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Comment on these lyrics please, give input
Posts: 11149
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Karma: 1,415
I got a show in february and I need to finish these up, help edit the first page please!!!
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Yeah people just listen to the track sound
Before your life simply fades into the background
It’s a complex world that we’re living in
Hypocrisy lives in the souls of our bretheren
Bumping sex tones with the newest MC
The youth steal it all from the industry
The sense of hearing might love the problem so does the dough but
It pinpoints us with blame straight head to toe
Breaking the law every day, 20,000 seconds spent instead of dollars…well hey
What’s up with that? You guys think we’re whack
well I suggest that you all just listen to the track sound
the baloney, especially the minority of all the artists
is a contention to hone thee to blow up and be catalysts
Mind expanding to create a new song
The Lord above need not tell me what’s wrong
With the next generation that will take over in a bit
They’re all on crack, weed, or whatever drug’s in your shit
Why are we so dumb, God? give us the answer to the question
Our solution should already be in progression
Well it’s up to us to save the world
From all the little bad boys and girls
Who keep clicking away…from day to day
Stealing from the artists in the easiest way
But what they don’t get is the fact that the government
Can track them down and I believe that they’re loving it
No problem for me, I’m just another MC
I don’t steal from other artists just the ones like Lil Weezy
And Jeezy and Sleazy or whatever’s off the heezy
I can’t keep up with the contenders in this rap game, I’m easy (funny joke!)
But not so easy to comprehend, I’d take a record label but not from them
Because I’m a gem, a well rounded teen stretched to the brim
Event horizon coming up, it’s called the winter season
I shine in the snow sliding on two planks
Keep it fly on the slopes and in the ranks called school
It makes me drool…some classes are nice but the boring ones make me want to smoke some ice
And I don’t do drugs, I even quit weed
Adrenaline gives me the high that I need
I’m an addict, addicted to my life, a sick sensation of love, lust, grief, and strife
I really hated that time when we had no cash
My dad got the promotion and my past turned to ash
206 area code, dial it in
Wicked lifestyle combined with a little sin
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Posts: 1954
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Posts: 10905
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why would you want to do that in front of people. they were ok but why?
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i thought they were good..
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Depressing song = no good for shows.
Posts: 11149
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because I love music and expressing my views.
does anyone have any input on how to make it BETTER.
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You're going to have to have one hell of a beat to make that all flow right, but if you do, that shit's pretty good.
Posts: 479
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ok ltrics but the beat will make it or break it
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Change up your rhyme patterns, if your whole song is AA/BB/CC then it will sound repetitive and redundant. And avoid rhymes like "world/girl" and "way/day". Use more metaphors, add some more creativity. I don't mean to sound too critical, but IMHO the lyrics are simple and uninspiring.
Posts: 11149
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Karma: 1,415
yep this is what I was looking for and if you look it isn't all AA/BB/CC, it's changed up. This is the first page, the whole thing is going to be 5 minutes long or so, so I have a while to go.
thanks again.
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Get an audio clip of you doing it, that way we can see what kinda beat it is and how it flows. I think the lyrics are alright though.
Posts: 11149
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I never record w/out a beat, so I'll throw one together later today or tomorrow. But thanks for the input, I got it so that it'll work.
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yeah i like the lyrics, but from what i can imagine it is going to sound very repetitive with the rhyming pattern so similar all the way through- true you have changed it a little but i think its going to need more than that to make it a very good track. so far i think it will sound like one of my friends freestyles, which is impressive but only when its freestyle. so good luck, i think its only really the rhyming pattern that needs changing, although of course thats impossible to do without changing a large amount of the track.
Posts: 11149
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what would be an example of another rhyming pattern, ABAB CDCD? I think that sounds terrible in raps...what's an example of an interesting rhyme scheme?
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aight yo you gots to listen up
you a beat bitch cuz u watch 2 girls 1 cup
yeah thats right i said it, this is how real niggas roll
im not a druggy like you so go smoke another bowl
im more into spitin whats on my mind
im not mainstream, havnt even gotten signed,
man fuck that shit, im a mono rapper i dont need a label
if you got beef with me just lay it on the table,
dont talk shit behind my back, say it to my face
you make the rap industry look bad, you a fuckin disgrace
i dont pop bottles instead i drop a beat
some day ill be at the top, and ull be kissin my feet
idk that was pretty bad, more a battle use
NS RAPPERS REPRUHSENT
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i don't like the part that mentions you smoking ice. i'd like to hear it it looks like it'd sound pretty damn good.
Posts: 4058
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oh i though u said post some lyrics
my bad
Posts: 11149
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Karma: 1,415
That was the first thing I took out while editing, I didn't like it either. i've never smoked ice, never will.
Yeah people just listen to the track sound
Before your life simply fades into the background
It’s a complex world that we’re living in
Hypocrisy lives in the souls of our bretheren
Bumping sex tones with the newest MC
The youth steal it all from the industry
Ears might love the problem so might the dough but
It pinpoints us with blame straight head to toe
What’s up with that? You guys think we’re whack
Well I suggest that you all just listen to the track sound
It’s all baloney, why is music a minority
In the industry that takes up economy majority
Mind expands to create a new song
The Lord above needs to tell me what’s wrong
We’re the next generation that will take over in a bit
Poppin pills, railing coke, or whatever drug’s in your shit
You there, God? Please answer my questions
Our solution should already be in progression
No problem for me, I’m just an MC
I don’t steal from other artists just the ones like Lil Weezy
And Jeezy and Sleazy or whatever’s off the heezy
I’m just another player of the game; I’m easy (funny joke!)
But not easy to comprehend because I’m a gem
a well rounded teen stretched to the brim
I’m an addict; yeah I’m addicted to my life, a sick sensation of love, lust, grief, and strife
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Yeah people, just listen to the track sound
Before your life simply fades into the background
We’re just another brick in the trick called Earth
No one appreciates how much life is worth
Yeah people, just listen to the track sound
NGP spits fire like a shotgun round
Don’t throw your head to the ground or be all wound
Just listen to the track and let your brain be spellbound
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Posts: 6433
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Karma: 11,458
I'd help you out but rap is one of those things that i have to hear it with the beat to know if it sounds good becasue i've seen some pretty shitty looking lines sound great under beat and vice versa.
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Karma: 71
id have to hear it in a beat
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