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March, 2024

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The best gaper quotes

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RICK_ROSS
Posts: 6983 - Karma: 3,342
somebody on the chairlift yesterday asked me what they did with the moguls at the end of the year?
i also gotten "what altitude do the dear turn to elk?"
Mar 10 2008 7:33PM
2709 528
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Microcosm
Posts: 4765 - Karma: 153
that's not the stupid part.. I think it's pretty smart to wear one, but everyone is entitled to do what they want.. I was laughing because he was like oooh, I'm so goood, why would I need one?!! and he's definitely not.
Mar 24 2008 10:00AM
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kbrando
Posts: 1206 - Karma: 889
got this one the other day from a girl on the lift
girl-hey what do you attach to the bottom of your skis to kepp you on those pipes?
me-i think you mean rails and nothing we just balance.
girl-are you lying to me?
me- umm no look at the bottom of my skis and you will see there is nothing there
girl- looks at my skis and goes wow im really surprised thats kinda cool
Mar 24 2008 10:37AM
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teleTay
Posts: 2320 - Karma: 186
that ones way funny
Mar 24 2008 11:51AM
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OpIvy
Posts: 741 - Karma: 9
So my friend and I are on the lift with this Father/Son Gaper duo.
Here is a sampling of his finest quotes.

Father: "Woah, that guy just did a 420.  Thats what you call it, right?
               A full circle with a 180.  Thats 360 plus 180.  So its a 540!"

After spotting a group of Asians.
Father:  "Do not go up to them and yell BONSAI !!  Thats politically wrong.
Son:  "Why is that dad?"
Father:  "Its like calling a black guy n*gger.  After what we did to them,
    bombed them and all that, you just can't say it anymore.  You can
    say it about them, just not to their face."

After getting off the lift he leads his son down the park and does the most
spastic back scratchers and spread eagles.
"Follow me, Follow me.  Over this jump, spread eagles TOGETHER!!!"

We were trying to hold it in the whole time.  The guy was a riot.
Mar 24 2008 12:50PM
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notime_for_jokes
Posts: 554 - Karma: 11
i was skiing with my buddy and his crew the other day, and  2 guys were talking about going to Coc. some old guy butts in and asks " where is that " they said, its a camp at whistler in summer.
so he says ohh so do you have to put wheels on the bottom of your skiis
Mar 24 2008 6:29PM
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tBatt
Posts: 9632 - Karma: 580
"helicopters"
Mar 24 2008 7:34PM
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word-sauce
Posts: 1151 - Karma: 11
i was on the lift singing "ghetto gospel" and this old guy looks at me and says :
               him:dont quit your day job
               me:ya im just messin around
               him:(looks at my twins) your skis look like womans skis
Mar 24 2008 7:49PM
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bangarangmules
Posts: 5065 - Karma: 84
hahahahaha
Mar 24 2008 7:53PM
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Barefootin_Fiend
Posts: 7618 - Karma: 4,727

worthless piece of info for ya...

360s are actually called helicopters (generally abbreviated to heli(s)) in freestyle waterski jumping...(like the shit you see at sea world, etc) but 7s are still called 7s......so that's why you might hear the term "helicopter" on the mountain.

Mar 24 2008 8:03PM
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NicoChile
Posts: 690 - Karma: 199
it's not a quote but i just find really funny how gapers hold their skis.... like they don't have the ability to hold them toghether or something.
Mar 24 2008 8:04PM
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tBatt
Posts: 9632 - Karma: 580
how many 50 year old gapers do you think do 3's on waterskis..
Mar 24 2008 8:13PM
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Mr.LemonPie
Posts: 4100 - Karma: 1,625
And maybe because that is what people use to call them back when bump skiers were the only people doing tricks...like in the 70s, that is why old people say helicocpters.
Mar 24 2008 10:07PM
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AbeFroman
Posts: 1268 - Karma: -4
me:do you love to ski backwards?
gaper"duh...thats why i have twin tips!





gaper:do you like to do rail slides in the jump park?

me:ya

gaper: wait you guys can go in there? i thought that was only for snowboarders
 
me: wow
Mar 24 2008 10:31PM
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SteevJee
Posts: 1916 - Karma: 144
board parks RULE!!!
Mar 24 2008 10:42PM
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Barefootin_Fiend
Posts: 7618 - Karma: 4,727
ha ha well i personally know 8  50+ yr old dudes but Im sure there are a lot more throughout the show skiing community.  some of these old dudes throw down pretty hard...
Mar 25 2008 9:33AM
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DANETRON
Posts: 6671 - Karma: 137
I got in the gondi one day with a snowrake in my hand. One of the gapers in there asked me "How does that thing work? Do you stand on it and ride it down?"
Mar 25 2008 1:23PM
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gab_mori7
Posts: 1099 - Karma: 55
at my aunt's for easter
my parents tell my familly I have a comp
I won't tell the whole thing because I cant remember but still
try to explain your grandparents what is a slopestyle!
Mar 25 2008 1:57PM
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wev-skis
Posts: 564 - Karma: 10

I overheard a kid on the lift talking about glades and he was wondering how they were made.  His friend says that they were made by animals running through the woods.

Mar 25 2008 3:18PM
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Barf.
Posts: 1188 - Karma: 123
Whirlybirds!!!!!
Mar 25 2008 3:36PM
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afton_steeze
Posts: 1765 - Karma: 92
hahahahahahahaaaaa
Mar 25 2008 4:58PM
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fdsa
Posts: 686 - Karma: 19
Gapers in lift line ahead of me:

Guy 1:
"I don't think it is safe for me to be going on this run."
His "experienced" friend
"Don't worry. The faster you go, the easier it is to turn."


Standing in line wearing my bad lieutenant:

Gaper mom with her kid:
"Is that a german army helmet?"
Me:
"No, it is modeled after US military helmets."
Gaper mom:
"Do you support the Nazi's?"
Me:
"Only when I am skiing backwards."

Mar 25 2008 5:41PM
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tBatt
Posts: 9632 - Karma: 580
i stand corrected.
Mar 25 2008 8:21PM
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steezeeepolizeee
Posts: 8756 - Karma: 796
Lady: Its really warm up here today it must be like 7 degress C
Me: (look at my thermometer on my jacket) nope its actualy negative 5 thats why its snowing and not raining
Lady: Well your thermometer must be wrong, and where i come from we can get snow at +7
Me: Do you call it rainpow?
Lady: No we call it champagne powder
Me: Shake my head for the rest of the trip....
Mar 25 2008 8:50PM
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asapCferg
Posts: 3057 - Karma: 357
hahahah gapers ask what twip tips are wayy too much
i <3 gaperssssszz
Mar 25 2008 9:10PM
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Lemuel
Posts: 14477 - Karma: 10,515
i got the good old " dont break your skis" from a ski patrol. i just laughed
Mar 25 2008 9:21PM
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Piste.Off
Posts: 11586 - Karma: 1,861
today on the lift

gaper: how many summer saults can you do off the big bumps?
me: 40
gaper: impressive
Mar 25 2008 9:24PM
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Dukeybrains
Posts: 1030 - Karma: 11
I was checking out a pair of pontoons earlier this season and a guy next to me was like

so you strap both feet into that huh

no you don't

yeah, it's like waterskiing

no it isnt

hmm

really

no
Mar 25 2008 10:28PM
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Nikula
Posts: 183 - Karma: 3,277
i ride the dumonts, and every week now it seems like some fuckin wanker will go up the chair with me and be like.....
gaper " wow, why do you have two different skis on?"
me " I dont. they are the same"
i show them that they are the same tip of one ski and tail of the other..

or still about my skis
gaper" did you put your bindings backwards on that one ski to make them different"

gaper "do you do those metal sliders"?

or especially, this one drives me fucki insane

gaper "how fast do you go for that bottom jump"?
me " what"?
gaper "yea i can do the first jump but then how much speed do you need?"
me " what the fuck am i supposed to tell you, should i give you a number or like say when you pass the fifth tree and then the sixth tree exactly .7 seconds later, you are going to slow.."
fuck what the hell do i say to that?


fuck i hate gapers,
Mar 25 2008 10:44PM
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Nikula
Posts: 183 - Karma: 3,277
o fuck and the best of all,
nancy green the olypmic ski racing champion from like 50 years ago skis at our hill and is the director of skiing.. she is the biggest bitch , a fuckin drunk whore.. and she always skis around with tourists being a really useless piece of work...

and i work at the park at our hilll and she comes in all the time at the end of the day with all her gaper tourist cult followers.
nancy" wow you just doing such a great job in here guys so its great, i just love the park this year"
me" umm thanks"
nancy" (talking to her gaper buddies) we would hit these jumps but as you can see they are closing them and we dont have our helmets on"
me"( in my head am like, yea fuck it nancy send it i will keep it open for an olympic champion)"

or during a big snowboard contest
the announcer for the contest says
" o and i big 900 out of so and so"
and nancy rolls up and says " was that a 900!!!!!"
me " fuck"

or like " we should just stop building terrains parks here and build a snowboard and skier crosss. those will bring in more money cuz we can have races and stuff and then we can have a skier and boardercross program integrated into my nancy green race program"

FUCK YOU NANCY
Mar 25 2008 10:52PM
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chicken
Posts: 6843 - Karma: 2,122
a kid at my school is apparently a really good snowboarder. his binder says "jib lyfe" and "shred" and hes all decked out in like DC stuff.

well for the first 2 years of highschool he was never spotted on the hill. then one day my friend was at at rail jam and saw him there. the next day he was in class and my friend mentioned that he saw him at the ski hill. so i talked to him

me-"hey dude, curtis said he saw you at the rail jam"
him-"yeah its pretty epic right now, why werent you there?"
me"i was at sunshine for opening day, so how did you do?"
him-"oh i couldnt go into it they said it was full, so i just hit the jumps"
me-"uh cop doesn't have any jumps right now only a couple rails"
him- no they built a hip, i was just dicking around with some 180's and spins and a couple front flips, just steezin"
me-"cool...."

well he put his facebook status to "steezin on the hip" and talked about getting sponsers and stuff i guess it turned out that he was hitting the side of the wallride to flat, and doing sketch straight airs like 3 feet off the ground.

i called him out on it and now he says he quit snowboarding and stuff, its good though cause i dont have to talk about gear with him anymore.

wow i just typed like a novel on this

Mar 25 2008 11:04PM
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[tightpants]
Posts: 1529 - Karma: 17
I got down to the bottom of the park at whitefish, MT, and this gaper stopped me

Gaper: Excuse me!
Me: Yes?
Gaper: I was up in that superbowl with my brother and we got separated. Y'all seen him? Have Y'all seen a skier with a blue jacket?

I just skied away.
Mar 25 2008 11:25PM
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WillStart
Posts: 3955 - Karma: 3,192
Park City over x-mas:

kid throws a pretty steezy 7 over the last jump in pick n shovel, and from the chairlift i hear 'DOUBLE HELICOPTER!!'

yeah yeah i know helicopter is a word for 360 so it makes sense but still a little funny
Mar 26 2008 1:04AM
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Kazabazua
Posts: 3529 - Karma: 1,128

I will laugh when you get put in a coma for a month... no  i wont.. but you should still wear a helmet when doing things where you could fuck up your head badly.

just saying this cause i was skiing with this guy in austria who was really sick (switch cork 9 true nose over 70 footer) and on one hit he just kind of caught his edge and whip lashed his head against the ground, knocked out cold, coma, had to be airlifted off the mountain. i know skiing without a helmet looks cooler but it really does save your head. anywho not tryin to preach, do whatever you want, but after that happened i always wear one when i go in park now.

Mar 26 2008 2:46PM
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brenker
Posts: 3188 - Karma: 71
on the lift with a snowboard kid at sunapee like a week ago, he had some dope crowbars that has "eastern" or something on em, which started the conversation

me: hey, i like your crowbars, man
kid: thanks, i got em for free, im sponsored by eastern boarder
me: hey thats cool
kid: so are you good at skiing?
me: im not bad, not the best tho
kid: can you do a back flip?
me: (wow its about he asked that), nah dude i cant
kid: o, that sucks.

later i saw him try to 5050 a down rail and fell on his ass after going less than a foot
but hey at least he gets his shit for free
Mar 26 2008 3:52PM
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MistaFab
Posts: 1277 - Karma: 10
my little brother was a huge gaper and we took him to go shredding, we went to the park and he said "can you teach me how to get air", he was 13 at the time
Mar 26 2008 6:06PM
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asapCferg
Posts: 3057 - Karma: 357
Click for larger image


hahhhahha
Mar 26 2008 6:08PM
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Mooose...
Posts: 1807 - Karma: 77
^ classic sunday river  steeze
Mar 26 2008 6:11PM
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asapCferg
Posts: 3057 - Karma: 357
oh yeah you should see him in person. gaper to the extreeeeme soo good
Mar 26 2008 6:16PM
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brenker
Posts: 3188 - Karma: 71
wooo my rental poles have yellow baskets jea jea
Mar 26 2008 6:32PM
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asapCferg
Posts: 3057 - Karma: 357
hell yehhhh i shred hardcore in my tight gray onepiece!
Mar 26 2008 6:35PM
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CHEEZ--IT
Posts: 110 - Karma: 20
i went off like a 5 foot table, did a pencil 3 then a gaper came up to me and asked if i was shaun white
Mar 26 2008 6:59PM
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joelle+cowbell
Posts: 296 - Karma: 38
hahahaa this brings the lols
at least you guys dealt with passive gapers

i call drop and out of nowhere this gaper gremlin comes speeding down and snakes me.
i am pretty pissed so when i see him at the top of the pipe i scream Paaarrlk Ettiquette!!!
then he turns around and starts is like FUCK YOU and starts cussing.
so of course i chased him down and slashed him on the next run. ha!!!
Mar 26 2008 7:47PM
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S-Titterington
Posts: 578 - Karma: 1,323

man! i went to turn on the powder but i turned in it! hahahaha it made my day.

and the obvious backflip question...

today, i got a "yo bro this guys skiing backwards!"

and always get old people stopping, and watching me ski switch in complete amazement.

Mar 26 2008 8:51PM
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RICK_ROSS
Posts: 6983 - Karma: 3,342
check out that tail press!!!!
Mar 26 2008 10:28PM
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BIG_SALTY
Posts: 574 - Karma: 34
Gaper: Phat air man

or

or they ask you how much speed you need for the jump and they go off the side
Mar 26 2008 10:38PM
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SEABURN
Posts: 4859 - Karma: 2,751
I was up with a buddy of mine who is a gaper ( he's new ) he said when you grab the front of the ski (truckdriver) it looked like a sex position.

I just said he was gay and pushed him over.


Mar 26 2008 11:33PM
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skiP.E.I.
Posts: 7603 - Karma: 20,086
haha I recognize that rail. I did the exact same thing off the take off when I was there on Xmas break. It's not me in the pic though, I'm not that steezy.
Mar 26 2008 11:54PM
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g.muelheims
Posts: 457 - Karma: 110
Hah i get so many wierd looks skiing my hellbents.  One time this guy i was riding the lift with was looking at my hellbents and he's like

gaper: those are some pretty wide skis
me: ya theyre powder skis
gaper: o ya thats cool
me:...
gaper: so did you like bend those or something? (referring to the rocker on my skis)
me: proceeded to just stare at him

Another one that we got was at our local mountain and this snowboarder was like

gaper: wow, thats they best skier i've ever seen

my friend had come off early on the flat down bar they had setup

thats all i've got but keep em coming
Mar 27 2008 12:12AM
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ATLskier
Posts: 8203 - Karma: 406
Gapers have invaded other message boards too
check it
http://skinc.com/messageboard/viewtopic.php?t=11650&sid=1ff2de67dcd215eaf2df4fb1f3ac2d01
Mar 27 2008 1:39AM
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josh.
Posts: 3469 - Karma: 42
bwhahahahaha
Mar 27 2008 1:42AM
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