Well, today I had a trip to the Met for latin. Of course I was all excited cause hell, its a field trip and who doesnt love those? Anywho it started out alright except that I wanted to hit my teacher cause he thought I didnt know who to take the train when I take it everyday. When we got there things went kinda slow because we got there early. As the day went on and I saw more and more things, it started to get very boring, so some friends and I decided to make it interesting.
As many of you know, museums have everything in glass cases so you can look but not touch. We decided that every object that the teacher was talking about, we would crowd around the case so no one could see it. That got funny but died sorta fast. So then we decided to make it even better. It started out as one of my friends just stopping at an exhibit and they told a complete stupid bullshit story as to what it is. An example to this would be that there were small sculptures in a case and one of my friends would say this is the first action figure and it actually has a button on the back that made the hand come down in a chopping action. Well these fake history's progressively more and more complex and some actually started to sound legit. At one point we actually had a family comming over and listening to us thinking it was the real history of the thing and they were listening so intently. We ended up bursting out in laughter and it gave it away. They found the humor though and laughed too. Here is some of the stuff said:
Gathering around a Roman bathtub:
"Well you see this big basin here was actually used for when the Romans threw parties. Within this bathtub they actually brewed huge amounts of chili."
Describing the carvings on a sarcophagus:
"You see here, not many people know what these mean. Some professors believe that these two men here symbolize their homosexual relationship between themselfs. One of the most baffling things about this though is the crab. Now no one knows exactly why the crab is holding chopsticks, but it is said to be because it symbolizes this man giving the other crabs as a gift for the roman holiday."
In front of relatively big statue (the one where we got the family to listen in):
"Now this actually is a life size sculpture of the third emperor of rome Mosiden. He had a enflamed pituitary gland which would explain is expotental......." And thats where we bursted into laughter
In front of a random statue. I think we just went all out on this one:
" This sculpture here actually depicts one of Romes frisbee players. You see Romes national sport was frisbee and they played naked so that they could get more speed, thus why we wears no clothes. This shaft on his left ass cheek (there was for some reason one there) is really so that he does on topple over from his own weight. This actually keeps him standing up most of the time and a wheel is put under it to make it able to move"
"frisbee player you say Jordan?"
"well with thighs the size of two babies you know you have an edge"
"and correct me if im wrong here but was it not Micheal Angelo who sculpted this?"
"why yes I believe it was. As you can see here, unlike the rest of the body, the nostrils were completely proportionate with those of an average human. This is because it was sculpted for children, as you might be able to tell, for a Roman holiday equivalent to Christmas. The parents would put sweets inside of the nose and since they were the size of those of a human, kids could pick them out. Also they used to hide them in the ass crack. If you look closely you can still see the residue of what might be chocolate"
And sure enough there was brown stuff in the ass crack. And that was my trip to the Met
3's and 7's
73% of NS actually thinks I wrote the "Without volition I screamed my battle cry....." thread.
I had a dream last night that I was friends with Ellen Degeneras. I talked to her when she was jogging by and we were standing in snow... I had no skis on... I was walking. Then some lady stopped in her car, took a picture then drove off. God help me.- Skiierman
"Fuck the bullshit, this-is-it, lets go!" - Jamal