A competition for the ages! Hooray!

I, ladies and gentlemen, am drunk as a skunk. The challenge, or, rather; quest, is to construct your most grammatically correct, punctuation-perfect response to this: the most worthy of all threads. The winner shall receive:
a) a lifetime worth of gratification and pride,
b) the love of the entirety of the newschoolers community, and
c) a hearty e-handshake from me; Mr. skierdudeguy.

The rules, officially and truthfully, are:
a) one must be drunk (as a skunk) to enter,
b) one must not make a complete and utter fool of themselves, and
c) if they are, they must ready to receive the e-wrath and e-embarrassment from all of the great and worthy newschoolers.com.

Let it be noted: I have just returned home from hours upon hours worth of beer-pong (alternately "Beirut").  I certainly am in no state to drive or operate heavy machinery.  I am quite  inebriated, and shall not consume another alcoholic beverage tonight, as I shall soon seek the haven of peace which calls itself sleep. Also I feel that it should be noted that I have fallen asleep at least three (3) times since I have started this thread. This venture has taken me at least thirty five (35) minutes, from beginning to end, to complete.

Now! Let there be competition! Let there be love! Let there be the hearty spirit of one-upping your neighbor that has lead our fine country to the forefront (4front?) of all world powers!

Simply;

BEGIN!