Thursday, August 03, 2006
Our Night Out with Jorge
Today, I went to dinner with Edna and my friend Jorge the gardener. He does a good job on our lawn and the 25 cents of tip may seem like a lot but he deserves it. I wore my sexy white suit to dinner. Me and Edna took Jorge to a lovely mexican diner. I think it was called Taco Bell. Jorge felt right at home with their lovely Mexican atmosphere. It was a lovely night and we all had fun. Jorge is a great gardener. It's too bad we had to have him deported.
Buying a New Fridge
What up homies? It's your boy Davidson Castro Rifnifkin in the house. The other day me and Edna went to the local Wal-Mart to buy a new fridge. We need a new one because I went to a sweet party at my home boy Ricky's house, did some acid, went home, and started to attack my fridge with a baseball bat because I thought it had sex with Edna. So anyway, me and Edna were walking through Wal-Mart when I saw the most pimped out fridge ever! It had a plasma screen TV built into the door, 27 different compartments, and 14 different temperature zones. This was the most bitching fridge I have ever seen. The only downside was that it cost $799,999. It's not like it was the most expensive there but it was still pretty high. So I talked it over with Edna and we decided to buy the fridge. It is great. The only problem is that we had to sell our house to pay for the fridge. Edna and I are now staying at Ricky's house untill we get back on our feet. I will keep you posted on how we do at Ricky's. Edna says I should just sell the fridge, but I won't do that. It's got a frigging TV. Sattelite TV. 5000 channels don't lie. This is America. I should be able to have a pimped out fridge if I want to. I ain't gonna sell it. These colors don't run, goddamnit.
What's going on homies? My viagra just kicked in so i can't talk long but i thought i should update you on how my time with Ricky is going. Ricky is the man for letting us stay with him. Even though he is so nice, i still thought i should play some pranks on him. Okay, so the first prank i played on him was throwing his matress out the window. He didn't appreciate that as much as me and Edna did, but still hilarious! The second prank i played on him was even better than the first one. I unhinged the cieling fan above his bed so while he was sleeping it would fall on him. It went great but i don't know how he feels about it yet because he hasn't gotten back from the hospital yet
Ricky Comes Home
Yo, I have some bad news dawg. Ricky came home from the hospital last night and he was so angry. Why can't anyone take a joke anymore? So even though he only had internal bleeding, a broken arm, a clollapsed lung, and can't remember his name, he kicked me and Edna out of the house. I have a laptop so I can still talk and give you updates, but I can't live on the streets anymore. I need money so I have decided to get a job at Wal-Mart as a greeter. It's so easy! All you have to do is say hi to people and tell them that all douche products are half off. Me and Edna are in the process of looking for somewhere to live so if anyone knows of somewhere I can live, please post a comment on my page.
My Strange Time Between August 2006 and March 2007
Well, my friends, Davidson Castro Rifnifkin is officially out of prison. Hells yeah.
After Ricky kicked me and my sweet Edna out of his house, I tried to deal as much crack as I could so I could get an apartment. I was so desperate that I decided to try to sell my crack to anyone who walked by me. Every thing was going fine until a cop came walking past me. I tried to sell the cop some crack and he arrested me. I was given seven months in prison for selling crack, resisting arrest, and dealing while intoxicated.
Prison wasn't so bad. There weren't any women, but they made up for it by having a lot of tough, sexy men. I could defend myself because I figured out how to make a knife out of my toothbrush. I thought my time would be easy until my new cell mate came. He was tall, had sharp teeth, long claws, stood on four legs, and was covered in thick fur. It wasn't long until I figured out that my cell mate was actually a bear. I have no problems with bears, but I just don't feel safe around them.
The first night the bear was in my cell, he ate my bed. I was furious with him. I yelled at the bear, but I don't think he liked yelling very much because he lunged at me and ate my right arm. When the guards opened my cell to help me, the bear escaped. I spent three more armless months in prison. I was released from prison on March 23rd. When I called Edna on her cell phone, she said she was dating the bear that ate my arm, and she said never to call again. My heart was broken.
I moved back in with Ricky and have been trying to get my life back together ever since. I can't understand why Edna would fall in love with a bear. I need to win her back. I vow to find the bear that ate my arm and eat its arm in return. I will get my revenge no matter how long it takes!
(But if any single women out there want to have the Magical Davidson Experience, I am totally single now.)