12:00 am, last night. My friend Caasi and I decide to leave bonfire we're at to go home and get rediculously drunk and high.
12:30 am. Arrive home. Talk to dad for a while, retreat to bathroom to smoke out. Forget to inform Caasi that the weed is my dads and is extremely strong. Caasi gets insanely stoned.
12:45 am. My sister walks in. We smoke her out, too. Then we all go to the kitchen. Gaby eats a tray of brownies, I make soup for Caasi and myself as we pour ourselves large G&Ts.
1:30 am. Drunk, stoned. Decide plan. At about 11:00 the next day, we'll wake up, put on our bikinis, call up some friends and drink by my pool. By the time my interview rolls around (3pm) I should be sober enough to drive there. We are pleased with ourselves and watch a movie and pass the fuck out.
8am this morning. My sister is pounding on my door. She seems to be angry/excited. Breaks into room using hairpin in the lock, steals something, jumps on me. I kick her ass, she leaves.
12:30 today. Caasi and I wake up again, well past planned time. Go out to get food, come home at 1. Start drinking, deciding that I'll drink coffee to sober up.
2:30 pm. Drunk as sin, floating around pool with friends. Chugging tequila. Interview is in 30 minm 25 min away from house. Hum. My sister realized I cant drive, so she starts to yell at me. I get out of the pool, muss up my h air, out on some mascara and get dressed.
2:54pm. We arrive at the mall. We park at the parkinglot I decide is closest. It's not. Gaby and I run through the mall to our interview.
3:00pm. We arrive at A&F. I am wearing flip flops, Rock and Republic denium capris and a blue tank top. Adam, the guy who offered me the job, comes over and talks to us. We write our names on a paper and get ready for our "group interview."
3:10. Still drunk. walk over with the other 7 people, 6 girls and 1 boy, to start the interview. the questions:
Q: If your hands got cut off in a car crash, what would you put on your stumps? it cant be a fake hand or antyhing like that.
People say stuff like a hook, duct tape, et cetera.
I say "a flame thrower cause that would be sweet and a bottle opener/ swiss army knife combo ont he other hand so I could drink and screw." I get looks of utter confusion and a few laughs. I cant understand why; I was serious.
Q #2: If you were a superhero, what would your one superhero power be?
A: X-ray vision.
So I could see what's under your shirt. (Needless to say, I think my perversion was taken as flirting. Very bad flirting, but flirting nontheless.)
Q #3: What animal would you be if you could be any animal?
This one is answered by a girl who seems like a total tool. "A bird" she says. I chuckel, stating that she wants to be a bird yet she seems like one already.
Then the one boy interviewing says a penguin because "theyre birds but cant fly." I laugh out loud because WHAT THE FUCK?
Q #4: Why A&F?
I am stumped. I have no answer. I dont like the clothes, music or people. So I say: "Its clean."
The interview from Hell concludes. I laugh with some of the girls about how awkward it was. Someone comments on my Chanel sunglasses and I get confused. Forgot about them being on my head. Wish I had my flask. Adam calls us back, telling us that if we get a call tonight or tomorrow, we're hired, and if not, try again later.
Get in car, my sister is driving. I pull flask out, she wonders aloud where I got it. She realizes its full but quickly being emptied into my mouth.
Arrive home at the pool. I put on a different bikini, take 4 shots and fall asleep with my friends for a while.
Still waiting for the call. Also, still sort of drunk.
Its days like this that prove life is worth living.
guy at SkiShop SC to me: "Why is there sand in your bindings?"
"If you're alive, I probably hate you."
-C. Francis Browning (my friend CeCe)