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F.U.Q.

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CKpolicy
Posts: 2587 - Karma: 2,463
So i was driving home at 3am one night all nice and toasty when all of a sudden my ears perked up, i got that certain twinkle in my very red eyes, and a blacklight popped up over my head: We need a thread devoted to fucked up quotes (F.U.Q.). So go get wasted, and when someone says something extraordinarily hilarious, come back and post it here. Ill start 'er off with one of my personal favorites.
I walked over to my buddies house late at night to meet some friends who had just smoked a big fat la la and it was rediculously foggy. So they come out to meet me, stop abruptly at the sight of the fog, and my boy travis looks at me then to my friend mark and says "Holy shit dude, we hotboxed the world" . Hilarity ensued. enjoy.
Jul 7 2007 10:15PM
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TheMoostafian
Posts: 4504 - Karma: 9,438
"guys, have you seen my forehead?"

or

"hey....where the hell did my nose go?"
Jul 9 2007 4:04AM
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0123456789
Posts: 9226 - Karma: 148
this dumb bitch in my class " im kinda dumb, but i dont show it"
Jul 9 2007 1:45PM
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ButteredToast.
Posts: 6459 - Karma: 2,570
So he's a Jew?
Jul 9 2007 2:59PM
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CKpolicy
Posts: 2587 - Karma: 2,463
Mark: Travis are you wearing the dirty shit stained boxers you were telling me about yesterday?

Travis: Yea but i checked em, it was just sweat.

Mark: You can't sweat poop!

we were on mushrooms, it was fuckin hilarious
Jul 9 2007 7:04PM
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lushlaxstr
Posts: 3063 - Karma: 41
"you can hand pack more in a pint than a machine can"
"i only put in $20 of gas at a time, because i dont want my tank to over flow" (he didnt know it automatically shut off when it was full)
"is st. Patricks day irish?"


my dumb ass friend wyatt
Jul 9 2007 7:14PM
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dowalibeast
Posts: 3339 - Karma: 207
this kid was riding back from a party all shit faced and the kids had to sit on each others laps.
the kid on the bottom said "dude get off you're starting to give me a boner!" weird shit.
Jul 10 2007 12:44AM
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ThaLetterM.
Posts: 8609 - Karma: 1,612
dude i want to throw up that grilled cheese so i can eat it again
Jul 10 2007 12:51AM
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jambone
Posts: 934 - Karma: 11
"Hey guys, i'm going to remember this in the morning! Cuz if i wasn't, then i'd be waking up right now!"
Jul 10 2007 4:04AM
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Piste.Off
Posts: 11586 - Karma: 1,861
"hahaha old man jenkins called the shit poop!!!"
Jul 10 2007 4:31AM
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4FrntQC
Posts: 303 - Karma: 10
good one
Jul 10 2007 8:47AM
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hennessy1
Posts: 81 - Karma: 12
hi
Jul 10 2007 12:12PM
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Swan_Solo
Posts: 2374 - Karma: 14
some girl: "I tell my neices that lightning is just angels playing lasertag"
Jul 10 2007 12:15PM
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zepscratch
Posts: 3517 - Karma: 36
"lets fucking hit that broad, we'll throw her in the trunk and rape her"
Jul 10 2007 2:36PM
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dweezileast
Posts: 9661 - Karma: 276
Kickass thread Connor.

"you don't even judge me, how can you know me?"
Jul 10 2007 3:08PM
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CKpolicy
Posts: 2587 - Karma: 2,463
Gus: a queef is actually two noises. First its a pfffft, then a clap. Like *pfft-CLAP*

Hank: I dont care what it sounds like dude, i just wanna hear one.

That was like a 2 hour conversation about what it actually sounds like, and none of them got it right, they were all hammered.
Jul 15 2007 11:30AM
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jambone
Posts: 934 - Karma: 11
Haha last night cops showed up at the party and we were all trashed. We were all sitting around the fire and they just came over and watched us for a few minutes.

"What's with the guys in the hats?"
"Dude I've seen those hats before... SUPER TROOPERS" It was Vermont state troopers.

Then my idiot friend.

"You guys arn't real cops... you're fuckin strippers"
Cop: "You wish"

It all worked out cuz they got a good laugh ID 2 people, the only 2 21 year olds there. then talked to the girls mom and bounced.
Jul 15 2007 11:43AM
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mophead
Posts: 1172 - Karma: 309
we were mega baked one time and my buddy was like "dude the ninja turtles are suck fucking stoners. sittin down in their sewers token it up and ordering pizza. and then theyre like anchovies man nooooooooooo."
Jul 15 2007 1:52PM
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footcrunk
Posts: 385 - Karma: 75
Hit em' before the hair does!
Jul 15 2007 2:04PM
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thefilmerguy
Posts: 2847 - Karma: 55
we went to 1408 and my buddy was toking it and kept blowing his smoke into the back of my head/shirt, and i was like "dude i wreak, i gotta go in like 5 minutes how and i cant come home smelling like this" and his response was, "hey joey (driver) take us to mcdonalds, i'll buy some fries and rub them all over pavel to make him smell better"


seriously...wtf
Jul 15 2007 2:11PM
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OAK_TREE
Posts: 2683 - Karma: 12
if this thread is still around in August i'll have a bunch of them from my buddy. when he gets drunk all he does is talk about the most random stuff that doesn't make any sense. it's hysterical.
Jul 15 2007 2:50PM
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dowalibeast
Posts: 3339 - Karma: 207
bump
Jul 15 2007 7:48PM
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lost666v.2.5
Posts: 50 - Karma: 10
my sword is smaller than yours, AND less magicer - my friend kieran
Jul 15 2007 7:50PM
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scientist
Posts: 6920 - Karma: 347
we aoften try to convince grls that this kid, Andy, has a huggeee cock, and proceed to make a bunch of descriptions that can come out rediculously funny when drunk. One that came out was ..

"I walked into the shower after gym class, and I noticed a new kid. He was kinda ugly but whatever. I then came to the realization thatit was in fact andys cock." It was obviously all in the delivery, but funny nonetheless.
Jul 15 2007 8:00PM
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doritos
Posts: 7368 - Karma: 53
I was smoking with some friends after work the other day, and as we were finishing up the post-bowl cigarettes two cops showed up. Cops find one kid's 300$ double bubbler. Another one of my friends, rocking long curly hair, a tied-eyed shirt, and birkenstocks, puts his face to his hands and wails "Nooo... that was my friend..." At the time I couldn't have laughed harder. In text it seems kind of lame but I spent the time writing it so... word.
Jul 15 2007 11:06PM
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jambone
Posts: 934 - Karma: 11
"Keys... check, wallet... check, phone... check, dignity... dignity... not a fucking clue" My friend after a really rough party.
Jul 15 2007 11:42PM
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doritos
Posts: 7368 - Karma: 53
Sounds like it's out of a movie, but a damn fine quote nevertheless.
Jul 15 2007 11:46PM
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jimmychung
Posts: 6857 - Karma: 25
i went to go see elf in theatre with some friends, one of whom was stoned. a part where santa throws is brown bag of toys down a chimney, and upon seeing the bag, my friend yells "OH MY GOD IT'S A LOAF OF BREAD!!!!!"
Jul 15 2007 11:51PM
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N-John360
Posts: 835 - Karma: 8
Don't do drugs.
Jul 16 2007 12:53AM
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dowalibeast
Posts: 3339 - Karma: 207
you're a drug.
Jul 16 2007 3:24AM
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potato_man
Posts: 2158 - Karma: 89
my last quote
Jul 16 2007 3:26AM
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bemmis
Posts: 1602 - Karma: -3
1: i was doing shotput in pe and this stupid blonde pick up the shotput and goes:"CAN YOU BELIVE THIS 10 POULD LEAD BALL COULD BREAK A WINDOW?"

2:
me:"SO RENE, DO YOU HAVE A 6 PACK?"
rene:"OF WHAT?"
me:".....ABBS."
rene:"I THAUGHT DRUGS WEREN'T ALLOWED IN SCHOOL"

Jul 16 2007 4:12AM
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N-John360
Posts: 835 - Karma: 8
Really? Thanks!
Jul 16 2007 3:59PM
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SlickRick.
Posts: 4329 - Karma: 300
ahhahahahah
Jul 16 2007 6:02PM
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SlickRick.
Posts: 4329 - Karma: 300
hahaha i laughed pretty hard just picturing a kid like that saying that
Jul 16 2007 6:08PM
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CKpolicy
Posts: 2587 - Karma: 2,463
My friend Lunchbox to Hank: "Hey Hank you know how i know youre gay? Youre smoking a clove in a flannel shirt!"
Jul 17 2007 6:42PM
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mophead
Posts: 1172 - Karma: 309
one time after me and some buddies smoked we were all chillin in the dark in this kids room and all the sudden one kid held a lighter up to his face and screamed "ETERNAL BLISS!" and then hucked one those huge excersise balls at us. from there it turned into a bunch of kids screaming ETERNAL BLISS and hucking the ball all around the room. we ended up waking up the kids dad and he nearly beat the shit of him
Jul 17 2007 10:27PM
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ZavierV
Posts: 5077 - Karma: 100
my buddy and i were at a party and he got this girl's numebre and then we were talking on msn, and he said he called and they were gonna bone this saturday. i said:

"fuck, fucker, fuck you! how is it soooooo easy for you?"
"i dunno man, i was like attack!!! and i attacked."


thought that was too good to pass up so it goes here.
Jul 19 2007 3:21AM
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SeymourGrease
Posts: 1723 - Karma: 23
jeaaaaa^^^
Jul 19 2007 3:28AM
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potato_man
Posts: 2158 - Karma: 89
my last one, again
Jul 19 2007 3:28AM
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ZavierV
Posts: 5077 - Karma: 100
wtf man stop doing that. post something already goddamnit
Jul 19 2007 3:30AM
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potato_man
Posts: 2158 - Karma: 89
fine

"dude, stop touching my ponytail, i worked this thing hard, i mean i hard worked..."

this was from a guy, and he was drunk
Jul 19 2007 3:36AM
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CKpolicy
Posts: 2587 - Karma: 2,463
"...thats why i like drinking and driving, it turns an open 4 lane highway into an obstacle course."
-anonymous
Jul 21 2007 5:41PM
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KJones
Posts: 410 - Karma: 10
I was at this party one time and we were all pretty faded. So we were standing outside smoking then we came back inside. Well while we were outside some girls came, and so when we walked back inside this guy comes up and yells,"When did the Myspace Momma's get here?"I thought it was the funniest thing ever at the time
Jul 21 2007 6:20PM
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CKpolicy
Posts: 2587 - Karma: 2,463
"Thank you sir, you are an asshole and a gentlemen."
Jul 22 2007 10:31AM
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Bini.
Posts: 760 - Karma: 16
a friend of mine was stunned to find out that a bow & arrow were two seperate things. she though it was just "bowanarrow"
Jul 22 2007 10:49AM
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Steezysmurf
Posts: 1663 - Karma: 3
I always thought it was hampster not hamster.
Jul 22 2007 3:08PM
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fourhundred
Posts: 2760 - Karma: 21
isn't it hampster?
Jul 22 2007 6:17PM
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Bini.
Posts: 760 - Karma: 16
another dumb friend thought it was 'tequila mockingbird'.
Jul 22 2007 6:20PM
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Swan_Solo
Posts: 2374 - Karma: 14
bahahaha, i lol'd
Jul 22 2007 7:18PM
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james44
Posts: 3323 - Karma: 578
news to me
Jul 22 2007 7:55PM
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