kinda wierd, but here goes, heres mine:
well, if you call, I am going to talk about these things, but I want to get them out just in case I miss you, or lose the headspace...
Im not confused about why things are as they are.
In a way, I should thank you for putting me back in touch with those feelings I hadn't felt in so long.
Now I realize why I was protecting myself. (I am trying hard to avoid the cliche, as I know none of this is new material to you.)
It took a lot of mental work to get to where I am, and I am proud of myself, but I am still vulnerable.
Imagining you with another guy hurts me.. still. You sharing feelings with another guy makes me sad that it's not me youre sharing with... but I can cope with it. Imagining you sleeping with another guy .. that hurts the most. I can't really handle it..
or explain it...
epecially right now over x'mas... the time I was hoping to spend with you... it especially hurts now.
You've had someone to focus on, to put your energy towards, so I understand the disconnect from me... but I was and still am putting my energy into you.... so it's far from easy to shift my focus..I feel foolish for not shifting my focus earlier....but it is shifting now (is that good or bad news to you? how does it make you feel?).... I am strong.
I have girls around me, who like me, who I like... It wouldnt be hard for me to pursue any of these... although they will face the same distance issues, eventually.. even the ones in Kamloops. Im not broken. thats the good news.
I am still here, and as of right now, I would take you back.... although I don't think thats what you'll choose.
I also don't put many eggs in the imaginary distant future basket when we cross paths again....
if you said no to sex with ..him.. just once, it would make me fell better. silly isnt it..
im wasting my time.
happy new year......