My day was starting off slow, sitting around doing nothing. So I decided to go for a run and think things over. Guess what DIDN’T WORK!!! So now I was getting a little pissed off. I grabbed a glass of buttermilk (I know buttermilk, weird, but that is what my mom gave me to I could get to sleep as a small child. It really calms me down) and turned on the tube. It was like some sort of miracle, like Jesus was inside my t.v. Right as the screen came into focus I saw before me Michael Jackson, probably, wait no not probably, MOST DEFINITELY THE GREATEST DANCER TO EVER LIVE!!! If you don’t agree, fine thats your opinion, BUT KEEP IT TO YOURSELF GOD DAMNIT!!! And just to let those of you out there that don’t agree with me, if I ever meet you in person god save your soul, because I sure won’t. So I continued to watch this documentary on Michael and thought to myself, “Dang I wish I could sing, dance, and strut my stuff just like that guy.”
So after pumping myself up about being Michael I went to the local video store and bought 'Michael Jackson’s Greatest Dance Moves'. When I got home I was as happy as a little Jew on the 8th day of Chaunaka. So I popped the vid in and started watching. It began with clips of Michael’s greatest moments and then went into how to do his steps. I got up and followed the leader and was instantly demoralized when I realized that I could not do anything remotely like Michael Jackson. I looked like a guy with 2 prosthetic legs trying to climb up a flight of stairs.
And again I went back into my state of depression. I was so sad that I started eating as much as I possibly could and then I locked myself in my room. My dreams were shattered and I didn’t want anything to do with the outside world. The exact same thing happened to me when I was a child. I wanted to play professional baseball when I grew up, but when coaches tell you, “you suck” right to your face it doesn’t really make you want to play anymore. I was watching some of the home videos of my games and I realized that goats are more coordinated than I was.
My life had been a complete and utter failure and Michael Jackson made it worse. All I wanted was to be as fly as him, but that could never happen and I knew it.
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