For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity:
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all?'
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why are hemorrhoids called 'hemorrhoids' instead of 'assteroids'?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
'save the trees, wipe your ass with an owl!'
'how many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?.......10, 1 to do it, 9 to say that they can do that.'
'maybe he stuck a dinner roll in her butt.' - strode 420