So i was driving home at 3am one night all nice and toasty when all of a sudden my ears perked up, i got that certain twinkle in my very red eyes, and a blacklight popped up over my head: We need a thread devoted to fucked up quotes (F.U.Q.). So go get wasted, and when someone says something extraordinarily hilarious, come back and post it here. Ill start 'er off with one of my personal favorites.
I walked over to my buddies house late at night to meet some friends who had just smoked a big fat la la and it was rediculously foggy. So they come out to meet me, stop abruptly at the sight of the fog, and my boy travis looks at me then to my friend mark and says "Holy shit dude, we hotboxed the world" . Hilarity ensued. enjoy.
Me and my friends were getting out of the car and he was fucked up all night and thought there was a spider in the car. Got out jumped around and was frantic. He gets back in and was like WHERE IS IT!? we are like.....there was no spider. then he says to our friend. GET YOU BRAIN IN YOUR HEAD! as appose to get your head in the game. He was on a roll that night with a bunch more stuff
I had a dream last night that I was friends with Ellen Degeneras. I talked to her when she was jogging by and we were standing in snow... I had no skis on... I was walking. Then some lady stopped in her car, took a picture then drove off. God help me.- Skiierman
my brother fell asleep on my couch watching a show about the process of making jelly beans- Chrissy
me and my buds were out one night and were coming home from a party so needless to say, we were all peaced and ready for bed. my one buddy who happend to have gotten smashed for the first time ever saw these bonsai looking shrubs and they look like the clouds or something from out of super mario on snes...
he said "damn...looks like mario" then the next thing we knew he was hopping from shrub to shrub going doo doo doo dodoodoodododod like the mario theme and then he tripped and owned himself completely obliterating this dude's yard. haha good times.
this kid was talkin about a book, he was like "its a touching tale about a mexican boys struggle getting over the border and surviving.... then he gets penetrated up the ass or sum bullshit."
we just smoked a little.
-I put on my wizard hat and robe- Bladers Cult
hmmm one night mothaeast kept going "stop dannncing you are acting rediculous" in this fucked up accent.
and umm one time t rain (name drop) was at my house since he went to highschool with my bro and a few moneeeeyyy ass girls started to get naked in the hot tub and dissapears and comes back in like 2 hours and was like "YO MAN FUCK THAT SHIT I SEE NAKED TEENAGERS AND IM PEACIN THE FUCK OUT!!!"
people dont really say that much dumb shit to me except this one girl who is like retarded and always says dumb shit.
ahhaha what the fuck. for some reason last night i was pizza pizza and this girl i was with was like "im gonna go get some brownies and 3 milks", and for some reason i was laughing sooooo fucking hard. o ya, and my friend was asking this guy for some mouth spray stuff, and he kept saying, "yo man cna i have the licorice" when he meant listerene or whatever. it was pretty funn y tho. u had to be there and be high
"I don't remember her not having teeth"
- My friend when we gave him shit for hitting on this hideous girl, actually was missing a few teeth. He was hammered, but still...
I got walked in on by my dad my first time getting head. Nothing funny about that, shit hurt.
How about eating out your girlfriend, your dad walking in and then later on when you're eating dinner your dad hands you the plate of food and then goes "Oh, you're probably not hungry anymore" and puts it on the table. That was humiliating.
this isnt a quote but it was funny my friend was absolutley crunked and we were in my other buddies basement and he had just puked all over himself so he threw his clothes in the wash and started chanign infront of us all. So at the time he is naked infornt of us trying to put his boxers on and he rips the dirtiest fart it scares the shit out of him he tries to move but his boxers are at his ankles he trips hits his head on a table and passes out and we are all fucked aswell prolly one of the funniest things ive seen in my life. then the next day we went back to his house to see him and his dad was outside and were like hey is ben here and he goes ya but hes not feeling to well his allergies are really acting up he has been vomiting all morning
Harry, I took care of it
when my town had the fireworks i went w/ my sister and her friends and one of them was really drunk and were coming home she goes... "my breath smells like beer and i don't want my mom to think ive been drinking do you have any liquor?"
long story short he overshot. tried to finger a girl wearing a skirt in the movies, but overshot and got the pooper. then proceeded to wipe the poopy finger on the friend next to him.
"man this is like watching the food network" a high kid me and my friends met at this art festival. he said this as he was staring at our friend who we all think looks like rachel ray so it was extremely funny to all.
Newschoolers Longboarding Cult
Ladies Men For Life
"Daaamn Damian, you got bananna hair"
I have more than one thousand posts, my opinion matters now.
one of my buddies had a one night stand with this chick he later found out she was pregnant. here is how our conversation went:
my buddy: Remember that chick i banged like a month ago?
me: yeah, why?
buddy: Well she called me last night and told me she was pregnant
me: holy shit that sucks
buddy: yeah so we had a chat and she was like 'don't worry about it'
me: so what are you gunna do?
buddy: not worry about it
i've since realized that all my friends and i are pricks but whatever i thought it was hilarious
well if i were her i wouldn't have wanted to have his kid either, it'd come out like a crack baby or some fucked up shit, seriously my friend's are fucked up, i could easily fill two pages on this thread with all the shit my friend's and i have said