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March, 2024

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Craigslist...Women are a depreciating asset.

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gmack24
Posts: 4636 - Karma: 31
so funny, read this womans post and the response from this guy...probably the funniest thing i've read in a while.


THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST
What am I doing wrong?


Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.
I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think
I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could
you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around
200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get
me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married
to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as
I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I
get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my
feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead
gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story
there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front
about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't
able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or
other commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I
see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
cr@ppy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring
my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't
be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense
to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case
you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.
Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
lease, let me know.
Oct 8 2007 10:03PM
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prophet
Posts: 4734 - Karma: 1,007
i give you the un-golden-wheelchair just for finding that gem. what a fucking champ.
Oct 9 2007 6:09PM
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.scott.
Posts: 1034 - Karma: 27
is he the first one to ever negate his golden wheelchair status with a sweet post, thus regaining his dignity?
Oct 10 2007 11:23AM
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yojimbo
Posts: 3631 - Karma: 27
hahahahahaha
Oct 10 2007 11:34AM
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da-bling
Posts: 1145 - Karma: 11
wow that was funny, all the things ive wanted to say to girls for so long sumed up into one statement haha
Oct 10 2007 11:39AM
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hucksplat
Posts: 966 - Karma: 1,124


To the gentleman who called me a depreciating asset Date: 2007-10-11, 8:23AM EDT


Dear Sir,

I must confess that I was somewhat taken aback upon reading your email. Indeed, it has taken some time for me to sufficiently recuperate from my surprise. Lest your confidence quickly inflate for little reason (as we know is the predisposition for Wall St. types), allow me to hasten to reassure you that the source of my surprise was neither your candor nor the accuracy of your perception. Indeed, it is your "claimed" success in light of your poor grasp of economics which has me baffled. If the standards required to meet with financial success on Wall St. have sunk so low, perhaps I should indeed "make my own money", except for the fact that the effort/reward ratio is far too high for my liking - especially when so many of your ilk have displayed a far more cogent grasp of market realities than you have.

By now you are likely scratching your ever-vanishing hairline in confusion, so allow me to elaborate, dear man. To build some credibility I will tell you a bit more about yourself. Though you did not mention the details of your occupation, it is clear that you are an investment banker and not a trader, as any good trader would understand that human courtships are based upon a semi-efficient open market, and not an investment banking cartel. However, your inability to grasp the realities of the dating market is not surprising, given that you have successfully employed the tools of collusion and market manipulation rather that true acumen in your supposed wealth generation.

If your grasp of finance were not a minority partner with your ego, you would realize that the "outflows" associated with my depreciating "assets" are quite certain, and therefore subject to a low discount rate when determining their present value. In addition, though your concept of economics evidentially failed to move past the 1950s, advancement in plastic surgery is not subject to the same limitation. Thus, with some additional capital expenditure, the overall lifetime of "outflows" generated by these assets is greatly increased. Sad that Ashton Kutcher has demonstrated understanding of the female asset class which you, in all of your financial "wisdom", have not.

You, on the other hand, are, given the uncertainty of the Wall St. job market, more of an inflation-indexed junk bond with an underwater nested call option. Though you may argue that you are more of an equity investment, my monetary minimums required from you do not change, and if you are unable to pay them, I will liquidate you without the benefit of a chapter 11, just as you would me.

Because your outflows are so much more uncertain with respect to mine, I require additional compensation in the form of a underwater nested call option on your future assets. I say underwater because, even taking into account the value of your junk bond coupon payment to me, the value of my "outflow" is in excess of the market price of your equity (which is quite low due to its riskiness associated with your poor grasp of finance and my existing claim upon your junk bond coupon).

I must thank you though for raising the question, despite the reputation cost of subjecting your weak logic to such widespread scrutiny. This took either considerable courage or ignorance on your part- and we'll give you the benefit of doubt, just this once. My current boyfriend (a trader who lives in Central Park West, of course) and I thoroughly enjoyed discussing your response and we wish you the best of luck in your unhappy pursuit of that elusive market inefficiency.
Nov 4 2007 2:20PM
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STREETS
Posts: 1443 - Karma: 15
Shes still a bitch and that guy pwned her real bad,  maybe she got someone else to write that up for her who knows.
Nov 4 2007 3:30PM
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BFFset.
Posts: 2210 - Karma: 12
oh my goodness hahahahahahahahaha. the best part is that he was classy about it because she said hold the insults. this is so much better. props for sure
Nov 4 2007 3:46PM
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First.Aid
Posts: 556 - Karma: 10
bitch can use a thesaurus.
Nov 4 2007 4:06PM
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whattheshit
Posts: 6562 - Karma: 107
this is true.   my dads partner in office space had a girlfriend that was around 25.  he is about 50.    i think they broke up though because she couldn't get a long with the guys 18 year old daughter, haha.
Nov 4 2007 4:19PM
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*V-Love*
Posts: 500 - Karma: 19

wow that woman is an idiot and his response was honest, amazing, insightful and made me laugh.

Nov 4 2007 6:43PM
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sack
Posts: 4881 - Karma: 147
hahah, what a sad state to live in
Nov 4 2007 7:00PM
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Bigwoods
Posts: 3116 - Karma: 76
I wonder how much a 48 month lease is
Nov 4 2007 7:08PM
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skijunkiedtm
Posts: 9229 - Karma: 61
her current bf definently wrote that
Nov 4 2007 7:24PM
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freestyler540
Posts: 13046 - Karma: 18,292
That lady is a retard, she want a rich, young, sexy, truthful man? They dont exist.


Nov 4 2007 7:37PM
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dman1260
Posts: 899 - Karma: 13
haha, i love this response, puts that girl in her place and hopefully shows all gold digging girls they need to get a life.

The best part is I interviewed for an Investment Banking position on Wall Street a few weeks ago and the guys who interviewed me were total assholes just like the guy who wrote this. 
Nov 4 2007 7:55PM
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860
Posts: 2930 - Karma: 166
Could she have made it anymore obvious she didn't write that? Also all of that writing basically sums up to I feel your wrong because I can get plastic surgery.
Nov 4 2007 7:57PM
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TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
despite her response, she still isn't making the kind of money she thinks she should be.....so basically she sucks.

totally pwned.
Nov 4 2007 8:11PM
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lushlaxstr
Posts: 3063 - Karma: 41
HAHA thats really funny. since when is 500k/year middle class?
Nov 4 2007 8:23PM
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-justice-
Posts: 1808 - Karma: 37
haha what a dumb bitch.  people like that are just plain sad.
Nov 4 2007 8:41PM
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word-sauce
Posts: 1151 - Karma: 11

^that...or it can be interpreted as i admit im a huge cunt and you pwned me im a gigantic noob and i will suck your penis if youd like....thats what we all know she was thinking but she obviously got someone to write that

Nov 4 2007 8:43PM
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0ptions
Posts: 2198 - Karma: 60
lol He still owned her wayyy more.
Nov 4 2007 9:07PM
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sack
Posts: 4881 - Karma: 147
I agree she got pwned badly, but she could have written that. I mean it doesn't take much to hammer out an intelligent letter or essay, or another piece of writing. not very hard for someone fairly well read, and with a bit of basic writing experience
Nov 8 2007 4:31PM
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Mezmerize19
Posts: 6475 - Karma: 18
you know she responded back to him too. its on best of craigs list. ill go get it
Nov 8 2007 4:37PM
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midwestfreeski3
Posts: 141 - Karma: 11

wow what an epic comeback  mad props

Nov 8 2007 6:05PM
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Liam.
Posts: 5172 - Karma: 21
im on my grind, fuck bitches, money on my mind

Nov 8 2007 6:23PM
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crazyfuck
Posts: 5968 - Karma: -7
ok, if she has a boyfriend who lives off Park Ave... why the fuck is she still gold-digging and wouldn't it bother her bf to read her initial post?  whatever, bitches like that need to be choked.
Nov 8 2007 6:24PM
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