I was sitting on a bean bag chair, naked, eating Cheetos the other day when Robert Tilton came on TV. He's a televangelist out of Dallas.
He looked at me and said, "Are you lonely?"
Yeah.
"Have you spent half your life in bars pursuing sins of the flesh?"
This guy's good! "
Are you sitting in a bean bag chair naked eating Cheetos?"
... Yes, sir!
"Do you have the urge to get up and send me a thousand dollars?"
Ha, ha close! I thought he was talking about me there for a second!
Ron White: Someone stole the radio out of my van last time I was here. Thank you whoever you are.
[
pause]
Ron White: I spent the entire drive home listening to the sounds of the wind for 49 hours.
[
snaps his fingers, bobbing his head to an imaginary melody]
Ron White: So, I went to the insurance agency to report my claim and they asked me what kind of radio it was, and I had to idea, but the guy told me, "Mr White, if you tell us what kind of radio it was we'll know how much to write the check for." Oh?
[
smirks]
Ron White: So I wrote down some big, expensive brand and he knew I was lying.
[
impersonating the clerk]
Ron White: "Mr White, I don't think... *Rolex* makes a radio." It was a clock radio! Write the check, premium-boy.
