my friends, mr bob_dole aka hennie van jaarsveld recently left on an aeroplane friday to venture on his very first trip out west.
this young man is from the inner regions of south africa, threatened daily by monsterous thunderstorms, and giant piles of elephant shit. this was no detour for hennie van jaarsveld. he kept on kickin.
years of playing field hockey paid off, in south africa it is customary for the males to play field hockey, but when hennie came across the great growing pond of the atlantic, he knew that one day maybe he will play on the females field hockey team. his chance came. as a freshman, hennie tried out for the field hockey team. he made it to cuts when he was cut because he didnt have a clit. heartbroken, and insulted hennie ran to his mother, 'ma-ma i dident make ze fielllld ho-key team' 'oh ennnnnnie' distinguished his mother. this was such a unparalleled event that the school board became involved. through much debate it was settled.....hennie could not play.
this ruined his spirts, so he decided to take up snowblading. he was young and out of place, but he snowbladed because he loved it. he soon purchased his own snowblades, the taxis. they were the illest model at replay sports. but one day, one of them broke, what was he to do now. he took a while off to ponder. hummmmm. HE WOULD GET SKIS. so off the the downhill edge mr. VJ traveled. standing at a whopping 5 feet tall, he needed a real ski. something with some pop, something with some stability. something with the power to lay an arc in boiler plate. that something was the line 153. with them he purchased some fatty look pivot bindings, and ready he was for the snow.
in one of hennies first times in the halfpipe he hurt his poor knee. later that week it was swollen into something he liked to refer to as the knee boob. back off snow he went. this time to practice rugby. he needed to get his 5'3'' body off to a powerful rugby start. rugby season went well and summer came soon, but there was one final chance at jay peak. some friends were going up so he went too. the day went well for hennie and he landed his first backflip. but later when trying a 360 hennie completes half of the spin lands switch, and crashes head frist onto the grass he landed in. tattered and probably concussed hennie continued on.
hennie worked a part time job at the A&P. just to save up enough money to by himself a new pair of skis, because he so foolishly sold the 153s for 60 dollars with bindings. weeks passed and whamo, someone he knew could get him cheap dynastar stuff. dynastar concepts he thought, 165 boy that is way too long. not uh said the person. 165 is perfect for you. so he saved and saved for that 331 dollars with pivot 12 bindings. finnally the day came when they arrived. hennie was so excited he brought them right down to alpine shop to get mounted. a week later he picked up his skis and with much anticipation of skiing he decieded it would be a good idea to set up a rail. behind the highschool on the wooden bridge. shovels and shoves of snow to hit a 20 foot rail. now let me tell you new edges and wood dont mix. hennie soon found this out. battered but not broken hennie continued on. a week or so later hennie decides to make a tow in on the ice hockey snow. the immense 8 foot gap was intense. sick grabs were pulled like 'whow' hennie decides to step it up pulls a backflip and crashes into the front of the landing. bad fall. amazingly he did land one later that night.
this season came and hennie quickly progressed. hennie learned spins to 900 and got alot smoother. on rails he progressed from not being able to do them to doing the trap and double kink, amd the whale back. he even learned unnaty railslides. every day hennie was excited to hit jumps and the pipe. he learned cork 7s, and flairs and alley oop flatspins in the pipe. things were looking good.
after his friend fell off the trampoline and hurt himself badly, he decided to hook hennie up. he could use it to practice for camp revolution, he was signed up for session 2. his parents decided it would be a great pre birthday present. for his birthday he got a car. a jeep. when he went to get his licence, he forgot some forms, so he couldnt get his license. as bummed as hennie was he knew he was going to be leaving for camp 2 days later. oh well.
the day before leaving for camp hennie was roughousing in a friends pool and got his head slammed to the matt. he bacame disorented, and probably concussed, as he convulged in the ground claiming his eardrum exploded. hennie continued on. he left the next day, what did he care. he was goin to mount hood to ski for the first time, to progress even farther.
that day came and hennie boared the plane. he was on his way to mount hood. when he arove at portland airport he was all excited. as the van rounded mt hood corner, hennie got his first glimpse to the greatest place on earth. 'its going to be a sick day tomorrow' said evan dybvig. hennie couldnt wait. he unpacked and decided to go tramping with the guys. get a few last jumps in before snow.
on his third jump something broke, it sadly wasnt the trampoline. it was his knee, his first tirp to mount hood and he broke his leg before he even got to ski.
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Strate up geto shiet.