I had the privilege of meeting the biggest douche in the universe over the summer. generally I like hanging around two types of people...people who are real cool, and super lame people. people who are really lame can be entertaining in small doses just because its funny how they will boast and brag about stuff that in reality makes them a total toolbag.
anyways, a while ago i met the biggest douchebag in the universe. this guy is by far the least cool person i have ever met. the first time i saw him was with some friends, one of my friends went over to his house to pick up some bud. we came in and said high. he was just sitting there playing need for speed with a cigarette hanging limply from his mouth. no one in the room said hi to us in return. then an ugly fat chick next to him placed a bong in his mouth while he was playing and lit it. he breathed in and exhaled, the same blank expression on his face, not even moving. talk about depressing.
so this guy ended up coming over to my friends house a long time later because we needed someone to buy some beer. my friend warned me he was super lame, but I thought he would be super lame in an entertaining way. a few things about him
-he is 25 years old
-he is from texas (he will tell you this a lot)
-he lives with his parents (he keeps quiet about this, but does talk about his big house)
-he has a 'sweet jag" his parents bought for him. but...
-he can't drive because his car has a breathalizer and he is always drunk
-he has been to prison and brags about this a lot. what he doesnt tell you is that it was for DUIs. haha what a fuckin loser
-he is a habitual liar
this guy played a few games of beer pong and without a doubt was the worst beer pong player ever, he made like zero cups and then bashed us for being decent, saying we were losers because we didnt 'play to get drunk." every single thing he said was a boast or claim. I mean seriously, everything he said. he claimed to have two superbikes in miami. he claimed that he made 3 thousand dollars a night as a male stripper, but stopped because he couldnt stand it anymore. in reality he works at the outlet mall and rides a moped. he has to because he cant drive his car, remember? I realized quickly that making fun of him to his face was a bad idea, because he quickly mentioned that he loves to get in fights. he also bragged about the girls he gets and how badly he treats them. of course then i remembered the ugly, white trash fat chick in his house.
i hope no one ever has to meet this guy. I have never met someone I disliked as much as him. if life were like the wild west I would have just shot him after about 10 minutes around him. I really hope people like this dont reproduce, but i am sure he will.
Summary
the point of this story is to illustrate something. I meet with this hot counselor once a month, and she spent all of the last session trying to convince me that its wrong that I think I am better than some people. I used to think everyone had their strengths and weaknesses. but some people are just a fuckin waste of life, and this guy is their king. people like this have no redeeming qualities. you can be stupid, boring, socially inept, fat, or any number of things as long as you are a nice person. but dickwads like this need to be shipped off to an island where they cant interact with normal people.
