this is a prob one of the stupidest things ive ever done. I generally cut my own hair, and had cut my hair shorter recently. I was on my way to a date and realized I missed a long strand of hair. being the genius that I am I decide that the best course of action is, rather than push the hair back so it is completely unnoticeable and go about my business, I will trim it with...a lighter. I've done it before, but only when I miss a spot shaving, and to be fair, although it works dont try it because it will hurt really bad.
anyways, I guess my hair was particularly dry, and I was using a gas jet lighter. as soon as the flame nears my head the entire left side of my head goes up in flames. I savagely beat the side of my head as I struggle to maintain control of my vehicle while screaming "fuck!" as the flames dissipate, the smoke clears to a painful realization: I just almost scarred myself for life, and my ear hurts like a bitch and is throbbing red. I roll the windows down to get rid of the smell, and drive the last 5 minutes to pick up the girl. that should be enough time for the smell of burning human hair to fade, right? I straighten out my ruined hair, which is not noticeably burnt to the human eye, and she gets in the car.
"what the fuck is that smell?"
I almost tried to say something about smoking a cig, but fortunately I realized cigs dont smell anything like human hair. I bit the bullet and explained what happened...hey, some girls like hearing what a retard I am, makes em feel better about themselves
so first thing when I get home, I grab my pair of clippers and decide to give myself a long buzz and get rid of that nasty, burnt hair. I buzzed my hair once in 8th grade after losing a bet, the words "neo-nazi" and "cancer patient" come to mind whenever I think of that sad period of my life. so I get to work on the front...hey, its not looking too bad. kind of a buddhist look, I like it. OK, time to do the back. I get to work.
What I don't know is the length attachment fell off right before I started. So I am now trimming at zero length, as in bald, smiling all the while as I think "yeah this look could work for me....wow, these clippers are working a lot better now, thats a lot of hair coming off the back." so I look in the mirror, and scream in a pathetic i-just-got-my-balls-removed yelp "oh fuck." I am absolutely bald in the back. so there is only one thing left to do...everything must go.
so here I am 2 weeks later. I'm no longer completely bald, but I still have 2 very nasty head scars showing. the next weekend I visited my friends at va tech and got raging drunk by 9 PM due to beer pong. I ended up drawing a swastika on my pec and parading around shirtless, edward norton style. there are some posed pictures of me curbing my asian friend that I hope never see the light of day. around 3 am my friend brought some freshman babes over. they came in to find me sleepwalking, the sharpie swastika still intact. when I came to, that was extremely embarassing.
and now I completely suck at beer pong without my hair, like I was unstoppable and now I suck. sorry to ramble but maybe someone will find this entertaining.
Big ballin, smashin, makin my ends
smokin big killa
gettin high in the benz