes
gaper: so you can like do tricks and stuff?
me:...yes
gaper: so you can like do grinds and helicopter spins??
me:...........sure
gaper: so are you like spansorized and are in like the xgames with shaun white???
me:....no
gaper:....can you do a backflip??
me: no! you fucking gaper, why the fuck do you and all other peopl like you with your fuckin skiblades come in a park and proceed to create a cluster fuck of bitches and destroy all of our lips and jumps by going 3 miles over it and just going down it and cutting people off and make complete assholes of yourself. god fuckin dammit! alot of people can do backflips and do "helicopters" and grind, you along with the rest of your gaper parasite need to just d=stay out of the park and make everyone happy. fuck!
gaper: ( some high school rich kid) proceeds to get teary eyed


chill winston
Jul 24 2014 10:15AM
2 0
profile picture
blackbear
Posts: 1 - Karma: 10
Can you do black diamonds?
Jul 24 2014 11:44AM
1 1
profile picture
MichaelX99
Posts: 7 - Karma: 6
"where do you put the moguls in the summer?"
Jul 24 2014 12:32PM
1 2
profile picture
numnuts
Posts: 395 - Karma: 1,150
so me and my friends we do stuff like where we steal high fives from gapers and i stole a high five and at the end of the run the gaper comes up and says:

gaper: thanks for high five your really good and cool
me: uh thanks
gaper: so do you think i could learn a few things say you teach
me: um yeah sure (at this point my friends and I knew to screw around with him)
so were at the top of the mountain and the gaper says:
gaper: alright i'm ready, hey where you guys going
me: to the backside where there is the special cool park
gaper: oh ok that sounds sooo cool
so there are no lifts on the back and its great for powder days but you got to hike out and so we get to the bottom of the valley and the kid goes:
gaper: alright guys so where is it it looks like they took it out and we've all done this hike a million times so its nothing but for the kid he's nearly dead when we get to the top and so we ski through the normal park and he's too tired to do anything. Eventually we get to the bottom and he says:
gaper: where's the lodge (we were standing right in front of it)
me: behind us
gaper: that's not the lodge you cant sleep and stay there for a night
me: yeah um ok (kid hates me now and he goes to my school and i didn't know that till the next day)
Jul 24 2014 1:53PM
0 14
profile picture
John18_6
Posts: 7313 - Karma: 49,158
WaffleMasterthat's actually pretty fucking cool, if you think about it most NSers probably wouldn't even know that.


(referring to my post about gaper dad calling cork 7 a dinner roll)

I wouldn't have known it either if it weren't for an older ski instructor who told me about Johnny Moseley 2 years before I really got into freeskiing. Looked him up on youtube and started watching related videos until I found stuff like slumdog illionaire and so far so hood.
Jul 24 2014 2:10PM
2 0
profile picture
jonahpechenik
Posts: 1 - Karma: 21
When a gaper sees me do a tele turn and stops me to let me know my skis are broken
Jul 24 2014 2:58PM
11 0
profile picture
bladebum4life
Posts: 16 - Karma: 26
In the gondi with my friend to old gapers get in and one asked "wheres the pot bar?".
me: it doesnt work like that
he: thats why we came to colorado
me: -____-
Jul 24 2014 6:14PM
4 4
profile picture
onLINE
Posts: 1013 - Karma: 423
Gaper: eeahh bud you got an extra dart on yah.
Me: sure dude
Gaper: olly fack she's a Belmont to thanks, you on those cool skis in that jump park eh
Me: yah it's good times
Gaper: I like hockey
Me: Cool man enjoy your day
Jul 24 2014 6:43PM
5 1
profile picture
Donketts
Posts: 261 - Karma: 173
Some gaper said to me 'you should wear a jumpsuit they are comfy.' It was an old fool couldn't cuss at him lol
Jul 25 2014 1:44AM
0 0
profile picture
skier58284
Posts: 1705 - Karma: 5,365
bladebum4lifeIn the gondi with my friend to old gapers get in and one asked "wheres the pot bar?".
me: it doesnt work like that
he: thats why we came to colorado
me: -____-


What's a gondi?
Jul 25 2014 1:56AM
2 5
profile picture
J-C
Posts: 1138 - Karma: 3,683
Arrive at the top of the park and scream that i am the best skier on the mountain
Gaper turns around and tells me to shut up and says that i am a pretentious idiot. He then says that my 4frnt skis
are shit even though I ride k2 shreditor. I just left because arguing with him was going to be pointless
Jul 25 2014 11:35AM
9 2
profile picture
gapermcpoles
Posts: 7 - Karma: 17
Saw mountain photog on the lip, had to do something, grabbed tips. Image gets posted on mountain's facebook. Silly comments.


Jul 25 2014 3:42PM
0 0
profile picture
gapermcpoles
Posts: 7 - Karma: 17
And I fail at posting images. Andd I can't find the delete button on my last comment. Eh.

Jul 25 2014 3:44PM
5 0
profile picture
Espen519
Posts: 552 - Karma: 969
Sh4dowWhat's a gondi?


A gondola you nerd
Jul 25 2014 8:06PM
6 8
profile picture
skier58284
Posts: 1705 - Karma: 5,365
Espen519A gondola you nerd


>not getting the joke
Jul 25 2014 8:41PM
4 2
profile picture
Protest
Posts: 37 - Karma: 253
Not all quotes.

I was going singles because me and my friends wanted to get to the park faster. I was on with this guy who was probably about 35 or 40. For some reason he's wearing a classic flamboyant gaper suit.Maybe he thought it was cool? I don't know.He asked me if I bent my tails up myself.

A different time, I was on the lift with some little kid. Probably about 13 or 14. The lift is beside the park and I'm trying to plan my line when we see a guy do a pretty steezy switch 7 mute. The kid says "Shhhiiit that guy's good. He's probably gonna be the best one day like Thall."
My parents raised me to be a polite person and it took every fibre of my being to not contradict or outright laugh at the gaper.

Was seshing a rail with a couple of friends. It was a pretty nice flatbar but was a little high and definitely not a beginner rail. We see some gaper teenage girls, probably around 16 come up and cut us off, trying to hit the rail. Gaper girl 1 proceeds not to pop and trips over the rail and nearly double ejects. She landed in the position but only lost one ski. Gaper girl 2, still attempts the rail and ends up missing and her tails land on it. Proceeds to eat shit. I just laughed and said "Karma's a bitch gapers."

I was trying to learn Sw 27s on and was practicing on a very wide flat box for my first couple of times. It was one of those beginner boxes that are around a meter wide. So its my first attempt and obviously I eat complete shit. I can 27 on but Sw was definitely... an expierience the first few times. Anyway, I was getting the rotation alright but i lazy legged and caught the side of the box halfway through the spin or something. Anyway I got up and laughed it off. There were these gaper girls that were behind me waiting to the hit the box. They were laughing and insulting me. Girl gaper 1 proceeds to 50 50 the box, number 2 proceeds to 90 on and can't 90 out. Eats shit. Girl gaper 3 manages to 90 on and out. I skiied ahead and 27d on and off a flatbar and turned around and watched them all gape at me. True gapers right there.

Anyway these are some of my stories with gapers.
Jul 25 2014 9:47PM
1 14
profile picture
Lurkerlou
Posts: 43 - Karma: 43
So I was snowboarding with my friend (I do both) and I saw this instructor with a rome hammerhead it's an urban board that has a nose and tail like a hosoi hammerhead board it's really short and has a flex of 1 and I say
"Hey nice hammerhead board"
Him: " oh thanks
Gaper friend; "why are the tips like that"
Him: "so it can float in the pow
Me: *walks away and facepalms*
Nov 6 2014 7:11PM
2 2
profile picture
losh
Posts: 1126 - Karma: 4,691
BootySpunk.lol when i bought my first pair of twin tips the store clerk showed me the T-Halls and said "these are the t-hall model, you know who he is right?" and i had no fucking idea

theres my story of being a gaper oh how far ive come


this is actually inspirational
Nov 6 2014 10:59PM
4 0
profile picture
*DUMBCAN*
Posts: 2447 - Karma: 5,627
This thread is the most newschoolers thing ever: about five jokes repeated endlessly with different wording for 92 pages. Worth it for the odd gem, like that tech nerd/Seth Morrison story a while back.
Nov 7 2014 8:06AM
2 3
profile picture
gnarballsianm
Posts: 621 - Karma: 703
Doing cossacks last season during spring skiing, hear this guy in the lift line, "That was the craziest whirlybird I have ever seen!"
Nov 7 2014 12:00PM
1 0
profile picture
Matt5838
Posts: 321 - Karma: 335
Can you flip?
Nov 7 2014 1:23PM
1 0
profile picture
Fluttershy
Posts: 586 - Karma: 763
Sh4dow>not getting the joke

>blacktexting
Nov 7 2014 4:14PM
0 0
profile picture
skebumw
Posts: 190 - Karma: 444
damn some of you are harsh, gapers bug me as much as the next guy but damn cut em some slack they just trying to have as much fun as anybody else.
Nov 7 2014 4:32PM
13 0
profile picture
Kygz.
Posts: 129 - Karma: 89
Dang, this thread is 4 years old and still going strong


I was on my way to the jump, and this ladygaper in a full 90's suit is skiing across right in front of me..

I had a decent amount of speed, so i had two choices: turn left, and straight into the woods, or keep going straight ahead.
I chose the last one.

I pretty much skied over her front tips..

SO, even though she was the one skiing straight across in front of me, not paying attention at all, she screamed after me
"WATCH OUT YOU IDIOT, YOU ALMOST KILLED ME"
Nov 9 2014 7:33PM
1 1
profile picture
.Rybak.
Posts: 9017 - Karma: 9,864
Dope.FlavahDang, this thread is 4 years old and still going strong


I was on my way to the jump, and this ladygaper in a full 90's suit is skiing across right in front of me..

I had a decent amount of speed, so i had two choices: turn left, and straight into the woods, or keep going straight ahead.
I chose the last one.

I pretty much skied over her front tips..

SO, even though she was the one skiing straight across in front of me, not paying attention at all, she screamed after me
"WATCH OUT YOU IDIOT, YOU ALMOST KILLED ME"


The person in front has the right of way. Unless you mean she was traversing in the park.
Nov 9 2014 7:35PM
11 0
profile picture
theabortionator
Posts: 51249 - Karma: 157,138
ECGovegaper: i like your skis
me: thanks
gaper: is it hard to go backwards?
me: you get used to it
gaper: so are you guys allowed in the snowboard terrain park?
me: uh...yeah
gaper: when did they open it to skiers?
me: skiers could always go in it
gaper: (proceeded to tell a ten minute story about skis during the 1950's, i wont tell it here due to extreme boringness)


In the mid 90s a lot of places were snowboard only. Nothing like having assclown ski patrol on snowmobiles chase you down to bitch at a kid for trying to get rad in the stunt ditch.

Cool starrry bra

Just figured since this thread was bumped again
Nov 9 2014 7:58PM
4 1
profile picture
sbarlett
Posts: 882 - Karma: 4,255
One time I got on the lift with this kid, (he was rocking Beats headphones, and a puma hoodie) He pulls an IPAD out of his backpack and starts going through his music. He looks over at me laughing and goes "What bro, you don't like Eminem?"
Nov 9 2014 8:25PM
29 0
profile picture
theabortionator
Posts: 51249 - Karma: 157,138
.ttelrab.One time I got on the lift with this kid, (he was rocking Beats headphones, and a puma hoodie) He pulls an IPAD out of his backpack and starts going through his music. He looks over at me laughing and goes "What bro, you don't like Eminem?"


Kind of sounds like the man
Nov 9 2014 8:54PM
12 0
profile picture
willifast
Posts: 248 - Karma: 299
Sh4dowWhat's a gondi?


Nov 9 2014 9:57PM
18 0
profile picture
Yaraelpoof.png
Posts: 1556 - Karma: 6,417
john18061806"I don't understand all the hate for Shaun White, he represents snowboarding better than anybody else, anyone who hates him is dumb and a hipster." - snowboarder in neff


then i'm a dumb hipster
Nov 9 2014 11:02PM
5 0
profile picture
yomommmmmmm
Posts: 15 - Karma: 29
gaper: are you good?
me: idk average for around here i guess
gaper : are you sponsered?
(when ever i get asked this question from stupid gapers i just fuck with them)
me: yea im sponsered by redbull, monster, rockstar, line, armada, atomic and saga
gaper: woah thats a lot of sponsers, do u go to x games
me: flight leaves tomorrow for xgames so i can get gold medal for the third time
gaper: can i have your autograph
me: no
Nov 9 2014 11:03PM
21 2
profile picture
_salty_
Posts: 672 - Karma: 1,034
One of my friends who claims to ski a lot and is good at it sees my boots and is like you only have 3 buckles mine have 4 mine are better (I have dalbellos). Also one of my friends who always brags about going to Colorado a few times a year said "I don't get powder why would any one want to ski in that".
Nov 24 2014 10:42AM
0 0
profile picture
J.M
Posts: 2854 - Karma: 254
Meedsnot really a gaper, just an old dude who skis like 100 days a season for the past 50 years told me on a powder day that "wide skis are for pussies"


He was calling you out
Nov 24 2014 4:27PM
26 0
profile picture
JGWI
Posts: 2842 - Karma: 7,812
Listened to some guy rave about insanely steep lines he snowboarded in AK. I then watched him faceplant trying to get on the lift.
Nov 24 2014 4:41PM
5 0
profile picture
ThundaKilla
Posts: 2859 - Karma: 3,733
carter-gibbonsgaper: are you good?
me: idk average for around here i guess
gaper : are you sponsered?
(when ever i get asked this question from stupid gapers i just fuck with them)
me: yea im sponsered by redbull, monster, rockstar, line, armada, atomic and saga
gaper: woah thats a lot of sponsers, do u go to x games
me: flight leaves tomorrow for xgames so i can get gold medal for the third time
gaper: can i have your autograph
me: no


You stole my icon you fuck
Nov 24 2014 5:34PM
7 0
profile picture
gabe147
Posts: 4 - Karma: 20
reverendwrongme: you lose talking privliges shut the hell up


Best quote in the entire thread
Jan 13 2016 12:23PM
9 0
profile picture
tris10radeka
Posts: 267 - Karma: 665
I've heard all of this before: "Can you do backflips?" . "why are you in the terrain park? It's only for snowboarders". "Can you do somersaults?" and my personal favorite: "Can you do helicopters?"

also: A kid at my school started talking to me about how he was so Into "trick skiing". I asked him to name one pro slopestyle skier and he said: "no I'm talking about trick skiing."
I said that's what "trick skiing" is (other than pipe etc.). Then he said "Oh I know a bunch." I said name one and he said "tony hawk right?"
Jan 13 2016 12:59PM
7 1
All times are Eastern (-4)