Skiing is effectively a farm. This is why...
Horses- muscular and fleet of foot, they represent the racers. Favoured by the more conservative factions, and participants in the more elitist area of the sport.
Turkeys- generally fat, ridiculous in appearance and lacking in any style whatsoever. Also known for making a lot of noise and serving no purpose whatsoever, other than to provide the farms (resorts) with money during the winter. They are the gapers of the farm.
Deer- happiest living in cold tundra forests, renowned for high levels or stamina and ability to cover large distances. Becoming increasingly endangered and risk extinction in the near future. Often associated with high powered rifles, and the firing thereof. Deer are the cross-country skiers of the farm.
Pigs- the "generals" of the farm. They must be kept sweet, and are responsible for running the show, a function of their superior intelect and considerable size, they are the industry chiefs and are hugely influential on the farm. Occasionally the older pigs, when deprived of food and/or mating oppurtunities, make irrational and bizarre decisions that affect the rest of the farm deeply. (think RCR)
Ducks- these guys have true farmyard steeze. Even when they are paddling hell-for-leather, nothing on the surface moves a muscle. They epitomise graceful perfection when flying through the air and are generally seen to be the "cool kids" of the farm, with names like "pollard" and "lolo". They tend to dominate the mating scene on the farm. Ducks therefore are the higher echelons of freeskier.
Bulls- muscular and easily aggravated, they are a walking advertisement for testosterone. nobody fucks with these guys, and were it not for their maverick streak and the occasional "in breeding" scandal, they would boss the farm, not the pigs. They frequently find themselves in gnarly situations, but they've been around for years and have the brute strength and know-how to survive. These are the big mountain creatures of the farm.
Chickens- similar in many ways to the turkeys but tend to be smaller. Like their bigger cousins, they squawk a lot, lack any sense of style and serve no obvious purpose. The other animals on the farm do not in fact believe the chickens to be a real farm animal. Chickens therefore are skiboarders.
Sheep- they really want to achieve duck or bull status, but suffer one major drawback: whilst their idols all have a very distinctive style and appearance, sheep all look the same. While they think they look cool, they don't have the skills they so desire, so focus more on all having the same appearance in the hope that noone will notice their ineptitude. They all wear XXXL oakley clothes, bandanas and goggles sagged over their face in the hope that noone will discover their true identity. They are the posers of the farm.
So there you have it. Incontrovertible evidence that skiing as a whole is in fact nothing more than a normal farm. Sorry, but I was (still am) really bored waiting for the season!
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