The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
-The world would be a much better place.
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
-His mother would backhand him across the face
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
-No. One mind. One body. One person.
Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all?'
-A coffee shop. I dunno
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
-Try to passively get him to go some place else.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
-You know how many dirty people go through gas stations? It's the gas station's way of being the 'gatekeeper', and somewhat monitoring it.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
-Vegetarians don't eat meat. so yes.
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
-It's all apart of the Equal rights movement, and not to 'discriminate' against people with disabilities. It's stupid. But organizations like the bank have had alot of pressure.
The idea was if someone in the car wanted money out of his account who was blind, he could lean over and do it while his friend helps him out.
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
-Signifies an area where deer frequently cross.
Could be because a meadow or grassy area is nearby.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
-infants are oblivious to it all.
How is it possible to have a civil war?
-play on words. The original intention on 'Civil'
was to describe a war among the people. on commonground.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
-They are trained to do a routine perfectly. If someone breaks away from that routine than they do not follow them.
If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
-depends. are you sam?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
You would have succeeded in failing. you attained your goal, so that would be success.
Why are hemorrhoids called 'hemorrhoids' instead of 'assteroids'?
-From Middle English emoroides, hemorrhoids, from Old French emoroides, from Latin haemorrhoidae, from Greek haimorrho´des, pl. of haimorrho´s, from haimorrhoos, flowing with blood : haimo-, hemo- + rhein, to flow; see sreu- in Indo-European Roots.
Does that answer your question?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
-Who says you can't shoot them?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Eat. Sleep. Breathe. Ski.