Alright whatever, ya'll might think this is funny:
My senior year at high school I was at my best friend's house for a Christmas party over break. It was about 9pm on Christmas Eve and the party was winding down. Besides, it was just me and my friend whose house it, two of our other buddies, and about 50 of our parents' friends. The free booze and cigars were fun for a couple of hours, but after a while it got sort've awkward talking to everybody's parents because we were starting to get drunk and someone's mom had just gotten ridiculous and had to go home. We decided to go see a movie. Life Aquatic had just come out and we were all stoked on Wes Anderson cause he makes sick movies and pretty much everyone we know was an extra in Rushmore, including the 4 of us, so we decided to go see that.
I was the most sober, so I decided to drive. When I got outside though my car was parked in completely by a bunch of parents. I went back inside and told my dad. He was way too drunk to drive us, so he just goes "TAKE MY CAR, WE'LL DRIVE YOURS HOME!" So that's what I did, and it was a huge mistake.
The movie was fucking hilarious to us because we were juuuuuust buzzed enough to find all of the jokes funny. On the way back though we had to drive through West University to drop a couple of my friends off. West U sucks because the cops have NOTHING to do but pull people over and ticket them for bullshit driving violations. They also love fucking with kids, and if you're under the age of 25 and you're driving in West U past midnight, prepare to be pulled over. They do it just hoping you're under curfew age so that they can arrest you for being out past 12.
Anyway, I did a rolling stop at a stop sign and of course I get pulled over. The cop is a TOTAL bitch and she radios for an absurd amount of backup before she even approaches my car. Before I know it, there are 3 other cop cars on the scene, and nobody has even spoken to any of us yet...that's West U for you, I'm surprised they didn't send a SWAT sniper to cover us during the ensuing situation.
The woman asks us what we've been doing, and we told her. We even told her a couple of us had been drinking earlier in the night, just to be cool. At this point I'm totally sober. I hadn't had a drink in 3 hours and I was barely buzzed to begin with, plus I had a soda at the movie, so I was good to go. She didn't even try to nail us for the booze. She started telling us she smelled marijuana. My friends Sam and James were smoking cigs, which we told her, and she didn't believe us.
She said we could either consent to a search of the car, or wait "probably an hour" for a K-9 unit to come and case the place for drug smell. I should have waited for the goddamn dog, but James, who lives in West U, was giving the cops an insane amount of shit about how he was going to call his dad down to nail their asses for unlawful search and seizure, etc. Plus I was super tired, so i just said "FINE, FUCK IT, it's my dad's fucking car anyway, he drives it to work, if we didn't put any weed in there, then you're not gonna find any...HAVE FUN!"
Well, I was dumb, because among other things my dad owned two major bail bonds companies at the time, and went to work with bounty hunters every day, so there was a fucking LOADED .357 revolver in the front glove compartment with exploding combat rounds in the cylinder. The cop asked me what the blue bullets were, and I told her I had no idea, even though I knew exactly what they were...I'm pretty sure even my dad wasn't supposed to be running around with them.
So they told me they were about to let me go before they found the gun, and i said "sure you were, you fucking assholes." They were obviously doing everything in their power to nail me, which was bullshit because at this point it's CHRISTMAS DAY at like 1am.
I had to go to the hardcore jail downtown wearing a fruity christmas party getup that included salmon-colored pants...I was surrounded by psychos and at first it scared the shit out of me. They all ended up being pretty cool though, and I got to watch a strung out crack head across the cell from me struggle to re-lace his shoes for about 3 hours.
My dad picked me up in the morning. Actually, when I got out, a cop who knew my dad told me he was waiting for me at a diner like half a mile away...so I had to walk all the way there to deal with him. He was pissed at first, but eventually apologized because it was his fault for being too drunk to drive us in his truck or remeber to take his gun out when he leant me the keys. I got off scot-free at my first court appearance because the gun was licensed to my dad and the cops didn't issue any other charges against me. It took him 6 months to get the gun back from the evidence locker though, and he made me pay to get his car out of the impound, but at least the lawyer was free cause he owed us a favor.
My friends were cool as fuck about it though, after I got arrested they spent all night calling local government offices and leaving messages about insane West U cops have gotten. The next day a bunch of kids' parents called the West U mayor and lodged a formal complaint on my behalf. I'm really glad all my friends' parents rallied for me and didn't immediately think I was a dirtball wannabe gangster because I got arrested for a gun. Plus my buddies who were there love telling the story to people. I rarely bring it up cause it's still sort've embarassing, but it's really funny listening to them recount the whole scenario when we're at parties, my friend James embellishes the shit out of it to make me and Sam sound like dissident revolutionaries or something.
"The best way I can describe it is it felt like somebody bungee jumped off my right nut."
-Ken Griffey Jr. on what it feels like to break your groin.
A couple sites to live by: